Sep 11, 2004 13:22
wow so i do not know what the fuck is going on. i keep haveing these crazy dreams about jon. and i used to have dreams about him every few weeks but now im haveing them like every night. like three people i know are telling me that hes trying to tell me something through my dream. i had a dream that he told me he was in pergatory? why would he tell me that? hes in heaven no doubt about it. he wasnt a bad person, he dosent need to be judged. i just dont understand. then i had a dream that i was like at his house, and i kept like hugging him and kissing him on the cheek..not in that way guys...and i told him that i wasnt gunna let go because i didnt want him to leave me again. weird shit. then ive had a few others about like him telling me hes not dead and im the only one who knows..and yah crazy stuff. but its really takein a toll on me. for a couple months there i thought i was gunna be okay. but now everythings..meh. i was crying almost all day yesterday. i had to go over to the medical center so it just so happens after i have that dream about him, i wake up, drive over to his side of town, drove on that main road where his house is, past the place where the viewing was, past the place where his funeral was, went back the hospital i was at almost every other day for rose, even tho she has no idea who i am. ugh everythings just fucked up. i miss him so fucking much. it hurts so bad. a pain ive never had to expierence before. like deep down, inside of my heart. i get choked up and i cant breath. and i start crying uncontrollably. and at times i know im still heartbroken...but i think im just so mad now. im so fucking mad that god would do something like this to us. and to HIM. yes most of you people believe that its wonderful when you die cause ull be happy with god and ur creater and blah blah. i believe that too. but i believe you can only truely be happy to leave, when your ready, and iknow jon wasnt. he had so much more to live for. i just cant stress the fact enough about how mad i am. i just wish it would have never happened. everyones lives would be a little more brighter if he was here. so much shit has gone down since he left that he could have helped so many of us with. i know with me he could have. i mean, he would be goin to the white rabbitt with us to see worlds of if play, he would be goin to concerts with us. he would be just hanging out when all of us are goin somewhere. me and him made a plan for when i started driving id always come get him. and then we he started driving then hed come pick me up allll the time until i wanted to drive him around again lol.since he lived so far. he was such a beautiful person, i just dont see why god would want to take something so beautiful away from this earth. we need more people like him around.
god broke our heart, just to prove he only takes the best
i love you jon luke brooks. i miss you. i will miss you until the day i get to see you once again, and it may sound bad, but honestly i cant wait. bestfriends, forever.
k guys. had to get that out there. i feel better now. lmao im a loser. <3