Hey baby girl! I am mostly a silent reader over here, but I thought a piece of advice could be usefull here. I was in the same situation.
I'm the smallest daughter, and having two older brothers was never easy. One of them is as succesfull as he could be, and has a perfect life, wife and kids included, and the other is simply a lazy baby, and my parents spoil him rotten, even though he's already 30.
I was always under the shadow of a perfect brother, and a spoiled one, and my place was never secure, or even there. All my family expected things from me, everytime, and they didn't care how I was or what I needed. I had a really bad time when I turned 21, and my mother got sick. I just had finished my degree and I wanted to take some time to go on a trip and be myself, free and alone untill I decided what i wanted to do with my life, but I was forced to take care of her, because I was the girl, and the smallest.
I considered therapy, but I knew, deep inside, that therapy wasn't the solution. So i left home. I moved to the other side of the country (Im spanish), got a shitty job and I've been living by my own for one year and a half already. I'm still lost, I don't know what I wanna do (even though I have a degree and a master already) and I still need to heal, but I feel better, because now I am the one who decide what to do, or how should I do it.
I still cry myself to sleep most nights, and I do feel remorse coz most times I feel like I abandoned my family, but they where destroying my life, and that wasn't fair for me.
So, believe me, I know what you're going through. You need to take the reins of your life, because its yours, not your parents' or your brother's. Stay strong and take a time for yourself, to thing about you and what you really need. Nor rush is needed.
I'm the smallest daughter, and having two older brothers was never easy. One of them is as succesfull as he could be, and has a perfect life, wife and kids included, and the other is simply a lazy baby, and my parents spoil him rotten, even though he's already 30.
I was always under the shadow of a perfect brother, and a spoiled one, and my place was never secure, or even there. All my family expected things from me, everytime, and they didn't care how I was or what I needed. I had a really bad time when I turned 21, and my mother got sick. I just had finished my degree and I wanted to take some time to go on a trip and be myself, free and alone untill I decided what i wanted to do with my life, but I was forced to take care of her, because I was the girl, and the smallest.
I considered therapy, but I knew, deep inside, that therapy wasn't the solution. So i left home. I moved to the other side of the country (Im spanish), got a shitty job and I've been living by my own for one year and a half already. I'm still lost, I don't know what I wanna do (even though I have a degree and a master already) and I still need to heal, but I feel better, because now I am the one who decide what to do, or how should I do it.
I still cry myself to sleep most nights, and I do feel remorse coz most times I feel like I abandoned my family, but they where destroying my life, and that wasn't fair for me.
So, believe me, I know what you're going through. You need to take the reins of your life, because its yours, not your parents' or your brother's. Stay strong and take a time for yourself, to thing about you and what you really need. Nor rush is needed.
And, if you need to talk, tell me. =)
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