(no subject)
So in this entry i'm being honest to everyone else and myself. If you dont like what I say stop reading it, dont leave some bitch ass comment like fuck you or something.
First off, I'm still in love with Jared. I know all it's going to do is end up hurting me really bad again but listen, I realize that so please stop telling me how much damage it's going to do to me, it's my problem, one I already know and am just basically waiting for. It's hard to get over someone you love so much in 1 month. Really really hard so please dont be like Lauren all you're doing is hurting yourself, yeah I fucking know. I also know that I broke up with George so I wouldnt be like "leading him on" or whatever. I did like him but I wouldnt want someone to like another person more than me when we were going out. I also know that Jared doesnt like me back, I didnt break things off with George so Jared would take me back, i did it so I could actually get over Jared but this definately isnt working. I still care about him more than anyone here and I dont even care what you guys say about it.
Next, one thing I really hate lately is when people try to tell me how I feel. I know how I feel you dont. I know whether I care about you or want to be your friend or not. If I didnt care I wouldnt ask what was up or like how're you doing and shit like that. It makes me so upset when I ask a question and you're like you dont even care and crap like that. Honestly if I didnt care or want to know I wouldnt ask, it's really not that hard to ignore a person you dont like.
I dont like getting into deep talks when they're forced. For instance, when people are like Lauren why arent you talking it seems like you dont even care, shut the fuck up, i'm gonna talk when I'm ready. It just seems like whenever we're together all you guys wanna do is get all deep and shit and that's not even that fun, I know you guys think it's going to make us all closer and crap but we're only kids for so long, we should be going out and having fun, not always talking about what's wrong with eachother and all that crap. We should go to parties or have some and not worry all the time what's so wrong with one another. I'm sure if we went out and did fun things we'd be closer. Also, I dont think it's fair that we all have to talk at once when some of us might just have nothing to say about it. It's not like if we want to talk we wont or anything like that, it just takes time for some.
I think it's stupid how every weekend I end up doing the same thing with the same people. I love having a group of close friends but its stupid how we always have to do the same thing every single fucking weekend. It's either go to the movies or go to someones house. We could do so many other things so why arent we?
I hate all the fighting that's goin on between the two "crews". I hate being in the middle cuz that's what I am. I'm friends with both sides and it's putting me into a bad position and there's no way i'm choosing between the two of you. Richie Ryan and Jared you guys are there for me whenever I need you but so are Mike and Kevin and RK. Same thing other way around. You guys fight over stupid shit that in 5 years you're not even going to remember. Who cares if Brooke kissed other guys, she isnt hooking up with them or anything and still loves Johnny. It was between them not any of you guys. People call eachother gay whenever they say something stupid or do something stupid, it's not something to fight about. People dont like eachother that's how it goes but dont tell me how gay you think the other side is, i really dont feel like listening to it.
I'm here to talk to but just because I dont say something right away it's because I know what it feels like to want some time before you get asked a million and one questions at the slightest sign of being sad. Also if I dont say anything about it it's because I'm not sure what to say or i'm thinking about what I should say to help the situation, I may not be able to say it that same day but it takes time, sorry.
Homecoming is really bugging me this year. I dont think I want to go because I dont want to go without a date but I dont want a date unless it's yeah but that's not gonna happen so i dont think i'm going to go, it'll hurt too much to see him with someone else doing the same thing we used to. But i'm going to be ok about it no matter how bad it's going to hurt. I already know i'm going to be heartbroken really soon but who the hell cares, it's my problem.
That's all I can think about right now so yeah, update later.
PS Brian, thank you for that song, it's beautiful.
if anyone wants to hear the song brian wrote about yours truely and someone else go to
www.myspace.com/whereslawrence and click on the poison that killed the montague
First off, I'm still in love with Jared. I know all it's going to do is end up hurting me really bad again but listen, I realize that so please stop telling me how much damage it's going to do to me, it's my problem, one I already know and am just basically waiting for. It's hard to get over someone you love so much in 1 month. Really really hard so please dont be like Lauren all you're doing is hurting yourself, yeah I fucking know. I also know that I broke up with George so I wouldnt be like "leading him on" or whatever. I did like him but I wouldnt want someone to like another person more than me when we were going out. I also know that Jared doesnt like me back, I didnt break things off with George so Jared would take me back, i did it so I could actually get over Jared but this definately isnt working. I still care about him more than anyone here and I dont even care what you guys say about it.
Next, one thing I really hate lately is when people try to tell me how I feel. I know how I feel you dont. I know whether I care about you or want to be your friend or not. If I didnt care I wouldnt ask what was up or like how're you doing and shit like that. It makes me so upset when I ask a question and you're like you dont even care and crap like that. Honestly if I didnt care or want to know I wouldnt ask, it's really not that hard to ignore a person you dont like.
I dont like getting into deep talks when they're forced. For instance, when people are like Lauren why arent you talking it seems like you dont even care, shut the fuck up, i'm gonna talk when I'm ready. It just seems like whenever we're together all you guys wanna do is get all deep and shit and that's not even that fun, I know you guys think it's going to make us all closer and crap but we're only kids for so long, we should be going out and having fun, not always talking about what's wrong with eachother and all that crap. We should go to parties or have some and not worry all the time what's so wrong with one another. I'm sure if we went out and did fun things we'd be closer. Also, I dont think it's fair that we all have to talk at once when some of us might just have nothing to say about it. It's not like if we want to talk we wont or anything like that, it just takes time for some.
I think it's stupid how every weekend I end up doing the same thing with the same people. I love having a group of close friends but its stupid how we always have to do the same thing every single fucking weekend. It's either go to the movies or go to someones house. We could do so many other things so why arent we?
I hate all the fighting that's goin on between the two "crews". I hate being in the middle cuz that's what I am. I'm friends with both sides and it's putting me into a bad position and there's no way i'm choosing between the two of you. Richie Ryan and Jared you guys are there for me whenever I need you but so are Mike and Kevin and RK. Same thing other way around. You guys fight over stupid shit that in 5 years you're not even going to remember. Who cares if Brooke kissed other guys, she isnt hooking up with them or anything and still loves Johnny. It was between them not any of you guys. People call eachother gay whenever they say something stupid or do something stupid, it's not something to fight about. People dont like eachother that's how it goes but dont tell me how gay you think the other side is, i really dont feel like listening to it.
I'm here to talk to but just because I dont say something right away it's because I know what it feels like to want some time before you get asked a million and one questions at the slightest sign of being sad. Also if I dont say anything about it it's because I'm not sure what to say or i'm thinking about what I should say to help the situation, I may not be able to say it that same day but it takes time, sorry.
Homecoming is really bugging me this year. I dont think I want to go because I dont want to go without a date but I dont want a date unless it's yeah but that's not gonna happen so i dont think i'm going to go, it'll hurt too much to see him with someone else doing the same thing we used to. But i'm going to be ok about it no matter how bad it's going to hurt. I already know i'm going to be heartbroken really soon but who the hell cares, it's my problem.
That's all I can think about right now so yeah, update later.
PS Brian, thank you for that song, it's beautiful.
if anyone wants to hear the song brian wrote about yours truely and someone else go to
www.myspace.com/whereslawrence and click on the poison that killed the montague