(no subject)
First off, it's Dave's ((davidtiffany)) 18th birthday today. You should wish him a happy birthday. He's awesome. Could be why he's my hero.
DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE DRUG REFERENCES.
When I left for DC, I left with one of the kids that was staying at Bill's house with me. His name's Mike. He's awesome in every way imaginable. He's the kind of person that could wake you up at 4am and tell you to get dressed since we're leaving for an unknown destination and you'd trust him. So, after the excursions and hours of driving to both Chicago and New York, we finally got to DC. On the way there, he told me that we'd be going to a party that I had never been to before. I agreed. When we got there it wasn't like I had expected at all. He told me it'd be different, but not that different. He told me not to try anything since he didn't know what it was and he didn't need me getting hurt or something bad (he's cute). I didn't wanna do anything. I wanted to watch all these people that were on what I later found out to be Ecstacy. They looked so happy. So free and fresh. This kid comes up to me and hands me two bags of pills. One had 8 and the other 7. Mike told me to hold on to them for when we got back to Mass. Well, last night rolls along and I'm getting kind of antsy to know what they are. So, who do I talk to? Richie. The one and only. This kid knows everything about everything when it comes to this type of shit. He tells me to take two and wait a little while to see what they are. They weren't rat poisoning like I thought they'd be. Or aspirin. Or packed morphine. I'm assuming from the effects that happened in the end, that it was infact Ecstacy.
I chewed two pills around 6. Nothing happened when 6:30 came around. I felt kinda sick to my stomach and I was totally convinced that it was a bad idea. But, who decides to show up at the most perfect time? Mike. He told me I should have been with someone for my first time incase I flipped out or whatever. But, he tells me to get in the car that we're going somewhere. It's now about 7 and my body totally slows down on me. I could feel my heart rate decrease. I felt like I couldn't feel my arms. I'm not sure how many of you have ever been on a serious pain killer or a morphine drip, but it was similar to that. That lasted for about 15 minutes. We had been going pretty fast and we were at the Bourne Bridge. For those who don't know how beautiful that bridge is at night when one's normal, it's absolutley breathtaking. I asked him to pull over. I got out to look at the water, and then I felt it. It was literally a rush. I felt it in every part of my body. From the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes was flooded with pure happiness. Mike of course was by my side (thinking that I'm planning on jumping the suicide-safe bridge) just looking at me and even he knew it. I can't even describe it. Its like someone took all the bad shit in my life, physically lifted it out of my body, and threw it over the bridge. I was free. I was released. The bridge must have been the most beautiful thing in the world and I was a part of it. Mike told me to get in the car since we had been spending about an hour on it. He turns on music that I probably wouldn't listen to normally. He called it his "E Mix". He turned the volume up pretty high. I closed my eyes. I could feel the music pumping through my veins. The bass was my heartbeat. I knew if the music stopped, I would, too. Then I decided to roll down the window and look out of it. The wind touching my face was beautiful. It was cool and relaxing. And the lights! Even someones blinker was beautiful. I wanted to hold everyone. I wanted to tell everyone that I loved them. Even if I didn't know them, they were still the most perfect person in the world. Then somewhere between Wareham and going to Onset Beach, Mike put his hand on mine. It literally took my breath away. It was so beautiful. So perfect. We got to the beach and all I could do was watch. My body was filled with all the wonder and beauty in the world and I couldn't bare it anymore. I cried. Not like breaking down crying (although it was almost that) but like tears. They were tears of joy. Then Mike held me. Hearing his heart beating was so beautiful. It's like everythings new and renergized. I looked into his deep brown eyes and in that instant, I found love. I could hear everything he was thinking. I knew everything about this kid in one glance. And I loved it. I loved him. I told him and he told me he loved me, too. It wasn't like the pre-orgasmic rush "I love you". It was the "I love you" that comes out of trust. Real love. Something I never ever believed in until that second when I said it. He called me "beauitiful". Something that I'd always deny and usuy end up smacking someone for saying. I believed him. I felt it. I felt like Cinderella must have felt when she found her prince and was released from her evil step sisters. He told me to go look in the water. When you run your hands through water really really quickly at certain times of the year, you can see those phosflourescent things light up in the nighttime. I kept running my hands through the water and seeing these things light up for a split second over and over. It amazed me. The way water felt on my skin was like a blanket. It was covering me. Protecting me. It was beautiful. It was amazing. Standing looking over the ocean with the clouds hiding the moon and Mike standing behind me really made me think about how much beauty there is in the world. I can't even comprehend it. It's too mind boggling to ever fully understand. How anyone could ever want to voluntarily take their life and remove themselves from this world is an action that I will never understand. It's beautiful. Everything.
I feel so free and released now. I have nothing to worry about. I can't be bogged down with all that shit when there's so much beauty in the world that goes overlooked much of the time. I'm in love with this feeling. I want to do this again.
[By reading this you probably think that I'm this huge crackhead and I pop pills all the time. It's not true. But, think what you want. This entry could never possibly describe what I felt last night and what I feel like now. No words could ever do that for you. You'll have to experience it yourself.]
DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE DRUG REFERENCES.
When I left for DC, I left with one of the kids that was staying at Bill's house with me. His name's Mike. He's awesome in every way imaginable. He's the kind of person that could wake you up at 4am and tell you to get dressed since we're leaving for an unknown destination and you'd trust him. So, after the excursions and hours of driving to both Chicago and New York, we finally got to DC. On the way there, he told me that we'd be going to a party that I had never been to before. I agreed. When we got there it wasn't like I had expected at all. He told me it'd be different, but not that different. He told me not to try anything since he didn't know what it was and he didn't need me getting hurt or something bad (he's cute). I didn't wanna do anything. I wanted to watch all these people that were on what I later found out to be Ecstacy. They looked so happy. So free and fresh. This kid comes up to me and hands me two bags of pills. One had 8 and the other 7. Mike told me to hold on to them for when we got back to Mass. Well, last night rolls along and I'm getting kind of antsy to know what they are. So, who do I talk to? Richie. The one and only. This kid knows everything about everything when it comes to this type of shit. He tells me to take two and wait a little while to see what they are. They weren't rat poisoning like I thought they'd be. Or aspirin. Or packed morphine. I'm assuming from the effects that happened in the end, that it was infact Ecstacy.
I chewed two pills around 6. Nothing happened when 6:30 came around. I felt kinda sick to my stomach and I was totally convinced that it was a bad idea. But, who decides to show up at the most perfect time? Mike. He told me I should have been with someone for my first time incase I flipped out or whatever. But, he tells me to get in the car that we're going somewhere. It's now about 7 and my body totally slows down on me. I could feel my heart rate decrease. I felt like I couldn't feel my arms. I'm not sure how many of you have ever been on a serious pain killer or a morphine drip, but it was similar to that. That lasted for about 15 minutes. We had been going pretty fast and we were at the Bourne Bridge. For those who don't know how beautiful that bridge is at night when one's normal, it's absolutley breathtaking. I asked him to pull over. I got out to look at the water, and then I felt it. It was literally a rush. I felt it in every part of my body. From the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes was flooded with pure happiness. Mike of course was by my side (thinking that I'm planning on jumping the suicide-safe bridge) just looking at me and even he knew it. I can't even describe it. Its like someone took all the bad shit in my life, physically lifted it out of my body, and threw it over the bridge. I was free. I was released. The bridge must have been the most beautiful thing in the world and I was a part of it. Mike told me to get in the car since we had been spending about an hour on it. He turns on music that I probably wouldn't listen to normally. He called it his "E Mix". He turned the volume up pretty high. I closed my eyes. I could feel the music pumping through my veins. The bass was my heartbeat. I knew if the music stopped, I would, too. Then I decided to roll down the window and look out of it. The wind touching my face was beautiful. It was cool and relaxing. And the lights! Even someones blinker was beautiful. I wanted to hold everyone. I wanted to tell everyone that I loved them. Even if I didn't know them, they were still the most perfect person in the world. Then somewhere between Wareham and going to Onset Beach, Mike put his hand on mine. It literally took my breath away. It was so beautiful. So perfect. We got to the beach and all I could do was watch. My body was filled with all the wonder and beauty in the world and I couldn't bare it anymore. I cried. Not like breaking down crying (although it was almost that) but like tears. They were tears of joy. Then Mike held me. Hearing his heart beating was so beautiful. It's like everythings new and renergized. I looked into his deep brown eyes and in that instant, I found love. I could hear everything he was thinking. I knew everything about this kid in one glance. And I loved it. I loved him. I told him and he told me he loved me, too. It wasn't like the pre-orgasmic rush "I love you". It was the "I love you" that comes out of trust. Real love. Something I never ever believed in until that second when I said it. He called me "beauitiful". Something that I'd always deny and usuy end up smacking someone for saying. I believed him. I felt it. I felt like Cinderella must have felt when she found her prince and was released from her evil step sisters. He told me to go look in the water. When you run your hands through water really really quickly at certain times of the year, you can see those phosflourescent things light up in the nighttime. I kept running my hands through the water and seeing these things light up for a split second over and over. It amazed me. The way water felt on my skin was like a blanket. It was covering me. Protecting me. It was beautiful. It was amazing. Standing looking over the ocean with the clouds hiding the moon and Mike standing behind me really made me think about how much beauty there is in the world. I can't even comprehend it. It's too mind boggling to ever fully understand. How anyone could ever want to voluntarily take their life and remove themselves from this world is an action that I will never understand. It's beautiful. Everything.
I feel so free and released now. I have nothing to worry about. I can't be bogged down with all that shit when there's so much beauty in the world that goes overlooked much of the time. I'm in love with this feeling. I want to do this again.
[By reading this you probably think that I'm this huge crackhead and I pop pills all the time. It's not true. But, think what you want. This entry could never possibly describe what I felt last night and what I feel like now. No words could ever do that for you. You'll have to experience it yourself.]