(no subject)
I'm mad, disappointed and lots of other things with my grandmother. She told my mom I'm depressed that I'm not working, etc right now, and she and my mom got in a huge fight. So here's the email my mom sent me about it. I'm not really sure why my mom had to send me all this. I don't really feel it solved or helped anything.
Hi Jessica,
I was talking with you grandmother last night and she is concerned
about you. Her and I had a fight...long, long story and a fight that
I will not be getting over anytime soon. This does not have anything
do with you. Anyway, she let me know that that you are difficulties,
namely that you are a little depressed.
You and I have had an unusual relationship not like anyone else's I
know. I want you to know that I do care about you and what happens to
you. I always have. This is not any different from everyone else's
relationship with their daughter. I wish we were closer. I wish we
had a relationship like the women I work and their daughters. Maybe,
one day you will feel like you can come to me.
I want you to know now more then ever my door is open to you. It has
always been open to you. I have dreamt and wished over the years that
you would walk through it. I am willing to wait for that day if it
ever comes.
In the meantime, I can offer advice not just as your mother, friend,
nurse....how ever you need to qualify it. I have been where you are.
I do know from personal and professional experience. I can help. If
you have questions or need advice, if you need a place to be I am
here. John is here too. You truly need only ask.
Your Grandmother said last night that you did not believe me when I
told you can come here anytime that you want. You are wrong and so is
she. I'm not certain how I can convince you. I guess all I can do is
tell you to take a leap of faith and just "show up". We will be here.
At times I think your Grandmother remembers a time when if someone
said they had trouble you could just drop everything and go to them.
It is not that easy anymore for anyone in fact I think its harder. I
have two jobs neither provide me with sick time or benefits. John has
some sick time and benefits that cover us both. We are like a lot of
couples. We are swimming in debt and neither of us can afford a day
off unless we have to. We haven't adjusted to buying to a house so
the utilities, credit cards, etc seem like mountains. Again like
every adult on the planet. We will get through it with time.
John and I do get worried when our finances feel like they are out of
control...like everyone else...and we become obsessed with "must go
to work so we can pay bills" that unless we are hit over head we
don't know what is going on. We have everything on sort of schedule
that really just serves us not having to scramble around and create
more stress for ourselves. We are under enough.
I guess this was a little of what happened last night when I talked
things over with your grandmother. I will not allow her to lay guilt,
shame, manipulate or critique me anymore. It took me years to build
some self esteem and I will not let her or anyone take that from me.
Enough said on that.
Once I had a little self esteem (BTW, it took me over seven years
to stand up for myself at shitty job) until I could go to school and
try to build some kind of life for myself and John. I had hoped this
would include you. I did it alone. John helped a little along the way
but there was really only some much he could do and help with. I took
the bus. I waited at the stops in the pouring rain and blizzards.
Alone and at all hours. Just like you. I did not receive OSAP or
help from family. We did it. We juggled and struggled. The first year
was tough. I used up all of my RRSPs. We always lived paycheck to
paycheck. We didn't have a car until my second or third year. John
was paying for it. He needed it for work. The second year I had a bus
pass. It came as part of my tuition. I was still getting unemployment
for the first two months (during the first year) and then nothing for
the rest of the year while I upgraded. I was able to get a credit
card and used that for my first year of nursing. After my second year
of nursing I was able to get two part jobs for the summer only. I
went for to Connestoga College for four years. I searched, like you,
every summer for jobs but as I was older no one would hire me. They
saw me as limited...they wanted to train people who would stay with
them.. work crazy hours..etc. So, I do know all about this too.
I could go on and on about all this and my journey from my parents
house until where I am now but really it was only my intention to
show you that I care and I do have valuable advice you might want,
need or find helpful to get you from where you are now to a better
place. I can say something my mother...yes, your grandmother...never
ever said to me and that is I am so proud of you. You have had your
share of hardships and have overcome them too. I brag about you all
the time at work. I am sorry my plans and dreams for you and I did
not go the way I wanted them to. I still wish they will.
