I can't believe this is happening...
Title: What's Mine?
Author: Meh Jess. x_tired_crazy_x
Summary: "I'm sorry Benji, I love you, but you're not mine anymore..." His scared face turns into a confused one. I move up to him and kiss his cheek. "I'm sorry, but we're over..." Joel may think it's over, but its not.
Dedication: To Rachel. Without her, I wouldn't exist.
Disclaimer: Not real, never happened. I'm making this up.
Notes: Thanks to everyone that reads this.. It means lots.
Add me and I'll get you back. I'm nice. A comment to let me know is also nice. Much Love!
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS HERE!
I honestly don't know how this happened. I had my final chapter in the works, but suddenly I opened a blank document and this just came pouring out. So to anyone that was hoping for a couple more chapters got your wish... I hope you enjoy! Read on:
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Hey, Benji?” Joel asks from his spot on the couch. He’s looking at his mural, which I can’t say I blame him, and eating cookie dough ice cream out of a carton.
“What’s up?” I ask him while entering the room officially instead of just leaning against the wall and staring at him. Sadly I find myself doing that all the time. I’ll stand there and watch him to stupid little domestic tasks. Like cook dinner, or put the clothes in the laundry, or brush his teeth. I just love watching him, he’s so cute and beautiful and… I’ll just stop here before I find myself unable to do so.
“You wanna come sit down?” he asks me, turning his body and resting his feet on the floor. He leans forward to put the empty ice cream carton on the coffee table. I furrow my brow as I walk forward.
“Is everything okay?” I question while taking the seat next to him. I steal a glance at Jerry Garcia, staring at me from the corner of the room, the crowd behind him in some kind of drugged out bliss.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Joel says while he grabs my hand and leans his body into my side. He rests his head on my shoulder sighs contently.
“You wanna know something?” he asks after a long moment of mildly awkward silence.
“Sure…” I reply, not meaning to sound so suspicious or scared, or whatever it is I’m feeling.
“I love you,” he admits in a profound matter. I let out a relieved rush of air from my lungs and do this half laugh thing. Joel’s looking at me in the eyes while I do this.
“What?” he says innocently in such an adorable matter I can’t help but lean my head down and place a sweet kiss on his temple.
“I do though!” he proclaims. “I love you so much, and I’m sitting here, staring at this mural and all I can think about it you. I keep thinking, I’m never gonna get rid of it,” he gestures to the mural without looking at it. “I’m never going to get rid of it and I never want to get rid of you,” he tells me. He gets up on the couch… on the giant fucking cushions. He gets on his knees so he’s facing my body. He takes both of my hands in his and starts trying to pull me to face him as well. I shake my head at him curiously while getting up on my knees as well.
“What is it?” I ask him.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he says and my breath hitches. “I want to see your face, everyday. When I wake up, before I go to bed. I want you to be my partner, my boyfriend, my bandmate, my best friend. I just…”
I don’t even have time to process all the words that come out so fluently from his lips. The way he talks is so beautiful, words just come to him in a way I’ll never understand. But before I know it, he’s kissing me hard with just about everything I think he’s got in him. And I kiss him back, the best I can, trying to mirror the intensity that’s radiating from him. He opens his mouth and depends the kiss and I take advantage of our position to gently ease him back on the couch. He flips his legs out from under himself so he can lie flat on his back. I lean over his body, still kissing his lips passionately. But something in me makes me pull back. Makes me wonder…
“Where did this come from?”
Now it’s Joel’s turn to furrow his brow.
“What do you mean?” he tilts his head.
“This whole realization of yours,” I start. “What made you want to tell me this… why now?”
“I…” Joel looks down between our bodies before he meets my eyes. “You know the chorus to our song?”
“Which one, at this point we have at least five,” I say. Joel sighs.
“You know which one… the first one,” he clarifies. I half smile and nod my head.
“You know the chorus…”
“Obviously, I wrote it… what about it?” I question.
