update about a phone call

[x0_dncjsb_0x]

ok, as some of you know I recieved a phone call at like 7:30. That phone call was from a close friend, I'm not going to say who because I don't want to single any person out! But I am going to update about my feeling and thoughts about it. I honestly can't say I have cried this much in a long time! This KILLS ME! ok I'm going to start off by explaining what the phone call was about... this friend called me, in tears, I automatically asked what was wrong. they told me that they were lost and that they had really bad feelings that they couldn't make go away, this person told me that they were going through a lot of things, and they had thoughts of sucide, and that I was the only person that they wanted to talk to about it, because they felt that I would be the only person to understand how they felt... well I'm telling you right now that I do know how you feel, I have been there... some of you know why... if some don't I will explain,on July 26th of 2004, my father delebartly set my house on fire... I luckly wasn't home, I was at a friends house, I didn't know what was going on until my mom came to get me and I could tell by the look on her face that something was deffinatly wrong, she took me upstairs and she explained what happened, I couldn't believe it! I was histarical, I couldn't stop crying. After that day, I couldn't be around my father for a while, because of a protective order that my mom placed on him, honestly for a while I was terrified to be around him. =( well that wasn't the end of it. After a while, I began to trust my dad a little more, so I started going around him, not long after he and my mom got joint cusidy(sp). I was at his house every other weekend. Honestly, all the going back and forth was driving me crazy, and my former ex wasn't making this any better. =( well I rememeber one day that my dad wouldn't answer his phone, so I got worried, and me, my ex, my mom, and my dad's sister went down to his apartment to check on him. well, I'm not going to say what happened, but I was so upseted by his actions to his problems! It killed me becuase he had just recently been saved and baptized at a church that I had been to for a LONG TIME!! but... anyway...in febuary 2005, I received a Valentine's gift from my dad... some flowers in a really cute vase, i still have that vase! well not long after that in the same month my dad came to my house and brought me the birthday gift that I had been asking for, a guitar, I knew something was up! My Birthday is in APRIL... so the gift was 2 months early... it was also the weekend that I was suppose to be at his house, but he told me that he had things to do, and he needed me to stay home, next thing I knew I looked over and my dad was crying, he just looked at me and said "baby girl I love you never forget that" =( he made me listen to a song, some of you know it some don't... its Nobody Knows It But Me-Kevin Sharp... by the early birthday present and that song, I should have called someone, I should have went down there but I DIDNT! =( well come to find out the next morning, I got a phone call saying that my dad was in the hospital, well me and my mom raced to the hospital, when we got there he was unconcious, his brother found him in his apartment passed out with a blow to his head. =( so he imediatly called 911! well test results showed that he had no brain activity, NONE! not long after I went outside the hospital to smoke with my brother, and my dad's sister came outside crying histarically and all she could get out is "des he's gone" I was so hurt, I didn't know what to say, I didn't understand! on Feb 20th my dad was pronounced dead! It honestly felt as if my whole world came crashing down, I began to smoke more heavily, I began to drink, I began to have thoughts of sucide!! I thought that death was the only thing to cure the pain that I was going through! But I am here to tell you that I was wrong! Nothing was worth the mental and physical pain I was putting myself through NOTHING! Not long after I got on fire with God! Because I realized that my life needed to be dramatically changed, my father's death, and the things that my ex did to me was taking a huge empact on me.... I got saved! Let me tell you something it felt as if a HUGE weight had been lifted off of my shoulders! TO THIS FRIEND I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING!! I HAVE BEEN THERE, AND I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL PAIN YOU ARE PUTTING YOURSELF THROUGH IS NOT WORTH IT!! YOU NEED TO GO TO CHURCH, I WILL EVEN TELL YOU THE CHURCH I WENT TO, THEY HAVE A WONDERFUL YOUTH, ITS FREEDOM OF WORSHIP IN NORTON.... let me tell you they welcomed me in that church with open arms! the people in that church are WONDERFUL, and I love each and everyone one of them with all of my heart, without that church I would probably still be up to my old ways, and with the same jerk that I use to be with... but look at me now!! I have the most amazing boyfriend I love him more than anything!! I don't smoke anymore!! I have no thoughts of sucide!! Yes life has its ups and downs but PRAYER is what pulls me through all the things I go through each and every day! DO ME THIS ONE FAVOR IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE, GO TO CHURCH!! you know I am always here for you, you said you were afraid to call and talk to me about this, DON'T YOU EVER BE AFRAID TO CALL ME DAY OR NIGHT!! I REALLY WISH YOU WOULD HAVE CALLED ME SOONER!! I ALSO WANT YOU TO READ THESE LYRICS!! THIS SONG IS VERY INSPERATIONAL! you said you felt as if your life isnt worth it!! READ THESE LYRICS!

ITS GONNA BE WORTH IT ALL-RITA SPRINGER
I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this

Look IT IS WORTH IT! What isn't worth it, is the pain that you are putting yourself through!! DONT YOU EVER BE AFRAID TO CALL ME!! I AM HERE FOR YOU!!! DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT!!

to my lj buddy's Leave some comments for this friend, if you feel as if you should say a few words then please do!! It would be deeply appriciated... ANNONYMOUS IS ON FOR THIS UPDATE IF YOU DONT WANT YOUR NAME EXPOSED!!!

thanks love yall
Desirea**

I love you Seth