.::. I Like You Just the Way You Are .::.
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Just wanted a quick update, in case I don't get to it tonight. I'll be working for a good chunk of the day, sinc the Fire Academy starts today. :O Ima be a busy bee again! Whoo.
I went to bed depressed again, but I usually wake up just fine. But as I lay there with Ethan beside me, I yearned to be touched and loved. Which is odd, usually I want my god damned space, so you better fucking give it. I wanted him to make the first move...but got tired of waiting, haha. So I kinda went to touch him, laid my hand on him and he laid his over mine. <3 Then I snuggled closer and....yeah, sparks flew! It was hot. <3 Usually our sex is either: A) Intense, fast and hard. B) Very lovely and gentle C) Just to get it done and go to sleep D)And bqgdjw. But last night, he said it was all about me. =D ALLLLL of it. <3 It was nice, and I was surprised. Sex is a mutual thing between us, and we spoil each other rotten, but it was a nice change of pace.
Of course, I couldn't go to sleep afterward but it was almost 1:30am and we both had to get up at 6:15am for work. ._. It sucked. Finally I drifted off to sleep. But when I woke up, I was thinking about my IRC family, so I padded over to the kitchen table to check any new LJ's. Of course, I found 2. By Chris (Renegade) and Morgan (Amythist/Dagda.) I was a little surprised, and a little ashamed to find Chris's about me. And I just got even more pissed off when I read Morgan's. Poor girl.
To Chris: I'm...sorry, is all I can say. My actions/words towards you aren't meant in a cruel sense, I'm being more selfish than I should and I need to cease and desist. I'll explain more to you once I can PM you, but for now, I hope you accept my apology. I suppose my feelings were hurt, among other things, and I as already feeling bad...I let it get out of paw, and I'm very sorry. Our friendship may be new, but I can see it being a lasting one. I see great potential in you as a leader, and if you want to remain with LE...I totally respect it and will do whatever I can do aid you, even if I must forfeit my own feelings, and that of Seer's. We'll talk more later.
To Morgan: You know I would do anything for you, Sisters of the Spirit, remember? I don't care what trouble I get into, I've always defended you and I have no problem doing so again, even if I immerse myself into more trouble. You're worth it. I may not have people defending me, but that's alright. I don't care. =/ My rep. is pretty much shit anyways, I must do what I can to salvage yours. And the way people are treating you lately is....disgusting. People don't deserve to have you even speak to them. *scoffs.* You may be too nice, but luckily you have me to balance that out, and vice versa. Your help with Ren is appreciated, and I realized that I sounde selfish when we spoke, even if you say I wasn't. But I'm...tired of being the complete bitch people speak of. I did the wolfrp world a favor when I found you, hopefully I can do the same with Renegade. Don't give up, sister. I'll always be by your side to catch you when you fall, remember that poem I wrote you? Every word is true, and I'd fight fang and claw to keep it that way.
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Okay, I want to make things clear, or rather, BlindSeer's actions. Yes, she's upset, but just what is the reason? I suppose my OOC feelings are rubbing off ICly, and vice versa, which has never been a problem before. But since meeting Renegade, I've taken a liking to him. (Not THAT way, but as a good friend.) Which is very rare. Those worthy of my praise are just that; worthy. And only a few may lay claim to that.
Well, after Seer met Ren, she instantly began taking a liking to him, because he was everything she wanted in a mate. Strong, a very good leader, his actions towards the packfamily, his devotion...she wanted that, and more, directed towards her and NightRain. Well, Ren is Alpha of LunarEclipse, which means they cannot even court because of the Out Of Pack Courting/Mating Law. Which I will stand by steadfast, even to my own personal gain. I won't make an exception, even though I wish I could. Every time I see Ren make a post about a mate and having pups, it upsets me even more. I wont ask Ren to leave LE...I respect his desire to remain Alpha there...but still. ;-;
Anyways, moving on. I've NEVER had a mate that stuck around for more than 2 weeks. Ever. And I've only had.....2? Vin of NorthernLights/SweetMystics and Konaa/My IRL Boyfriend. I've always wanted a mate who I could turn too as a friend, one who would help me with the pack and everything...just like everyone else seems to have, that I can't get. So, Seer knows nothing can become of her and Renegade, so she's trying to...avoid him, while not, at the same time....though that makes absolutly no sense. *sighs.* She doesn't want to be reminded she cannot have him, but doesn't want to lose his friendship either. Kind of a sticky situation....oh well, I'll have to deal. Like I've always done.