“Why do I have to leave, the tears are freezing to my face in this cold December air… Where did that come from?”
Joel recites the first part of the chorus making me glance away from him. His voice suddenly sounds sad.
“I didn’t leave you in December,” he adds. “But… I know who did.”
I close my eyes and bite my lip… hard. Never in a million years did I expect Joely to bring this up. There’s a growing lump in my throat that I start fighting with to hold back. I sit up and scoot myself into the opposite corner of the couch.
“Don’t get sad. I don’t mean to make you cry. I just…” Joel sits up as well and places a hesitant hand on my shoulder. “I just want you to know that I’m gonna be there forever. I’m never going to leave you.”
Hearing his words just make the tears fall. All I can do is think about my father. Think about all the abuse and mental suffering I had to endure because of his absence. Before Joel, I was convinced that nobody would ever stick around in my life… that was until he came along and taught me what true love was. He and his mother opened their arms to me in a way entirely different from what I had been brought up believing. They gave me a real definition to the word family. But then Joel left me. Just like my father did. Disappeared without any finality, leaving me to suffer alone.
“C’mere,” Joel demands pulling me into his body. My head falls into his chest.
“I’m never going to leave you,” he repeats in a whisper, kissing the back of my head.
“I know,” I whimper against the material of his wife beater. I sniff loudly and keep reminding myself of the facts.
Joel came back. Joel didn’t totally abandon me. Joel took me back and I know this time that he’s never letting go. Because he needs me just as much as I need him. We balance out like the perfect equation. Ying and yang and salt and pepper and Benji and Joel. It just works.
I slowly manage to bring the tears to a stand point. I sniff again and lift my head up. “I love you,” Joel declares bringing a hand up to bring my face closer to his so he can move in for a quick peck. I manage a smile, my brain working on overload with all of these crazy emotions. The painful memories, but the immense feeling of love that surrounds me… surrounds us. There’s nothing like it.
“I love you too,” I tell him, our faces so close, our eyes locked.
Joel’s the first one to break the eye contact. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, moving away putting a little bit of space between us.
“There’s something else I want to ask you, you’re going to think I’m crazy…” he explains quickly, suddenly looking nervous.
“Joel, I already think your crazy, there’s nothing you can say that could surprise me,” I tell him trying to lighten the mood. What the fuck is he gonna ask?
“Screw it, let’s get married,” he says turning to me quickly.
Uh, what? “Huh?”
“Let’s have a fucking wedding! Before we go on tour… I want to marry you,” he confesses, looking me in the eyes. He takes one of my hands in his and pets it, looking down at it before continuing. I just stare at his face dumbfounded. “Of course it won’t be legal and won’t actually mean anything, but as long as it means something to us, that’s all that matters,” he continues, looking up at me hopefully.
“I know it’s crazy, but I’ve thought about it a lot. We can write our own vows and go pick out rings that have cute little inscriptions on them. I want to marry you, Benji. I want everyone to know that I’m yours and your mine forever. Because you’re it! You’re what’s mine and if I lose everything, I know you’ll still be there and that’s all that matters and you… yul-”
I kiss him. I kiss him hard and long until my lips are raw and we’re both naked on his couch with our clothes all scattered about the house having been thrown off at some point in time. After so long, Joel finally is able to get me off of him long enough to ask me.
“Does this mean yes?” His eyes are so bright and happy.
“What this means is, before you so rudely interrupted,” I speak slowly. “We’re about to have some, hot, steamy, passionate, premarital sex.”
Joel’s smile is so big, so happy, so… perfect. He’s going to be my husband. Never would I ever have seen this coming, but I couldn’t be anymore happy or excited. Joel is the only person on this earth I want to spend my life with.
And let me tell you the sex that follows, is nothing less then what would be expected from him. Whenever I’m with him, it’s like everything is flawless and… fucking perfect.
