loads on my mind..
.. im not sure many people will understand. but itll be better to get it off my chest i think.
i dont like certain aspects about me. i want to change so much about myself. most of this is stuff i can change if i tried hard enough. so im "turning over a new leaf" i guess you could say.. i just want to be a better person than i am. because i am capable of being so much better than i have been..
you deserve so much more than what youre doing to yourself. i know that you are better than that you know it too. you could be so much. i hope someone gets to you. cause evidently i cant
theres one thing ive been thinkin about a lot lately. where i stand. ive watched a lot of things fail, and im not gonna let this one fail too. it really did me good. its just a matter of going back. something im not to fond of.
i feel like that girl on mean girls the one that they say "thats why her hairs so big, its full of secrets." i do keep peoples secrets but i was thinkin of that on more of a me basis. i havent confided in anyone for a while now. its kinda a win lose situation. its not good to keep things bottled inside, but the less you share the less chances you have of gettin hurt.
i feel like im growing up too fast like always. was it just yesterday we were freshmen? and now blink and were rising juniors. two more years of high school. the supposively most memorable times of your life. and they are i know i wont forget it.
im scared about my future. i dont know what i want to do with my life. and that scares me. i hate uncertainty.
i watched titanic this week with my new "little sister" we cried together. she did my hair, heres a picture just because shes so sweet (by the way this is sarah burrell a girl i babysit)
love the hair, dont you?
random titanic quote that made me think
"I’ve got everything I need right here with me; I’ve got air in my lungs and a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what’s gonna happen, who I’m gonna meet, where I’m gonna wind up......I figure life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You never know what hand you’re going to get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you"
i miss having someone there.
its up to me where i go from here.
no more letting other people influence my decisions.