I wait in the dark, until someone sets me free...
I read my friends' LJ posts and I realize, less seems to happen in my life than in others. I feel stuck in a loop, not progressing in my examination of self, not exploring further in personal relationships. Stuck.
I have no great drama, even when the world seems to press down and overwhelm it is quietly, and uneventfully. The academic problem I experience are the same ones I've had before, and so far I've made little progress in dealing with them, despite a year of therapy and plenty of discourse with my professors. I made dean's list last semester and now I'm in danger of failing at least two classes, potentially all four.
I have a profound lack of human contact in my life. Classes are no substitute for personal friendships, and talking to people online, even using a voice chat program, doesn't supply a certain something that face to face interaction fulfills. On days where I don't have to go to class, it is entirely possible I will not even speak directly to another living being. I spend my time in a dorm room with shades drawn, dark or artificially lit.
I live in a box, isolated from the world. My lifelines out are lifeless, sterile facsimiles -- internet, television, classes, therapy. It's not some statement about the efficacy of my therapist that she represents the most fulfilling personal relationship currently in my life; it's another construction -- though I do believe that she is invested in helping me, our relationship is a professional one, not personal.
I feel like I'm waiting for something better because I lack the ability or willpower to break out of this shell into the light.
I guess what I'm saying is... I miss you guys.
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I have no great drama, even when the world seems to press down and overwhelm it is quietly, and uneventfully. The academic problem I experience are the same ones I've had before, and so far I've made little progress in dealing with them, despite a year of therapy and plenty of discourse with my professors. I made dean's list last semester and now I'm in danger of failing at least two classes, potentially all four.
I have a profound lack of human contact in my life. Classes are no substitute for personal friendships, and talking to people online, even using a voice chat program, doesn't supply a certain something that face to face interaction fulfills. On days where I don't have to go to class, it is entirely possible I will not even speak directly to another living being. I spend my time in a dorm room with shades drawn, dark or artificially lit.
I live in a box, isolated from the world. My lifelines out are lifeless, sterile facsimiles -- internet, television, classes, therapy. It's not some statement about the efficacy of my therapist that she represents the most fulfilling personal relationship currently in my life; it's another construction -- though I do believe that she is invested in helping me, our relationship is a professional one, not personal.
I feel like I'm waiting for something better because I lack the ability or willpower to break out of this shell into the light.
I guess what I'm saying is... I miss you guys.
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