See. I have no clue where that came from, but it looks like Joel wants a wedding! Wouldn't shut up in my head when I was writing this. I hope you enjoy and please review. I'm worried about this one... Much Love! -Jess
Author: Meh Jess. x_tired_crazy_x
Summary: "I'm sorry Benji, I love you, but you're not mine anymore..." His scared face turns into a confused one. I move up to him and kiss his cheek. "I'm sorry, but we're over..." Joel may think it's over, but its not.
Dedication: To Rachel. Without her, I wouldn't exist.
Disclaimer: Not real, never happened. I'm making this up.
Notes: Thanks to everyone that reads this.. It means lots.
Add me and I'll get you back. I'm nice. A comment to let me know is also nice. Much Love!
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS HERE!
I honestly don't know how this happened. I had my final chapter in the works, but suddenly I opened a blank document and this just came pouring out. So to anyone that was hoping for a couple more chapters got your wish... I hope you enjoy! Read on:
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Hey, Benji?” Joel asks from his spot on the couch. He’s looking at his mural, which I can’t say I blame him, and eating cookie dough ice cream out of a carton.
“What’s up?” I ask him while entering the room officially instead of just leaning against the wall and staring at him. Sadly I find myself doing that all the time. I’ll stand there and watch him to stupid little domestic tasks. Like cook dinner, or put the clothes in the laundry, or brush his teeth. I just love watching him, he’s so cute and beautiful and… I’ll just stop here before I find myself unable to do so.
“You wanna come sit down?” he asks me, turning his body and resting his feet on the floor. He leans forward to put the empty ice cream carton on the coffee table. I furrow my brow as I walk forward.
“Is everything okay?” I question while taking the seat next to him. I steal a glance at Jerry Garcia, staring at me from the corner of the room, the crowd behind him in some kind of drugged out bliss.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Joel says while he grabs my hand and leans his body into my side. He rests his head on my shoulder sighs contently.
“You wanna know something?” he asks after a long moment of mildly awkward silence.
“Sure…” I reply, not meaning to sound so suspicious or scared, or whatever it is I’m feeling.
“I love you,” he admits in a profound matter. I let out a relieved rush of air from my lungs and do this half laugh thing. Joel’s looking at me in the eyes while I do this.
“What?” he says innocently in such an adorable matter I can’t help but lean my head down and place a sweet kiss on his temple.
“I do though!” he proclaims. “I love you so much, and I’m sitting here, staring at this mural and all I can think about it you. I keep thinking, I’m never gonna get rid of it,” he gestures to the mural without looking at it. “I’m never going to get rid of it and I never want to get rid of you,” he tells me. He gets up on the couch… on the giant fucking cushions. He gets on his knees so he’s facing my body. He takes both of my hands in his and starts trying to pull me to face him as well. I shake my head at him curiously while getting up on my knees as well.
“What is it?” I ask him.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he says and my breath hitches. “I want to see your face, everyday. When I wake up, before I go to bed. I want you to be my partner, my boyfriend, my bandmate, my best friend. I just…”
I don’t even have time to process all the words that come out so fluently from his lips. The way he talks is so beautiful, words just come to him in a way I’ll never understand. But before I know it, he’s kissing me hard with just about everything I think he’s got in him. And I kiss him back, the best I can, trying to mirror the intensity that’s radiating from him. He opens his mouth and depends the kiss and I take advantage of our position to gently ease him back on the couch. He flips his legs out from under himself so he can lie flat on his back. I lean over his body, still kissing his lips passionately. But something in me makes me pull back. Makes me wonder…
“Where did this come from?”
Now it’s Joel’s turn to furrow his brow.
“What do you mean?” he tilts his head.
“This whole realization of yours,” I start. “What made you want to tell me this… why now?”
“I…” Joel looks down between our bodies before he meets my eyes. “You know the chorus to our song?”
“Which one, at this point we have at least five,” I say. Joel sighs.
“You know which one… the first one,” he clarifies. I half smile and nod my head.
“You know the chorus…”
“Obviously, I wrote it… what about it?” I question.
“Why do I have to leave, the tears are freezing to my face in this cold December air… Where did that come from?”
