sometimes you CANT make it on your own...
Im just sitting here in my room by myself because my Mom wouldn't let me stay the night at Cody's. I had to wait for Louis to leave & stuff, & clean.
Got my tickets a few minutes ago...
I just can't wait to get out of here for awhile.
If I could have went there for the whole Summer I would have in a second.
The only thing stopping me was my job.
And as much as I just want to quit, im not going too.
Im going to stick everything out and be tough, because that's what someone very special taught me.
If he taught me anything it was to be strong, & just keep somethings in.
Like right now, my parent's are deffenitley going through hard times again...& as much as I just want to yell and scream at them, im not. Im trying so hard to stay calm. And for awhile I was so dependant on him...& now he's not here for me so I gotta' go through it pretty much alone. Not that theirs no other people...No offence to anyone, seriously...he was just always someone that was easiest to talk too...Through our friendship, or relationship.
So it's hard on me now...Now that I don't have that. It is hard. But yeah, maybe it's just best. It might make me a stronger person...& show me what I really want. Right now I just have so many mixed emotions about everything. And I don't know who to talk to about them. I just want someone that seriously understands...That can relate to me like 100%, & just help me through shit. I think Tori is closest to everything im going through.
& it's not much.
I mean, my life isnt shit. And im not complaining about it. I have it pretty good compared to some people in life, & I am very very thankful for that. Im thankful for my friends, & my family, and my little bunny rabbit that I think is sick :-(...& everything else...My best friend that I still talk to, & see even though she is a million miles away...that I have known since I was 5. Im thankfull so much. & that's why I feel so guilty sometimes whining in this thing...But sometimes it makes me feel better. But I don't know.
Life is such an un-sure thing. It really is. You just have to trust the road ahead of you. But seriously, don't trust anything too much. I mean, it's good to put your trust into people and everything...But like Tori said...every person has it in them to Lie. Lying is just what people do. Think about how perfect the world would be if lying didnt exist.
So many people say, "we should hang out", "your my best friend"...then they go & talk shit. Or just totally ignore you...or just never even come and see you. Or never pick up their phone when you call...I mean what the fuck.
Im just having a lot on my mind right now. It's late. & I get like this at night when im alone, and im sure most of you that read this know that...Im weird. Im crazy. Im a control freak & I suck at life.
No fuck that.
I am weird, but that's what people love about me( i guess? )...Im deffenitley weird. Im crazy, because it's me...im just crazy...always have been always will be, love it or hate it. I dont give a fuck anymore. And yes, im gunna' be controlling, & be the way I am forever, so I don't even see why any of my X boyfriend's that broke up w/ me always try to be w/ me again. I don't understand. I mean, if you didn't like something about me before what are the chances that your gunna' like it now? And that goes for myself too. I have a tendancy to go back to my old boyfriends. You all also probably know that. Ask me why I do it...& I'll say I have no fucking idea. Really I dont. I have like, never once just stayed single and met guys, and talked to different people, & went on dates and shit. I've never done it. Maybe it's just not my style or something I don't know. But I shall try it one day...
Right now, all I wanna do is keep doing good in school so I can actually get somewhere in my life. And keep my job until I get to work at that other place. and be with my friends... & all the extra stuff comes later...just whatever for now I guess...
Dont expect me to be the same when I get back though.
Really......Dont.
Goodnight.
Got my tickets a few minutes ago...
I just can't wait to get out of here for awhile.
If I could have went there for the whole Summer I would have in a second.
The only thing stopping me was my job.
And as much as I just want to quit, im not going too.
Im going to stick everything out and be tough, because that's what someone very special taught me.
If he taught me anything it was to be strong, & just keep somethings in.
Like right now, my parent's are deffenitley going through hard times again...& as much as I just want to yell and scream at them, im not. Im trying so hard to stay calm. And for awhile I was so dependant on him...& now he's not here for me so I gotta' go through it pretty much alone. Not that theirs no other people...No offence to anyone, seriously...he was just always someone that was easiest to talk too...Through our friendship, or relationship.
So it's hard on me now...Now that I don't have that. It is hard. But yeah, maybe it's just best. It might make me a stronger person...& show me what I really want. Right now I just have so many mixed emotions about everything. And I don't know who to talk to about them. I just want someone that seriously understands...That can relate to me like 100%, & just help me through shit. I think Tori is closest to everything im going through.
& it's not much.
I mean, my life isnt shit. And im not complaining about it. I have it pretty good compared to some people in life, & I am very very thankful for that. Im thankful for my friends, & my family, and my little bunny rabbit that I think is sick :-(...& everything else...My best friend that I still talk to, & see even though she is a million miles away...that I have known since I was 5. Im thankfull so much. & that's why I feel so guilty sometimes whining in this thing...But sometimes it makes me feel better. But I don't know.
Life is such an un-sure thing. It really is. You just have to trust the road ahead of you. But seriously, don't trust anything too much. I mean, it's good to put your trust into people and everything...But like Tori said...every person has it in them to Lie. Lying is just what people do. Think about how perfect the world would be if lying didnt exist.
So many people say, "we should hang out", "your my best friend"...then they go & talk shit. Or just totally ignore you...or just never even come and see you. Or never pick up their phone when you call...I mean what the fuck.
Im just having a lot on my mind right now. It's late. & I get like this at night when im alone, and im sure most of you that read this know that...Im weird. Im crazy. Im a control freak & I suck at life.
No fuck that.
I am weird, but that's what people love about me( i guess? )...Im deffenitley weird. Im crazy, because it's me...im just crazy...always have been always will be, love it or hate it. I dont give a fuck anymore. And yes, im gunna' be controlling, & be the way I am forever, so I don't even see why any of my X boyfriend's that broke up w/ me always try to be w/ me again. I don't understand. I mean, if you didn't like something about me before what are the chances that your gunna' like it now? And that goes for myself too. I have a tendancy to go back to my old boyfriends. You all also probably know that. Ask me why I do it...& I'll say I have no fucking idea. Really I dont. I have like, never once just stayed single and met guys, and talked to different people, & went on dates and shit. I've never done it. Maybe it's just not my style or something I don't know. But I shall try it one day...
Right now, all I wanna do is keep doing good in school so I can actually get somewhere in my life. And keep my job until I get to work at that other place. and be with my friends... & all the extra stuff comes later...just whatever for now I guess...
Dont expect me to be the same when I get back though.
Really......Dont.
Goodnight.