my equivilence
My equivalence I learned today is as little as the smallest thing u can see cut in half. It is less then half of half of what u care nothing for. I am the ant at the parade that the marching band steps on constantly and then gets ran over by the cars and people that follow. I have learned that my equivalence is only good for a day and a half. And I coin that phrase as my own, the (subject) and a half. It is mine, and I don’t care what anyone says. Everything in life has gone towards beyond the equivalence of a bottomless pit. Cause in just a day and a half, my existence, my influence, my heart, my hopes, my dreams, my everlasting love meant nothing. But I can’t truly blame anyone for my own stupidity brought upon me my demise. As the quote goes that George Bush (fuckin republicans suck) couldn’t speak for himself, “Fool me once, your fault, fool me twice, and it is my own.” I am tired of searching for a lost hope. A better tomorrow, a yard in which the grass is greener on the other side for it is not my future, my destiny. I am in theory, like Jesus. I will lay here and let all of humanity crush me time and time again so that you as the race of man can be your selfish, greedy, thick head and in all sense unbearable can have that extra little something to make your own days better for yourselves. What was it exactly that made me not good enough, that made me be in the ultimate position I am in today. Was it poverty, was it an outward image of what others thought upon themselves, was it my relentless need to want to help all of you and care for anyone willing to shed the light of grace in my direction, or was it simply the fact that I know that my equivalence is less than any random thing you all can find stuck deep down in your toilets. And that since I know this I know that anyone and everyone is and always will be better than me, perhaps it is. Perhaps my acceptance to the truth that everyone is better than me, that my life of depression is what wards you all away. But these stressful days and years of drama can not be stood anymore. I can’t even think on my own anymore. My mind has grown sick with mans despicable ways. All I have left is common sense and logic. That I no longer maintain the ability to learn, that holding a memory would have to be of one of a moment in which nothing went wrong, I am going brain dead. I’m going bald from these stressful days. And I mean no overstatement, I truly am cursed with this sickness. I guess I am as Jesus was, a man that even when faced with his end, still did everything he could and sacrificed everything he had even his own life, simple to help mankind. My life is slipping from me, and yet I still can’t stop and shutter the words "I don’t care". And this isn’t to just that one person whom took my heart and decided to toss it aside for someone better, no not at all. This is to every girl who has torn me, to every friend who has stabbed me, to every emotion that ever held me back, to every enemy who still can not come up with a reason of hating me that did there best to ruin my name. Here I am seated, a man who has always "cared" yet I am a rapist, a druggie, a thug, an attempted murderer to the second degree, the dealer on the corner of your and everyone’s street, the stalker, the alcoholic, the female beater, the father of a daughter soon to b a bastard, the son to a mother soon to be her own family of one, the attempted marine whom was not allowed in because I sopsivly have attempted murder to the second degree, the picture guy whom will never stop seeing the truths of peoples lives and how they r lived, the ugly fat kid in the back of class that no one cares to know, the best friend you ever had but could never be closer, the one who simply after all of humanities lies was simply not good enough, I remain seated here with nothing as my equivalence.