Joel recites the first part of the chorus making me glance away from him. His voice suddenly sounds sad.
“I didn’t leave you in December,” he adds. “But… I know who did.”
I close my eyes and bite my lip… hard. Never in a million years did I expect Joely to bring this up. There’s a growing lump in my throat that I start fighting with to hold back. I sit up and scoot myself into the opposite corner of the couch.
“Don’t get sad. I don’t mean to make you cry. I just…” Joel sits up as well and places a hesitant hand on my shoulder. “I just want you to know that I’m gonna be there forever. I’m never going to leave you.”
Hearing his words just make the tears fall. All I can do is think about my father. Think about all the abuse and mental suffering I had to endure because of his absence. Before Joel, I was convinced that nobody would ever stick around in my life… that was until he came along and taught me what true love was. He and his mother opened their arms to me in a way entirely different from what I had been brought up believing. They gave me a real definition to the word family. But then Joel left me. Just like my father did. Disappeared without any finality, leaving me to suffer alone.
“C’mere,” Joel demands pulling me into his body. My head falls into his chest.
“I’m never going to leave you,” he repeats in a whisper, kissing the back of my head.
“I know,” I whimper against the material of his wife beater. I sniff loudly and keep reminding myself of the facts.
Joel came back. Joel didn’t totally abandon me. Joel took me back and I know this time that he’s never letting go. Because he needs me just as much as I need him. We balance out like the perfect equation. Ying and yang and salt and pepper and Benji and Joel. It just works.
I slowly manage to bring the tears to a stand point. I sniff again and lift my head up. “I love you,” Joel declares bringing a hand up to bring my face closer to his so he can move in for a quick peck. I manage a smile, my brain working on overload with all of these crazy emotions. The painful memories, but the immense feeling of love that surrounds me… surrounds us. There’s nothing like it.
“I love you too,” I tell him, our faces so close, our eyes locked.
Joel’s the first one to break the eye contact. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, moving away putting a little bit of space between us.
“There’s something else I want to ask you, you’re going to think I’m crazy…” he explains quickly, suddenly looking nervous.
“Joel, I already think your crazy, there’s nothing you can say that could surprise me,” I tell him trying to lighten the mood. What the fuck is he gonna ask?
“Screw it, let’s get married,” he says turning to me quickly.
Uh, what? “Huh?”
“Let’s have a fucking wedding! Before we go on tour… I want to marry you,” he confesses, looking me in the eyes. He takes one of my hands in his and pets it, looking down at it before continuing. I just stare at his face dumbfounded. “Of course it won’t be legal and won’t actually mean anything, but as long as it means something to us, that’s all that matters,” he continues, looking up at me hopefully.
“I know it’s crazy, but I’ve thought about it a lot. We can write our own vows and go pick out rings that have cute little inscriptions on them. I want to marry you, Benji. I want everyone to know that I’m yours and your mine forever. Because you’re it! You’re what’s mine and if I lose everything, I know you’ll still be there and that’s all that matters and you… yul-”
I kiss him. I kiss him hard and long until my lips are raw and we’re both naked on his couch with our clothes all scattered about the house having been thrown off at some point in time. After so long, Joel finally is able to get me off of him long enough to ask me.
“Does this mean yes?” His eyes are so bright and happy.
“What this means is, before you so rudely interrupted,” I speak slowly. “We’re about to have some, hot, steamy, passionate, premarital sex.”
Joel’s smile is so big, so happy, so… perfect. He’s going to be my husband. Never would I ever have seen this coming, but I couldn’t be anymore happy or excited. Joel is the only person on this earth I want to spend my life with.
And let me tell you the sex that follows, is nothing less then what would be expected from him. Whenever I’m with him, it’s like everything is flawless and… fucking perfect.
See. I have no clue where that came from, but it looks like Joel wants a wedding! Wouldn't shut up in my head when I was writing this. I hope you enjoy and please review. I'm worried about this one... Much Love! -Jess