as the world turns
ever since i've taken on rather 'boss-like' responsibilities at work, my life has just been flipping over and over and over. i don't know what to make of it. two days ago i had a screamfest at veronica for calling me condescending; interactions have been most strained between me and her and me and jeremy. jeremy, who is going to leave to turkey while i'm out in texas and i will probably not see for another very long time. we had another fight last night! and i'm leaving this place in two days.
i've been questioning myself and what i see around me as my reality, wanting to bend things a bit if i see the need to make changes in the way i conduct myself with others. my latest struggle has been dealing with my wanting to get the things i want, but without really manipulating or angering my neighbors. i want to try and find a middle grounnd, but i find so often that people are more willing to start an argument over a silly thing than stop and talk about it. for instance, last night while we were making some food, jeremy threw a couple eggshells and a chorizo wrapper in the sink, which was already messy and full of dishes. i said, "dude, come on. eggshells in the sink?" jeremy said, "i'll take care of it in the morning!" and then the same conversation we've had dozens of times came right back. "you never take care of it!" i said, "that's because you get up before everyone and wash all the dishes first" said he, to which i began to reply, "but they shouldn't even be there in the first pl- nevermind, let's just not have this conversation." but jeremy kept going, "i always wash your dishes!" and maybe another couple lines. at that point i was done, but he wanted to get some kind of last word in, which was really hurtful and tiring. my intention in the first was not to start a fight, i wasn't angry; i just wanted the eggshells out of the sink! but this thing i've seen over and over again lately, that by challenging a person's sense of being able to do whatever the fuck they want, especially if it involves piles of trash in other peoples' shared space, can get really nasty.
my hands are totally helter skelter'd. i've got blisters on all my fingers. work has been really busy lately. i got promoted to managing the kitchen at magpie. i'm really psyched. i'm scared for everyone, now that i'm going for two weeks, but hell, man. if i don't go i'll go nuts!!!
i called my dad last night and he seemed in a weird mood. he told me he's been drinking again. i'm not concerned about his alcoholism so much as it points out the way his life is going. he told me angelique won't talk to him, and i know damian won't. he misses all of us, he says, and nobody is reaching out to befriend my ostracized dad. his work is the only thing that brings him pleasure, probably the way that mine and mom's does...it makes us feel needed and important.
sarah riley called all this funkiness "ghostbusters 2 pink ooze everywhere" which i'm believing more and more.
i've been questioning myself and what i see around me as my reality, wanting to bend things a bit if i see the need to make changes in the way i conduct myself with others. my latest struggle has been dealing with my wanting to get the things i want, but without really manipulating or angering my neighbors. i want to try and find a middle grounnd, but i find so often that people are more willing to start an argument over a silly thing than stop and talk about it. for instance, last night while we were making some food, jeremy threw a couple eggshells and a chorizo wrapper in the sink, which was already messy and full of dishes. i said, "dude, come on. eggshells in the sink?" jeremy said, "i'll take care of it in the morning!" and then the same conversation we've had dozens of times came right back. "you never take care of it!" i said, "that's because you get up before everyone and wash all the dishes first" said he, to which i began to reply, "but they shouldn't even be there in the first pl- nevermind, let's just not have this conversation." but jeremy kept going, "i always wash your dishes!" and maybe another couple lines. at that point i was done, but he wanted to get some kind of last word in, which was really hurtful and tiring. my intention in the first was not to start a fight, i wasn't angry; i just wanted the eggshells out of the sink! but this thing i've seen over and over again lately, that by challenging a person's sense of being able to do whatever the fuck they want, especially if it involves piles of trash in other peoples' shared space, can get really nasty.
my hands are totally helter skelter'd. i've got blisters on all my fingers. work has been really busy lately. i got promoted to managing the kitchen at magpie. i'm really psyched. i'm scared for everyone, now that i'm going for two weeks, but hell, man. if i don't go i'll go nuts!!!
i called my dad last night and he seemed in a weird mood. he told me he's been drinking again. i'm not concerned about his alcoholism so much as it points out the way his life is going. he told me angelique won't talk to him, and i know damian won't. he misses all of us, he says, and nobody is reaching out to befriend my ostracized dad. his work is the only thing that brings him pleasure, probably the way that mine and mom's does...it makes us feel needed and important.
sarah riley called all this funkiness "ghostbusters 2 pink ooze everywhere" which i'm believing more and more.