What's going on in YOUR head?
I like reading other people's thoughts.
Maybe a bit personal, yet rather insightful. Obviously.
And it also helps solidify decisions.
Good going, my feelings run deep.
Anyway, I've been trying to focus on my writing a lot more. It sort of helps that I'm in a weird state of emotions as it is, it just comes out in a creative sort of flow that I'm starting to become fond of. It's excellent and exhilarating but at the same time it's hard to cope with such an immense feeling that seems rooted deep in my chest. Inspiring and decadent. It's like the tortured artist feeling that I could only really DREAM of having as an encouragement to my art. I'm sure there is some pain that runs deeper but frankly I'm happy with my own brand of creative juice.
I really hate that it's so hard to talk to people. I wonder if it's because I "build a wall" or just keep people out. I find it so easy to connect to others who are dealing with pain and yet when it's me bearing a burden I can't reach out and ask for help; I can't connect and find solace in another. Yet for the first time when I was crying or in desperate need of someone to talk to I actually called Amanda. Awhile back. It was probably not the most opportune moment to be crying and on the phone; I was driving about 60 down my street. No it's not because I was emotional, I actually drive like that often. It helped. She talked me down and I felt ten times better.
Maybe I should try that more often.
Anyway, on the subject of suckage, I just recently came to the realization that I am not really free. Oh sure I knew that before but never in the same light as I have now. Nothing is the way I saw it when I was younger. I mean, I CAN'T be anything I want to be anymore. If I want to work and make a living and SURVIVE I need to go to school and get a degree and become a "professional" in a field of some type. But what if I just want to be a simple person, with a simple living. For example, a bus driver. This may not be the best example but it's an example. If I want to do something I love (drive) and something else I love (talk to people) as a bus driver, it's near impossible. The buses aren't hiring- in fact, they're laying people off, and it's the same way with a lot of companies everywhere. You can't WORK where there is no MONEY. Money is like the cuffs of society, binding you to a certain way of life that is necessary to survival. I think that the American Dream is dead, and that we killed it.
My heart is pounding in my chest sounding the drums of anxiety.
It might have been those Monsters though.
Maybe a bit personal, yet rather insightful. Obviously.
And it also helps solidify decisions.
Good going, my feelings run deep.
Anyway, I've been trying to focus on my writing a lot more. It sort of helps that I'm in a weird state of emotions as it is, it just comes out in a creative sort of flow that I'm starting to become fond of. It's excellent and exhilarating but at the same time it's hard to cope with such an immense feeling that seems rooted deep in my chest. Inspiring and decadent. It's like the tortured artist feeling that I could only really DREAM of having as an encouragement to my art. I'm sure there is some pain that runs deeper but frankly I'm happy with my own brand of creative juice.
I really hate that it's so hard to talk to people. I wonder if it's because I "build a wall" or just keep people out. I find it so easy to connect to others who are dealing with pain and yet when it's me bearing a burden I can't reach out and ask for help; I can't connect and find solace in another. Yet for the first time when I was crying or in desperate need of someone to talk to I actually called Amanda. Awhile back. It was probably not the most opportune moment to be crying and on the phone; I was driving about 60 down my street. No it's not because I was emotional, I actually drive like that often. It helped. She talked me down and I felt ten times better.
Maybe I should try that more often.
Anyway, on the subject of suckage, I just recently came to the realization that I am not really free. Oh sure I knew that before but never in the same light as I have now. Nothing is the way I saw it when I was younger. I mean, I CAN'T be anything I want to be anymore. If I want to work and make a living and SURVIVE I need to go to school and get a degree and become a "professional" in a field of some type. But what if I just want to be a simple person, with a simple living. For example, a bus driver. This may not be the best example but it's an example. If I want to do something I love (drive) and something else I love (talk to people) as a bus driver, it's near impossible. The buses aren't hiring- in fact, they're laying people off, and it's the same way with a lot of companies everywhere. You can't WORK where there is no MONEY. Money is like the cuffs of society, binding you to a certain way of life that is necessary to survival. I think that the American Dream is dead, and that we killed it.
My heart is pounding in my chest sounding the drums of anxiety.
It might have been those Monsters though.