If you need me you know where I am. And yes, really I am only a call
or email away. It is where I have always been.
Love Mom
XOXOX
Hi Jessica,
I was talking with you grandmother last night and she is concerned
about you. Her and I had a fight...long, long story and a fight that
I will not be getting over anytime soon. This does not have anything
do with you. Anyway, she let me know that that you are difficulties,
namely that you are a little depressed.
You and I have had an unusual relationship not like anyone else's I
know. I want you to know that I do care about you and what happens to
you. I always have. This is not any different from everyone else's
relationship with their daughter. I wish we were closer. I wish we
had a relationship like the women I work and their daughters. Maybe,
one day you will feel like you can come to me.
I want you to know now more then ever my door is open to you. It has
always been open to you. I have dreamt and wished over the years that
you would walk through it. I am willing to wait for that day if it
ever comes.
In the meantime, I can offer advice not just as your mother, friend,
nurse....how ever you need to qualify it. I have been where you are.
I do know from personal and professional experience. I can help. If
you have questions or need advice, if you need a place to be I am
here. John is here too. You truly need only ask.
Your Grandmother said last night that you did not believe me when I
told you can come here anytime that you want. You are wrong and so is
she. I'm not certain how I can convince you. I guess all I can do is
tell you to take a leap of faith and just "show up". We will be here.
At times I think your Grandmother remembers a time when if someone
said they had trouble you could just drop everything and go to them.
It is not that easy anymore for anyone in fact I think its harder. I
have two jobs neither provide me with sick time or benefits. John has
some sick time and benefits that cover us both. We are like a lot of
couples. We are swimming in debt and neither of us can afford a day
off unless we have to. We haven't adjusted to buying to a house so
the utilities, credit cards, etc seem like mountains. Again like
every adult on the planet. We will get through it with time.
John and I do get worried when our finances feel like they are out of
control...like everyone else...and we become obsessed with "must go
to work so we can pay bills" that unless we are hit over head we
don't know what is going on. We have everything on sort of schedule
that really just serves us not having to scramble around and create
more stress for ourselves. We are under enough.
I guess this was a little of what happened last night when I talked
things over with your grandmother. I will not allow her to lay guilt,
shame, manipulate or critique me anymore. It took me years to build
some self esteem and I will not let her or anyone take that from me.
Enough said on that.
Once I had a little self esteem (BTW, it took me over seven years
to stand up for myself at shitty job) until I could go to school and
try to build some kind of life for myself and John. I had hoped this
would include you. I did it alone. John helped a little along the way
but there was really only some much he could do and help with. I took
the bus. I waited at the stops in the pouring rain and blizzards.
Alone and at all hours. Just like you. I did not receive OSAP or
help from family. We did it. We juggled and struggled. The first year
was tough. I used up all of my RRSPs. We always lived paycheck to
paycheck. We didn't have a car until my second or third year. John
was paying for it. He needed it for work. The second year I had a bus
pass. It came as part of my tuition. I was still getting unemployment
for the first two months (during the first year) and then nothing for
the rest of the year while I upgraded. I was able to get a credit
card and used that for my first year of nursing. After my second year
of nursing I was able to get two part jobs for the summer only. I
went for to Connestoga College for four years. I searched, like you,
every summer for jobs but as I was older no one would hire me. They
saw me as limited...they wanted to train people who would stay with
them.. work crazy hours..etc. So, I do know all about this too.
I could go on and on about all this and my journey from my parents
house until where I am now but really it was only my intention to
show you that I care and I do have valuable advice you might want,
need or find helpful to get you from where you are now to a better
place. I can say something my mother...yes, your grandmother...never
ever said to me and that is I am so proud of you. You have had your
share of hardships and have overcome them too. I brag about you all
the time at work. I am sorry my plans and dreams for you and I did
not go the way I wanted them to. I still wish they will.
If you need me you know where I am. And yes, really I am only a call
or email away. It is where I have always been.
Love Mom
XOXOX