(no subject)

[x____emoboy]

Sometimes I wish I could come up with insightful, long things to write in these blogs, but then I just realize that I'm not really that insightful at all. I'm pretty damn boring. I hang out with the same people all the time (half of whom i can't stand, by the way), and I end up having more fun at home or school than out. I remember I used to make fun of people who would rather go home than hang out with their friends, but for the past few months, I can completely relate. I don't think I'm happy at all, really, and I'm starting to think that one of my friends that I actually like was right when she said something like I could have so much more and enjoy my life so much more if something wasn't holding me back. I really don't know what it is that's holding me back, but I so wish I did. I think it's kind of a mix of everything. My parents, my shyness, and my pretending that everything will change on its own. I keep saying, "Well, when I can drive everything will be easier." But really, how will it be easier? My mom gives me a ride to anywhere I want to go now anyway, and where will I be going? I don't like my friends, and I'm too shy to get new ones, so I'm not going to really be going out very much. And then there are a lot of people who I know I could hang out with, and I'd love to because they're awesome people and I have a lot of fun with them, but I never make anything of it because I think it's gonna be awkward or something. And I think my mom's starting to think I'm depressed or something, because she reads my away messages and they're always like I want to die. And she keeps asking why I'm home when my friends are out and I say because I hate my friends. I'm really not depressed, though. It's just, I have no reason to hang out with people who just make me angry. I'd rather stay alone. And my I want to die away messages are just like when I feel really sick or really angry or something.

Be prepared for some more posts on here with abrupt endings like that.