(no subject)
I feel as if sometimes I want to create a blog. Let all my inner demons out, let people in, judge me, try to find a right and a reason behind what goes on in my life. And for about a good minute, i feel as if its a really good a idea, like maybe i'd find more peace with myself by letting shit out, but then i snap back to reality and laugh. Ha, siiiikeeeeee. So for now, i'll give an earful to livejournal, cause lets get real, no one goes on this shit anymore and i'd waste to many damn trees if i started a diary.
I feel like screaming. I want to cry but its as if my tear ducts are in a drought. I feel rage, and hurt and it seems like no one understands my pain. I guess i'm really good at hiding my fustration and hurt, or maybe no one pays any attention to me. Regardless, i feel as if walls are coming in and i'm about to sufficate. For awhile, i thought i had it together, like i was almost at ease with it, like i finally was at the clarity point and i just didn't care. I guess it was easy because you weren't talking to me. I've realized i get over shit quicker when im not constantly reminded. Outta sight, outta mind, right? But i thought i was stronger than that, but once again i find myself thinking about the future and how my life would be without you in my life but i stop myself. I stop myself because i scare myself. Like either way, its going to be hard. You were once everything i needed to survive. When i met you, it was like i was drowning and you were a fresh of breath air. You saved me, in every way i needed to be saved. We fit so perfectly it was almost unreal. But as good as it was good, when it was bad it was worse. You did the one thing I never thought you'd do. I never knew you had it in you to stoop so low. Like i mean, sure shes great, but, you promised forever with me. We planned out our future, our goals and shared our deepest secrets. And within that time span you were away from me, you just couldn't hold out, couldyuh? So now, you planned out your life with her, shared secrets and promised forever. I mean, i look at you and you're not even the same person i once knew, you're below that.
But thats all the past. Now after i felt like i had it all together, you call me and now my hearts breaking again because i know this time isn't any different. Shes with another boy, and you can't stand to be alone. But as much as i love you, i hate you. I can't do this anymore, and i shouldn't have to. You're everything to me, but its time i move on. I need better for myself, i need to find that love we once had, you know where you promised me as long as you were living. Maybe i'll find that, and feel that love that you once gave me. But from now on, i won't be getting it from you. So stop calling and texting please. I'm letting you go.
You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only option.
I feel like screaming. I want to cry but its as if my tear ducts are in a drought. I feel rage, and hurt and it seems like no one understands my pain. I guess i'm really good at hiding my fustration and hurt, or maybe no one pays any attention to me. Regardless, i feel as if walls are coming in and i'm about to sufficate. For awhile, i thought i had it together, like i was almost at ease with it, like i finally was at the clarity point and i just didn't care. I guess it was easy because you weren't talking to me. I've realized i get over shit quicker when im not constantly reminded. Outta sight, outta mind, right? But i thought i was stronger than that, but once again i find myself thinking about the future and how my life would be without you in my life but i stop myself. I stop myself because i scare myself. Like either way, its going to be hard. You were once everything i needed to survive. When i met you, it was like i was drowning and you were a fresh of breath air. You saved me, in every way i needed to be saved. We fit so perfectly it was almost unreal. But as good as it was good, when it was bad it was worse. You did the one thing I never thought you'd do. I never knew you had it in you to stoop so low. Like i mean, sure shes great, but, you promised forever with me. We planned out our future, our goals and shared our deepest secrets. And within that time span you were away from me, you just couldn't hold out, couldyuh? So now, you planned out your life with her, shared secrets and promised forever. I mean, i look at you and you're not even the same person i once knew, you're below that.
But thats all the past. Now after i felt like i had it all together, you call me and now my hearts breaking again because i know this time isn't any different. Shes with another boy, and you can't stand to be alone. But as much as i love you, i hate you. I can't do this anymore, and i shouldn't have to. You're everything to me, but its time i move on. I need better for myself, i need to find that love we once had, you know where you promised me as long as you were living. Maybe i'll find that, and feel that love that you once gave me. But from now on, i won't be getting it from you. So stop calling and texting please. I'm letting you go.
You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only option.