(no subject)
I feel as though the only reason you keep coming back is because I started to finally give up. It's taken you three years, threeee long ass years to finally realize what i meant to you and i'm sorry. i'm sorry it took you so long to realize that what you had, what you lost, was something you'll never find again, that no one has ever or will ever love you as much as i did and i mean it. For three years i fought for our relationship, for you, for us and for three years you pushed it all away. You made every excuse for why it couldn't and wouldn't work. "I'm just too young right now, i don't know what i want'' "i'm going into the airforce and i dont want to start something because i'm just gunna leave again", "we're better off as friends'', "i'm in love with irma'', you always had some way out, cause now as i realize it, it wasn't what you wanted. it never was. and i get that it never will be. You don't treat someone you love the way you treated me. You wen't behind my back and lied about it to my face. Like i dont know which one is worse. But it doesn't matter, cause i fell for it, each time. like i thought you had more respect for me than to hurt me the way you did after everything i did for you. I loved you with everything inside me. When i told you i love you, i meant it. There was never a time i didn't. I always thought it was gunna me and you against the world. Like when you told me forever, i was done. I didn't need anyone else because i had you, you were enough for me. At age 17, i was done with all the boy drama because i had found someone worth fighting for. I was ready for forever with you. I even thought about marriage because that what you wanted, and you know me, the thought of marriage scared the shit outta me, and kids, you want them and i dont, and i was willing to give you that one day because i believed that we would make it. that at the end of the day, no mattter what, it would be me and you. I knew what i wanted at such a young age because i forced myself to grow up, and then their you were doubting everything we dreamed about because you weren't ready to committ? its been three years, three years that i had to grow up without you, and now all the sudden you're ready? you're not ready. you never were and never will be. Its sickening to think of how many times i stood by you and for you to not even realize what you had. when you moved, i was your rock. i stood by you when your whole world turned upside down. and then their you go, getting a new girlfriend.