(no subject)
i've been writing more in my paper journal. scribbling. endless lines and lines of despair -- if only it weren't so consuming, this process. yesterday i honestly felt like living again -- felt like all my molecules were pretty much in the room at once -- it's been a long scattering of late. but the feeling only lasts a little while. still, i started sleeping again about two weeks ago (with chemical assistance) -- after more than three months of not (an hour or two, then panic), i guess a little sanity can seep back in.
i've been looking at myself on video. it is like looking at a stranger. is it like that for others, or do they know what they look like? i keep wondering about others, do they know who they are?
i don't like being alone -- is there ever a time when i'm not?
i've been in one place a year and a third by now. this is the longest stretch in one place in six years. my immediate impulse is to run away. my heart flickers.
i've been looking at myself on video. it is like looking at a stranger. is it like that for others, or do they know what they look like? i keep wondering about others, do they know who they are?
i don't like being alone -- is there ever a time when i'm not?
i've been in one place a year and a third by now. this is the longest stretch in one place in six years. my immediate impulse is to run away. my heart flickers.