pissed off at the moment..
this weekend was good. Watched the superbowl at Mandees, met Mike and Richard. They were cool I guess. It was alright. Yesterday had a rec game lost 17-11. Pissed me off. Then today we had a school game. A lot of the girls on the team said we played good, would have been nice if I went in more than twice. Friggin pissed me off to the limit. She put me in starting for 4 minutes and I got a sub. Then didnt go in the rest of the first. Didnt go in for the whole 8 minutes of the 2nd. Went in for 4 minutes in 3rd and got a sub and didnt play the second half of the third and didnt play at all in the fourth. So I was in twice for about 8 minutes total. It friggin pissed me off. I dont get what is so great about everyone else where they can stay in the whole f-in game and i sit on the side for 3/4 of it. I dont see why i wasnt put in any more than I was, I wasnt doing anything wrong.. I fouled a few but only when I was suppossed to, I was rolling around like Im suppossed to. So many girls plowed into me and I took it, I didnt do anything to deserve sitting on the side. Im so freakin pissed. If we didnt have one game left, then Id probably quit this team. Its unfair. We're all 8th graders, we all know the same things, we should all play an equal amount of time. Im soo ticked off. Well, anyway, after the game I was really upset and was about to cry but held it in. It was our last home game, everyone was there, and I barely played.. maybe I look better sitting on the bench than playing on the court. So then the coach caught up and asked what was wrong, cus she knew there was something. I just told her I was upset that we didnt win, which isnt true. I didnt want to tell her that I was mad at her.. im not that rude. Then I ended up crying right in front of her, I felt like such a baby. I f-in hated it. I ended up crying in the locker room. Its just crazy. My stomach was hurting, I was mad about the game.. I just wasnt in good shape or something. Im really having a bad night and whenever I talk about the game I end up crying. Its so f-in unfair I hate it. Now I have to try to suck it up and be ready in an hour for rec practice which I dont even want to go to. I hate this. If we werent so far into it and if I had any less confidence I'd quit, but I dont want to be a quitter. This f-in sucks. Now on Friday they are gonna play like 4 or 5 JV players in our game! I dunno if I even want to go. Then I'll be playing less that I already am, although its barely possible. If she'd just give me a chance, jesus. If she'd keep me out there for a little bit, I can be aggressive, I can shoot baskets, but I have to be somewhere other than on the friggin bench to do that. I wasnt out there for ten minutes.. the game was an hour long and I didnt even play for ten minutes!!! UGGGH! My god Im pissed. F-it.. no point in doing anything now.. its over. Soon enough basketball will all be over. Its a f-in shame I barely got to play.