(no subject)
dont laugh, but i cried on the phone lastnight. with kayla. she cried too. i was crying because she was being a total bitch to me. she told me dustin only felt sorry for me and didnt like me. she called me anything, and everything. you name it, she most likely said it. i dont know, it hurts. then she started crying, and told me i didnt know what it felt like to be gay, nor to walk around and people look at you and you hear them whisper is that a girl or guy? and shes right, i havent. what hurt me most, was telling kayla i never wanted to be with her again, and that i thought it was best that, we blocked eachother. it hurt me to say it, even though she had hurt me so bad. she cried more, and told me other things...that i surely did not know, that i wont mention, because i dont want her to find this, then think that i told everyone, something very personal. i wanted to cry for her. well...i did. but dont tell her i was crying for her. i dont want her to think i feel bad for her. maybe it was a lie though, she does lie alot. but i dont think she'd know about that, unless it was real. i told her she didnt know what it was like, to have her mom hit her, and wonder if mom was gonna sell enough to get us by this week. and she doesnt. shes blessed. im blessed also, things could be alot worse, and no i dont feel bad for myself, its just the way it is, the way im accustomed to....but it really hurt when she told me dustin didnt love me, because...what if he doesnt? and he does just feel bad for me? because im nothing. im not worth his love. gahh, imma go.