(no subject)
so my last journal was all about hope for something new. I was shut down tonight. You know how friends are always suppose to be there for you. I lost two friends tonight well maybe three. That other night soemthing happened to me that I was not happy about, I didn't want it to happen, but it did. Tonight was suppose to great, I was suppose to be happy, warm, and in someone else's bed besides mine. Instead however a so- called friend jumped right into my space instead. In the past I screwed around with something that was hers ( I should have told her then, but I was scared). I feel awful, but when I did do that what was up was at least over, but tonight what could have started or just have ended, didn't becasue of her. ( Myabe it's all Karma) I'm Crushed beyond belief. All of this strong exterier that you know is gone. I'm so fragile at this point and little girl could point and laugh at me and I would break down in tears. Tomarrow is Christmas eve, I don't feel a bit like celebrating. This is time of love, family, and friends. At least I have my family. My mother will ask me tomarrow morning or well, actually in just a few hours, "why are you here?". I will have to relay the intire story to her. She will tell me how much boys suck and that they are all like my father. I'm done getting heart broken, I know it's dumb me and this boy were just kind of starting things out again. To think he wanted me to stay in this freezing hell whole longer ( like that will happen). To top it all off my other so-called best friend is a bitch who doesn't seem to believe a thing I say and just uses me to get what she wants. I'm finnished with this alaska land. I can't wait to go back HOME.