another worthless entry
ok, so i was thinking...and i dont want any sympathy but i realized how much i dont like my life. For the past two years i have been completely fake. I have never actually been happy, i might have said i was but i really havent been, i just wanted people around me to be happy. And when i was thinking, i also came to realize, i dont have many friends, well i have a good amount of friends, but im only close to like four of them. and even to them i have been fake. When they are depressed or sumthing i always try to make them feel better, but it never really works because how am i supposed to make someone happy, when im not even happy? i dont really know what its like to actually be happy or excited about anything, like sometimes i will really be in a good mood, but thats rare, sumthing will ruin it somehow if i was in a good mood
I think some of this has to do with my home life. I'm constanly yelled at and i really try to actually do things right. But when i try to hard, i do things wrong and thats when everything goes bad. Sometimes i just want to put myself up for adoption. And i think some of this has to go towards not having a boyfriend either. I mean, how am i supposed to feel good about myself, when all the guys i do like, dont like me. That really makes me feel that im not good for any guy. i know i have said this in the past, but this time i really really mean it. I've tried so long to be myself, but it never works, the guys i like always like someone else, or they will decided to go out with someone prettier than me, skinnier than me, smarter than me, funnier than me, sweeter than me. and i know im not any of those things...
im not pretty
im not that skinny
im not smart
im not sweet...
now i know why no guy likes me...sometimes i wonder why im even still around. i sometimes ask my self, why was i even born, im a waste of space, time, air, im a waste of everything. i dont even know anymore
i know for a fact my life would be better if:
i stopped getting yelled at constantly,
i actually got a boyfriend who likes ME for ME
ooh and i wish guys would stop basing who they go out with on looks. that really gets to me, it really shouldnt matter what a person looks like.
leave a post if u want..
<333
I think some of this has to do with my home life. I'm constanly yelled at and i really try to actually do things right. But when i try to hard, i do things wrong and thats when everything goes bad. Sometimes i just want to put myself up for adoption. And i think some of this has to go towards not having a boyfriend either. I mean, how am i supposed to feel good about myself, when all the guys i do like, dont like me. That really makes me feel that im not good for any guy. i know i have said this in the past, but this time i really really mean it. I've tried so long to be myself, but it never works, the guys i like always like someone else, or they will decided to go out with someone prettier than me, skinnier than me, smarter than me, funnier than me, sweeter than me. and i know im not any of those things...
im not pretty
im not that skinny
im not smart
im not sweet...
now i know why no guy likes me...sometimes i wonder why im even still around. i sometimes ask my self, why was i even born, im a waste of space, time, air, im a waste of everything. i dont even know anymore
i know for a fact my life would be better if:
i stopped getting yelled at constantly,
i actually got a boyfriend who likes ME for ME
ooh and i wish guys would stop basing who they go out with on looks. that really gets to me, it really shouldnt matter what a person looks like.
leave a post if u want..
<333