(no subject)
so i hate him .. lets start off with that.. shall we?
i woke up this morning.. with kinda of a shakey'ness to me.. that something wasnt right.. then i realized what happend that night.. and it all made scense.. why i didnt sleep at all.. why i tossed and turned.. why i got up and cryed.. but as the day went on.. i realized that its not worth it honestly its not.. i really cant explane it.. its hard when u love someone.. really it is.. but i know that all the things he did to me.. and all the lies.. and broken promises.. and the sluts he's been with.. and the girls he talks too.. its like he never ever felt like he was taken.. he was always welcoming girls with open arms.. never once thought about me.. i read this girls journal.. she lives in mtl.. i dont know her.. i want to know her.. it seems like josh and her have been talkin for a while.. her profile says "Josh u have no idea how big of an impact u had on my life, i wish u could be mine" why would he do that.. talk to another girl.. and make them feel beautiful and special when a girl that he clames to love is sitting on the other end.. crying.. he dosnt understnad.. but i refuse to be treated like this ne more.. he said last nite he hated me.. and it was over.. and he didnt want to see me.. how i needed help and i was crazy.. and im annoying.. and he cant stand me.. and he dosnt wanna see me when i come.. i kno why he dosnt wanna see me.. its bc of this new girl. its because of other girls.. its oka tho.. really.. it is.. bc today opened my eyes to alot of things.. i really never realized how many awesome "guy friends" and there soo great.. like joey.. and rayray.. and coult.. and chris.. and joe.. and everyone.. its good and conforting to know that im not such a fucken retard and other guys like me and are there for me.. there awesome friends.. im letting go.. honeslty i am.. ive said it b4.. but i blocked josh.. and i kno he blocked me.. i deleated him from my phone book.. took the pictures i had of us and put them in a box and stuffed them in the back of my dads closet.. i took the bag.. of everything.. the first ice cream top from the first ice cream he bought me.. straws.. lighters.. bags from when we went shopping.. gum.. letters.. everything.. and shoved it under my bed.. his teddy bear.. i put in my closet.. so i cant smell it ne more.. im def on the road to recovery.. but yet i still want to see him.. i gues i just wanna have my lassstttt time with him.. just ya know to say good bye.. i love you have a great life.. i need closure.. i really hope he changes his mind.. i think it will b good if i saw him.. i kno i wont fall in love as deep again.. and of course ill always love him.. i just need to see him and say my final goodbye.. and know its over forever... i hope he reads this.. bc he just wont listen to me.. he thinks im crazy.. im not.. im really not.. because if he didnt do what he does.. like talk to this girl.. and cheat and be shady then i wouldent bring up stupid things.. and ive felt so neglected by him.. he never says ne thing to make me smile ne more.. never pays attention.. never does ne thing.. it use to be so perfect... but things change.. and thats all right.. i just need to say goodbye.. can u understand that??
i talked to katelyn from yorktown today.. god i love that girl she has the cuttest voice.. shes havin boy probs too.. its nice to talk to someone and share my feelings with them.. Just like its amazing to talk to coll.. god i miss her.. if i dont hang out with "MY BABY" then its me and colleen! yaya / boo boo
well i hope tonite if we talk.. it dosnt get too bad.. i hope i dont get upset.. i really dont think i will.. im not very emotional right now just i am def excepting the fact that its over.. and im really mad at him.. yet i still wanna see him.. whats wrong with me?? and whats wrong with u?? why dont u wanna see me?? just to look me in the eyes and know ull never forget me? and say goodbye knowing u have a friend for life in ur heart! whats wrong with that huh?
i woke up this morning.. with kinda of a shakey'ness to me.. that something wasnt right.. then i realized what happend that night.. and it all made scense.. why i didnt sleep at all.. why i tossed and turned.. why i got up and cryed.. but as the day went on.. i realized that its not worth it honestly its not.. i really cant explane it.. its hard when u love someone.. really it is.. but i know that all the things he did to me.. and all the lies.. and broken promises.. and the sluts he's been with.. and the girls he talks too.. its like he never ever felt like he was taken.. he was always welcoming girls with open arms.. never once thought about me.. i read this girls journal.. she lives in mtl.. i dont know her.. i want to know her.. it seems like josh and her have been talkin for a while.. her profile says "Josh u have no idea how big of an impact u had on my life, i wish u could be mine" why would he do that.. talk to another girl.. and make them feel beautiful and special when a girl that he clames to love is sitting on the other end.. crying.. he dosnt understnad.. but i refuse to be treated like this ne more.. he said last nite he hated me.. and it was over.. and he didnt want to see me.. how i needed help and i was crazy.. and im annoying.. and he cant stand me.. and he dosnt wanna see me when i come.. i kno why he dosnt wanna see me.. its bc of this new girl. its because of other girls.. its oka tho.. really.. it is.. bc today opened my eyes to alot of things.. i really never realized how many awesome "guy friends" and there soo great.. like joey.. and rayray.. and coult.. and chris.. and joe.. and everyone.. its good and conforting to know that im not such a fucken retard and other guys like me and are there for me.. there awesome friends.. im letting go.. honeslty i am.. ive said it b4.. but i blocked josh.. and i kno he blocked me.. i deleated him from my phone book.. took the pictures i had of us and put them in a box and stuffed them in the back of my dads closet.. i took the bag.. of everything.. the first ice cream top from the first ice cream he bought me.. straws.. lighters.. bags from when we went shopping.. gum.. letters.. everything.. and shoved it under my bed.. his teddy bear.. i put in my closet.. so i cant smell it ne more.. im def on the road to recovery.. but yet i still want to see him.. i gues i just wanna have my lassstttt time with him.. just ya know to say good bye.. i love you have a great life.. i need closure.. i really hope he changes his mind.. i think it will b good if i saw him.. i kno i wont fall in love as deep again.. and of course ill always love him.. i just need to see him and say my final goodbye.. and know its over forever... i hope he reads this.. bc he just wont listen to me.. he thinks im crazy.. im not.. im really not.. because if he didnt do what he does.. like talk to this girl.. and cheat and be shady then i wouldent bring up stupid things.. and ive felt so neglected by him.. he never says ne thing to make me smile ne more.. never pays attention.. never does ne thing.. it use to be so perfect... but things change.. and thats all right.. i just need to say goodbye.. can u understand that??
i talked to katelyn from yorktown today.. god i love that girl she has the cuttest voice.. shes havin boy probs too.. its nice to talk to someone and share my feelings with them.. Just like its amazing to talk to coll.. god i miss her.. if i dont hang out with "MY BABY" then its me and colleen! yaya / boo boo
well i hope tonite if we talk.. it dosnt get too bad.. i hope i dont get upset.. i really dont think i will.. im not very emotional right now just i am def excepting the fact that its over.. and im really mad at him.. yet i still wanna see him.. whats wrong with me?? and whats wrong with u?? why dont u wanna see me?? just to look me in the eyes and know ull never forget me? and say goodbye knowing u have a friend for life in ur heart! whats wrong with that huh?