(no subject)
Today I was more scarred than I have been in the past 4 years or so. Something terrible happened earlier which caused me to literally flee the scene. I then proceeded to sob for a good 4 hours or so: while walk/running away, in a car, at fast food place, in the dorm room... at some points even in the direct view of complete strangers which is something I absolutely hate. After this, a very freaked out me had to re explain what had happened a good 4 or so times and have 10 more people find out something about me that I'd really perfer to hide. Even though everyone was so incredibly supportive I don't think I have ever felt so low.
Then this happens- I find out my checking account is at a negative 22 dollars and my last two checks bounced.
After what happened earlier today I should probably not even care about money. But I do *slash*and*or* did. And for a good 30 seconds I was furious with myself. Where am I supposed to get 200 dollars?? I thought I already had that money! Why would Miss Gina wait over a month and a half to cash my dance class tuition checks?! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW?! I CAN'T AFFORD THIS! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
Well you know what I am going to do? I am going to fix this.
If I was at my absolute lowest in a long long while earlier today than that means the only place I can go is up, right? Exactly.
I'm going to take out my 1000 dollar CD from the bank - even if I will get a penalty for an early withdrawal- and I'll put a good 500 dollars in my checking account. Then I'm going to take out whatever is left over and put all that toward my way-too-high credit card bills. I was supposed to save this money for sometime in the distant future when I'll really need it, but you know what? I need it now.
As for the other stuff... we'll see what happens with that. Everyone who has found out about the things that happened today all have said the same thing- that it's not my fault, and I know that... But I don't want to dwell on things and feel bad for myself. Doing that for half a day is enough for me. I am going to fix things. I am going to stay calm and pleasant just like as if I was dealing with a difficult Market Basket customer and I am going to make things better at home. And I am going to do this by being as fake sweet as possible. Because who can fight with a sugar covered chocolate cup cake of joy that is actually made of splenda? No one. That's who.
Things are going to get better. I am forcing them to.