feeling unclean
i stopped the ganga intake yesterday for sallie mae, i dont know if ill start smokin' again in a few weeks.
if i get the job- chances are i seriously may quit. idk, its hard to rationalize it with myself anymore. theres no excuse for what i do to myself on a daily basis. i already have health, diet, and self esteem issues all this time i thought i was solving them but i just make it all worse.
today i found out my sister has drank before, and im worried. she told me this is about when i started things so she was "Allowed to experiment" which i suppose in a way is true but she shouldnt. SHE HAS NO FUCKING CLUE.
i seriously thought about dumping out a 30 pack of beer i have out in front of her in hopes it would get the point across to that its not a fucking joke. perhaps i should lead by example. i didnt dump my shit though, and the reasoning behind it? because i want to drink it. that, in itself, should tell me something is wrong. maybe its just because this is probably one of the longest stents i havent been high in years but im starting to wonder what the fuck i'm doing with my life.
if i get the job- chances are i seriously may quit. idk, its hard to rationalize it with myself anymore. theres no excuse for what i do to myself on a daily basis. i already have health, diet, and self esteem issues all this time i thought i was solving them but i just make it all worse.
today i found out my sister has drank before, and im worried. she told me this is about when i started things so she was "Allowed to experiment" which i suppose in a way is true but she shouldnt. SHE HAS NO FUCKING CLUE.
i seriously thought about dumping out a 30 pack of beer i have out in front of her in hopes it would get the point across to that its not a fucking joke. perhaps i should lead by example. i didnt dump my shit though, and the reasoning behind it? because i want to drink it. that, in itself, should tell me something is wrong. maybe its just because this is probably one of the longest stents i havent been high in years but im starting to wonder what the fuck i'm doing with my life.