this entry is coming after a weekend of sooo many ups and downs and twists and turns
i hate it, absolutely hate it...when i allow the rare occurence in which i put complete faith into something and then get disappointed by it. I put complete and total trust into this kid. It's tough realizing that, as much as he claims, "i would kill for you," if i really need something right now and she was there simultaneously offering sex....i'd be dropped in a second. I'm not completely sure of this, of course, but it hurts ridiculous amounts nonetheless.
On another note...i was completely corrupted by the reality of life today. I found out that things go on around me that i thought only exist in the movies and among people who literally live on the streets. and i was in complete shock...it absolutely sickened and disgusted me. The worst part about it is that the only person who has any control over the situation really couldn't care less. I think the whole thing is horrific. You always think you've seen it all, been there done that...and i did see A LOT at a young age that most didn't see til they were double the age i was at the time...but this is just something that some people shouldn't ever have to be informed of the existence of...it's fucking disgusting ugh...i really don't have any other words for it.
ok...there were many little side stories and such that occurred this weekend that really got me down at some points...but i can't tell them all right now so i've only told those with continuous value. The others have just sorta supported the ones i've already told or have been completely put to rest already and i don't see a need to rehash them...
there was ONE great thing that came out of this weekend. at one point i put up an away msg...basically an :::annoyed at the world::: away msg. It was something bad, but out of it came something sooo good. My FRIENDS...my REAL friends...literally sat around in a room questioning who did what to annoy me and make me feel this way...they said things like "no, it was me and when i did this" ..."no, it must have been me when i did that" ...and the truth was that the four of them were honestly four of the very few people that were excluded from my thoughts when i put up that msg...and i felt terrible for making them think that and for worrying them...but i also realized how amazing they are and just have an entirely new appreciation for the fact that they are ALWAYS there, ALWAYS. Lauren and I decided on saturday night that we will room together next year and just like hugged each other in excitement sooo many times after that. The four of them are soo different, yet all such great people...and i live with all of them..so they really do feel like family to me. Quite a dysfunctional one, but i love it nonetheless =0)
This weekend, although not officially over for me since i don't have monday classes (or friday classes!! =D)...ended on a good note...tonight was a great night in which i hung out with lauren, chris, and roni (the "family" i mentioned above minus one)...around the dorm...went on a walmart run...and just relaxed and those may just be the best nights =) definitely was the best night of this weekend.
On another note...i was completely corrupted by the reality of life today. I found out that things go on around me that i thought only exist in the movies and among people who literally live on the streets. and i was in complete shock...it absolutely sickened and disgusted me. The worst part about it is that the only person who has any control over the situation really couldn't care less. I think the whole thing is horrific. You always think you've seen it all, been there done that...and i did see A LOT at a young age that most didn't see til they were double the age i was at the time...but this is just something that some people shouldn't ever have to be informed of the existence of...it's fucking disgusting ugh...i really don't have any other words for it.
ok...there were many little side stories and such that occurred this weekend that really got me down at some points...but i can't tell them all right now so i've only told those with continuous value. The others have just sorta supported the ones i've already told or have been completely put to rest already and i don't see a need to rehash them...
there was ONE great thing that came out of this weekend. at one point i put up an away msg...basically an :::annoyed at the world::: away msg. It was something bad, but out of it came something sooo good. My FRIENDS...my REAL friends...literally sat around in a room questioning who did what to annoy me and make me feel this way...they said things like "no, it was me and when i did this" ..."no, it must have been me when i did that" ...and the truth was that the four of them were honestly four of the very few people that were excluded from my thoughts when i put up that msg...and i felt terrible for making them think that and for worrying them...but i also realized how amazing they are and just have an entirely new appreciation for the fact that they are ALWAYS there, ALWAYS. Lauren and I decided on saturday night that we will room together next year and just like hugged each other in excitement sooo many times after that. The four of them are soo different, yet all such great people...and i live with all of them..so they really do feel like family to me. Quite a dysfunctional one, but i love it nonetheless =0)
This weekend, although not officially over for me since i don't have monday classes (or friday classes!! =D)...ended on a good note...tonight was a great night in which i hung out with lauren, chris, and roni (the "family" i mentioned above minus one)...around the dorm...went on a walmart run...and just relaxed and those may just be the best nights =) definitely was the best night of this weekend.