no real reason to accept the way things have changed
the real truth on how i am:
i'm so fucking depressed.
it's just been one of those days.. and one of those weeks.
i hate when people use me then ignore me. and i hate when friends are only friends out of convenience. and when they try to hide stuff from me. what do they have to hide?
every day that passes i feel more and more like downing a ton of pills and just slowly killing myself. i'm suffering here and no one seems to understand it. and no, none of you, not a single one of you, can make it any better. i'm sorry. it's too far past that point.
for the past 6 months i have been dreading car rides. i hate driving more than 5 or 10 minutes. when i ride in the car i chain smoke like a motherfucker to pass the time. i hate waiting. even at restaurants. i'm more impatient than ever before and i can't figure out why. all of this started to happen after jared left me. and i can't figure out why subconsciously i'm doing these things.
i've done nothing these past 6 months but lie, cheat, steal, screw up, backstab, betray, and fight. what is wrong with me. who have i become? someone i'm not very proud of. someone i hate. i've become what i never wanted to be. the anti-kim. the total opposite of what everyone expects from me.
and i'm sorry. to each and every one of you that i've hurt along the way. i am truly sorry. and i'm laying it all out there in the open for everyone to see. i've made a lot of mistakes the past half year, and i'm paying for them.
i don't have anymore secrets. i've exposed myself, bits and pieces, to everyone at some point or another. so now you can all hate me.
you think your life is fucked up. welcome to my world.
& i'm not asking anyone to forgive me. i know i am not worthy of that.
i'm so fucking depressed.
it's just been one of those days.. and one of those weeks.
i hate when people use me then ignore me. and i hate when friends are only friends out of convenience. and when they try to hide stuff from me. what do they have to hide?
every day that passes i feel more and more like downing a ton of pills and just slowly killing myself. i'm suffering here and no one seems to understand it. and no, none of you, not a single one of you, can make it any better. i'm sorry. it's too far past that point.
for the past 6 months i have been dreading car rides. i hate driving more than 5 or 10 minutes. when i ride in the car i chain smoke like a motherfucker to pass the time. i hate waiting. even at restaurants. i'm more impatient than ever before and i can't figure out why. all of this started to happen after jared left me. and i can't figure out why subconsciously i'm doing these things.
i've done nothing these past 6 months but lie, cheat, steal, screw up, backstab, betray, and fight. what is wrong with me. who have i become? someone i'm not very proud of. someone i hate. i've become what i never wanted to be. the anti-kim. the total opposite of what everyone expects from me.
and i'm sorry. to each and every one of you that i've hurt along the way. i am truly sorry. and i'm laying it all out there in the open for everyone to see. i've made a lot of mistakes the past half year, and i'm paying for them.
i don't have anymore secrets. i've exposed myself, bits and pieces, to everyone at some point or another. so now you can all hate me.
you think your life is fucked up. welcome to my world.
& i'm not asking anyone to forgive me. i know i am not worthy of that.