Writer's Block: Miss Manners
I believe that the answer can only be that truly dreadful invention, the standardised sneeze sound substitution implant device.
Recently I believed myself to be fortunate in stumbling upon an open air Opera recital. How wrong can a chap be? Imagine both my distaste and horror at finding myself covered in mucous, phlegm and saliva, even as the voice of the sneezer reached an alto-crescendo truly sublime.
This wretched device has also deceived the local bus driver into believing himself an artist. "Terpsichore!" he yells as he builds a suitable head of steam, "nothing like Terpsichore for starting a morning. Not to mention it clears yer pipes!"
Sneezing of course, like most bodily expressions, is both contagious and catching, by which I mean not only are disgusting germs spread willy-nilly but the actual desire to sneeze is carried quickly around any group or assembly. Thus the bus is always delayed as we participate in a (no longer spontaneous) full three choruses of The Pirates of Penzance.
Old Doris Gladthorp, 100 next year, bless - actually managed to eject herself clear off the bus such was the enthusiastic power of her sneeze. I looked in horror at the bus driver and his only response was "I better do The Gondoliers tomorrow, it's lighter."
Cheap hi-tech implants will be nothing but trouble, mark my words.
Recently I believed myself to be fortunate in stumbling upon an open air Opera recital. How wrong can a chap be? Imagine both my distaste and horror at finding myself covered in mucous, phlegm and saliva, even as the voice of the sneezer reached an alto-crescendo truly sublime.
This wretched device has also deceived the local bus driver into believing himself an artist. "Terpsichore!" he yells as he builds a suitable head of steam, "nothing like Terpsichore for starting a morning. Not to mention it clears yer pipes!"
Sneezing of course, like most bodily expressions, is both contagious and catching, by which I mean not only are disgusting germs spread willy-nilly but the actual desire to sneeze is carried quickly around any group or assembly. Thus the bus is always delayed as we participate in a (no longer spontaneous) full three choruses of The Pirates of Penzance.
Old Doris Gladthorp, 100 next year, bless - actually managed to eject herself clear off the bus such was the enthusiastic power of her sneeze. I looked in horror at the bus driver and his only response was "I better do The Gondoliers tomorrow, it's lighter."
Cheap hi-tech implants will be nothing but trouble, mark my words.