Hello..
Dear LiveJournal,
I exist!
Um, yeah, I've been pretty much gone. You didn't really miss anything. Except for little things. Like the fact that I run now. Or that a tick bit my boob, or grand adventures, or crazy music video making, or stoned church singers, crazy relatives totaling cars, crazy brother being crazy.. lovely little trivial things like that.
I really get frustrated with this living thing sometimes, but it's cool.. I guess. I've been involuntarily being a bitch to people. Socializing is not really working. Sorry if I seem like a cold asshole. I probably still love all of you more than you know. =P It's very strange.. I miss people, but at the same time, I can't bear to be around them sometimes.. irritating, yes.
My brain is having serious issues. My family is a fucking train wreck with no sign of help in sight. To illustrate my point: "I wish I was never born. Well, no, I don't wish that, but I feel like doing nothing except staring at black all day cuz there's just nothing to do." This wouldn't be too alarming, had it been said by someone other than my littlest brother who JUST TURNED SIX. But we all know my family is dysfunctional.. whose isn't anyway?
In other news, I would like to illustrate the fact that I really hate BULLSHIT. I hate when people exaggerate things. I do it myself without noticing, and then realize how utterly revolting it is. Almost everything I hear all day is bullshit. Wake up, read bullshit in the paper, go to work, listen to bullshit small talk (no, not everyone at work does this), receive bullshit books (no, not all books are, but I'd give it a good 75%), go home, listen to parents and brother scream bullshit back and forth at each other (well that IS all bullshit, can't give em much there..), etc. It seems like there's just vast clouds of this stuff EVERYWHERE totally blocking out whatever meaning life might possibly hold. Bullshit preoccupies the lives of everyone. STRESS STRESS STRESS and worry over this, turn problems into enormous conflicts and catastrophes. It feels like nothing is actually TRUE sometimes, and it's so fucking hard to break free from. It seems nothing is in its genuine, simple, form. From the story your friend tells you about what he did last weekend to your dad's religious views, everything seems to be HYPED and GLOSSED and DRAMATIZED to be more interesting, to be more exciting, to be special and different and important. What the fuck ever happened to honesty? I hate lying. I hate swallowing bullshit, but I hate spitting it out even more. I hate acting out a fallacy day after day just so I don't get condemned by the bullshit laws of a bullshit god.
I have been disgustingly stressed out and floored lately and I really don't know why. When I think of all the things that are causing it, I realize they are all empty problems. There is no point in letting them take over my life, yet every day they drain the energy out of me.. .
Do you ever feel like a total phony? Ever feel like all the things people think are so great about you are really just nothing special at all? Ever realize that the image someone has been projecting of themselves for years is just that -- an image? People are so goddamn strange. Why can't we all just be honest with ourselves and each other? Garrrrrgh x_x
Consciousness is tiring. I'm going to sleep.
I have also more than exceeded my quota for the use of the word "BULLSHIT" for the next 27 weeks.
Godnat. -_-
I exist!
Um, yeah, I've been pretty much gone. You didn't really miss anything. Except for little things. Like the fact that I run now. Or that a tick bit my boob, or grand adventures, or crazy music video making, or stoned church singers, crazy relatives totaling cars, crazy brother being crazy.. lovely little trivial things like that.
I really get frustrated with this living thing sometimes, but it's cool.. I guess. I've been involuntarily being a bitch to people. Socializing is not really working. Sorry if I seem like a cold asshole. I probably still love all of you more than you know. =P It's very strange.. I miss people, but at the same time, I can't bear to be around them sometimes.. irritating, yes.
My brain is having serious issues. My family is a fucking train wreck with no sign of help in sight. To illustrate my point: "I wish I was never born. Well, no, I don't wish that, but I feel like doing nothing except staring at black all day cuz there's just nothing to do." This wouldn't be too alarming, had it been said by someone other than my littlest brother who JUST TURNED SIX. But we all know my family is dysfunctional.. whose isn't anyway?
In other news, I would like to illustrate the fact that I really hate BULLSHIT. I hate when people exaggerate things. I do it myself without noticing, and then realize how utterly revolting it is. Almost everything I hear all day is bullshit. Wake up, read bullshit in the paper, go to work, listen to bullshit small talk (no, not everyone at work does this), receive bullshit books (no, not all books are, but I'd give it a good 75%), go home, listen to parents and brother scream bullshit back and forth at each other (well that IS all bullshit, can't give em much there..), etc. It seems like there's just vast clouds of this stuff EVERYWHERE totally blocking out whatever meaning life might possibly hold. Bullshit preoccupies the lives of everyone. STRESS STRESS STRESS and worry over this, turn problems into enormous conflicts and catastrophes. It feels like nothing is actually TRUE sometimes, and it's so fucking hard to break free from. It seems nothing is in its genuine, simple, form. From the story your friend tells you about what he did last weekend to your dad's religious views, everything seems to be HYPED and GLOSSED and DRAMATIZED to be more interesting, to be more exciting, to be special and different and important. What the fuck ever happened to honesty? I hate lying. I hate swallowing bullshit, but I hate spitting it out even more. I hate acting out a fallacy day after day just so I don't get condemned by the bullshit laws of a bullshit god.
I have been disgustingly stressed out and floored lately and I really don't know why. When I think of all the things that are causing it, I realize they are all empty problems. There is no point in letting them take over my life, yet every day they drain the energy out of me.. .
Do you ever feel like a total phony? Ever feel like all the things people think are so great about you are really just nothing special at all? Ever realize that the image someone has been projecting of themselves for years is just that -- an image? People are so goddamn strange. Why can't we all just be honest with ourselves and each other? Garrrrrgh x_x
Consciousness is tiring. I'm going to sleep.
I have also more than exceeded my quota for the use of the word "BULLSHIT" for the next 27 weeks.
Godnat. -_-