Starting Over
I've come to realize some things lately.
I am not who I used to be.
I am not who I want to be.
I do not like who I am becoming.
I am not ready for a relationship.
How can I expect to make a relationship work if I can't even figure myself out right now?
It seems I just always come back to this spot.
I know I've talked about it before.
It's my faith life.
Why am I struggling so much with it?
Why do I come back to this realization and then not work for what I want.
It's a commitment that I'm not following through with.
I can't possibly expect myself to last in a relationship with another person when I don't even work at the most important relationship in my life.
It's frustrating.
The Valpo campus is no place to nurture my faith.
I've done so many things that I promised myself I would never do.
I've let myself get wrapped up in things that hinder my faith life.
I've met the most wonderful guy I could ever hope to meet.
But he doesn't feel the same way about me.
We don't really know each other well enough, but it seems he just doesn't want to give me a chance.
So I've been opening up my options to people who I know won't be good for me.
I can't sacrifice what I've worked for and what I want just for a pointless relationship or stupid boy who will never care.
I refuse to lower myself just so I can get "experience."
So I think it's time to start over.
It's time for me to figure out where I stand in my faith and what I want to do with my life.
It's time to stop acting like a middle school girl who is obsessed with boys that will never like her back.
It's time to focus on what I want for my life, not what my family thinks should be happening.
It's time to stop putting on false fronts and masks to hide who I have become and what I've been doing.
Time to find me again.
I am not who I used to be.
I am not who I want to be.
I do not like who I am becoming.
I am not ready for a relationship.
How can I expect to make a relationship work if I can't even figure myself out right now?
It seems I just always come back to this spot.
I know I've talked about it before.
It's my faith life.
Why am I struggling so much with it?
Why do I come back to this realization and then not work for what I want.
It's a commitment that I'm not following through with.
I can't possibly expect myself to last in a relationship with another person when I don't even work at the most important relationship in my life.
It's frustrating.
The Valpo campus is no place to nurture my faith.
I've done so many things that I promised myself I would never do.
I've let myself get wrapped up in things that hinder my faith life.
I've met the most wonderful guy I could ever hope to meet.
But he doesn't feel the same way about me.
We don't really know each other well enough, but it seems he just doesn't want to give me a chance.
So I've been opening up my options to people who I know won't be good for me.
I can't sacrifice what I've worked for and what I want just for a pointless relationship or stupid boy who will never care.
I refuse to lower myself just so I can get "experience."
So I think it's time to start over.
It's time for me to figure out where I stand in my faith and what I want to do with my life.
It's time to stop acting like a middle school girl who is obsessed with boys that will never like her back.
It's time to focus on what I want for my life, not what my family thinks should be happening.
It's time to stop putting on false fronts and masks to hide who I have become and what I've been doing.
Time to find me again.