June in My 30th Year
Been awhile since I've been 'round here.
Went back to read old posts, some from years ago, some from not too long ago. I guess I really haven't changed that much. Haven't changed much since I was like 20. Here I am now, 30, and I can't believe how things are so much the same. Same people, same issues. It's a goddamn spin cycle. You get so caught up in not breaking something that you don't notice how it's all just going round and round.
If anything has changed at all it's really that I've just withdrawn even more. So that's not really a change, I guess. Just more of the same, just more intense.
She really tried. Not that I didn't but I just couldn't do it anymore. I knew it would be me. From the first day, somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I knew it would be me. I said straight up to her that she'd hate me after awhile. I was wrong about that, but that's my own fault. For once I did all the right things, I'm just not sure why. I guess perhaps I learned from past mistakes, past relationships, and did better this time. But it came around eventually because I was the one who got tired of it. It was a lot of negativity, constant and relentless. I'm negative enough, I don't need any extra! Also she didn't respect me. Or believe me when I said I loved her. So, it's time to move on.
Our conversation from the other night (about a week ago maybe) about why we should/shouldn't break up. Every time I went to speak she interrupted me. Every time. And for a few months prior when I said 'I love you" she would always follow it with 'are you sure'? Like what a great way to show your confidence in someone by constantly second-guessing them.
Anyway, I don't feel like ranting about it. Just thought I'd get it out there.
It was a rough couple of weeks these past two. Here's to a new week.
Went back to read old posts, some from years ago, some from not too long ago. I guess I really haven't changed that much. Haven't changed much since I was like 20. Here I am now, 30, and I can't believe how things are so much the same. Same people, same issues. It's a goddamn spin cycle. You get so caught up in not breaking something that you don't notice how it's all just going round and round.
If anything has changed at all it's really that I've just withdrawn even more. So that's not really a change, I guess. Just more of the same, just more intense.
She really tried. Not that I didn't but I just couldn't do it anymore. I knew it would be me. From the first day, somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I knew it would be me. I said straight up to her that she'd hate me after awhile. I was wrong about that, but that's my own fault. For once I did all the right things, I'm just not sure why. I guess perhaps I learned from past mistakes, past relationships, and did better this time. But it came around eventually because I was the one who got tired of it. It was a lot of negativity, constant and relentless. I'm negative enough, I don't need any extra! Also she didn't respect me. Or believe me when I said I loved her. So, it's time to move on.
Our conversation from the other night (about a week ago maybe) about why we should/shouldn't break up. Every time I went to speak she interrupted me. Every time. And for a few months prior when I said 'I love you" she would always follow it with 'are you sure'? Like what a great way to show your confidence in someone by constantly second-guessing them.
Anyway, I don't feel like ranting about it. Just thought I'd get it out there.
It was a rough couple of weeks these past two. Here's to a new week.