(no subject)
'ive thought a lot about death recently, the finality of it, the argument ending in mid-air. one of us hadnt finished, why did the other one go? and why without warning? the troops broke through the window and snatched the body and the body is gone. the day before the wednesday last, this time a year ago, you were here and now you're not. why not? death reduces us to the baffled logic of a small child. if yesterday why not today? and where are you?...do the dead find peace beyond the rattle of the world? what peace is there for us whose best love cannot return them even for a day? i raise my head to the door and think i will see you in the frame. i know it is your voice in the corridor but when i run outside the corrider is empty. there is nothing i can do that will make any difference. the last word was yours...and if anyone had said this is the price i would have agreed to pay it. that surprises me; that with the hurt and the mess comes a shaft of recognition. it was worth it. love was worth it'
her anniversary came and went. two years later. i told you not to die. i always worried about forgetting - what her shampoo smelled like, how her voice sounded but it comes back. bittersweet.
'i am run through. into the holes i pack splinters of hope but hope does not heal me. should i pad my eyes with forgetfulness, eyes grown thin through looking? frontal bone, palatine bones, nasal bones, lacrimal bones, cheek bones, maxilla, vomer, inferior conchae, mandible. those are my shields, those are my blankets, those words dont remind me of your face.'
the only thing to do after losing is forgetting. i tried that for so long and ive realized that forgetting does her no justice. it doesnt make me miss her less. that its impossible to erase years from your life and moments of happiness from your memories because everything reminds me of you. sad chords, sun dials, lavender, voices like wind chimes and creaking floors. today there would have been a call, a card in the mailbox and blown kisses. its missed - the sound of air over phone wires and west virginia postmarked envelopes but this year i wrote postcards from the future and threw them to the wind.
i want to tell you all about her.
'this hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit it.'
and i dont want them to.
6.28.87 - 10.22.02
its late but i think that shes deserves it
quotes from written on the body by jeanette winterson.
her anniversary came and went. two years later. i told you not to die. i always worried about forgetting - what her shampoo smelled like, how her voice sounded but it comes back. bittersweet.
'i am run through. into the holes i pack splinters of hope but hope does not heal me. should i pad my eyes with forgetfulness, eyes grown thin through looking? frontal bone, palatine bones, nasal bones, lacrimal bones, cheek bones, maxilla, vomer, inferior conchae, mandible. those are my shields, those are my blankets, those words dont remind me of your face.'
the only thing to do after losing is forgetting. i tried that for so long and ive realized that forgetting does her no justice. it doesnt make me miss her less. that its impossible to erase years from your life and moments of happiness from your memories because everything reminds me of you. sad chords, sun dials, lavender, voices like wind chimes and creaking floors. today there would have been a call, a card in the mailbox and blown kisses. its missed - the sound of air over phone wires and west virginia postmarked envelopes but this year i wrote postcards from the future and threw them to the wind.
i want to tell you all about her.
'this hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit it.'
and i dont want them to.
6.28.87 - 10.22.02
its late but i think that shes deserves it
quotes from written on the body by jeanette winterson.