10 Things Leia Organa
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns Star Wars. I am not making any profit from this work of fanfiction.
Author's note: Requested by selonbrody in my 10 Things Meme.
TEN THINGS LEIA ORGANA
1) Leia tells everyone that Darth Vader destroyed Alderaan. It's easier, that way. He's a monster, and he's still alive to hate. She blames him, even to herself, but in her quieter moments she can't quite silence the voice that whispers that he didn't give the order, that his contempt for the Death Star as a project and Tarkin as a person was widely known. But Tarkin blew up with his precious Death Star, so if he's to blame, then who can take the brunt of her revenge?
But what she really can't forgive Vader for, ever, is that he saved her life that day. She would have gone after Tarkin, diplomacy be damned, that's her home planet down there, those are her people, but the room was full of stormtroopers and Imperial officers and she would never have made the meter-and-a-half to Tarkin's throat before she was shot down, she'd never have been able to actually kill him.
So when she lunged, Vader grabbed her shoulders and held her close against his solid, mechanically-breathing chest - there was a faint tang of engine grease about him, she remembers, but that couldn't be right - and held her fast, his gloved metal fingers strong and sure but no more ungentle than they had to be on her shoulders as her whole life exploded before her eyes.
Everyone she'd known and loved died that day, but she survived, and that was Vader's fault.
2) Winter should have been her best friend, and Leia wanted her to be, but somehow they could never quite overcome the disparity in their status, and so Winter ends up being the sidekick, even though she's smarter and faster and quite possibly a better, more natural diplomat. Leia has to work harder just to keep up, but instead of gloating, Winter helps her improve. And that is really why, years later, Leia still really wants to be best friends. Even if it never quite works.
3) Finding Han was a surprise and in some ways a mistake; Leia Organa should have married for politics. Her mother Padmé might have agreed, even though Leia never knew her, but Luke says that Anakin Skywalker never would have. It takes her a week to forgive Luke for saying this, and years to admit that he was right.
4) After Alderaan is destroyed, Leia goes through a phase of wearing her hair in simpler coils, no longer the Princess but a member of the Rebel Alliance - even though, contradictorily, she doesn't have a military rank and is instead one of its political leaders. But after their big win at Endor, it somehow becomes important to style her hair in the extravagantly formal fashions of the Old Republic once again, a symbol of everything they have restored and a reminder of everything that's been lost, and so her hair becomes an expression of politics and the people, and not of Leia herself at all. Maybe this is why Han will only talk to her about important things when she lets it down.
5) Luke insists that she is a lot like their hotheaded father, and Leia hates it when he does that. She hates that she can't imagine the reckless, compassionate young man he describes, and then she hates it even more when she can.
6) Childhood on Alderaan is cold and political. Bail is caring but not particularly warm; even at home, there is a certain formality in his bearing, due probably to his having been raised in this privileged but isolating position.
7) Meeting Luke Skywalker is the beginning of Leia's understanding of what other people have lived like all along; there is a warmth about him, and all his interactions with her are purely personal. He fails entirely to see the Alderaanian princess, but he manages to honor the nobility inside her anyway. And when he talks of home and family, it is a thousand times more intimate than anything she remembers, and she envies him that until she realizes that she can have it hear, and now, with him.
8) Her epiphany about Luke and what it means to have family leads to an uncomfortable realization about Han and what it means to have friends, and that's more complicated because it takes her forever to admit that she wants to be much more than friends with him. He's not her type. He's a scoundrel. "You like me because I'm a scoundrel," he says, and Leia tries harder to deny it because it's true.
9) She regrets for the rest of her life that she never actually got to have a conversation with Obi-Wan Kenobi. Her father - Bail - has told her a dozen stories about him and his reckless one-time Padawan, their crazy antics and their wild heroism, and she knows he was the first person ever to hold her when she was born ... but she never got to speak to him. Never got to hear his voice, once she was old enough to understand. Never got to thank him for saving her life.
10) The one thing Leia never quite forgives herself for is that, after everything, after Luke and Han and knowing real love and friendship and intimacy, she still chooses a political life, a life lived for the state and not for herself or her family. Everybody else forgives her, even if they don't really understand ... but to her dying day, Leia Organa-Solo wonders what might have happened if she had made her father's choice, at least a little bit, and chosen love over duty.
Deep down, she knows that this is why she can never put her family first: her father destroyed a galaxy to save her, and she has lived her whole life in the shadow of those consequences. She can't ask her children to live in the shadow of that guilt.
Author's note: Requested by selonbrody in my 10 Things Meme.
TEN THINGS LEIA ORGANA
1) Leia tells everyone that Darth Vader destroyed Alderaan. It's easier, that way. He's a monster, and he's still alive to hate. She blames him, even to herself, but in her quieter moments she can't quite silence the voice that whispers that he didn't give the order, that his contempt for the Death Star as a project and Tarkin as a person was widely known. But Tarkin blew up with his precious Death Star, so if he's to blame, then who can take the brunt of her revenge?
But what she really can't forgive Vader for, ever, is that he saved her life that day. She would have gone after Tarkin, diplomacy be damned, that's her home planet down there, those are her people, but the room was full of stormtroopers and Imperial officers and she would never have made the meter-and-a-half to Tarkin's throat before she was shot down, she'd never have been able to actually kill him.
So when she lunged, Vader grabbed her shoulders and held her close against his solid, mechanically-breathing chest - there was a faint tang of engine grease about him, she remembers, but that couldn't be right - and held her fast, his gloved metal fingers strong and sure but no more ungentle than they had to be on her shoulders as her whole life exploded before her eyes.
Everyone she'd known and loved died that day, but she survived, and that was Vader's fault.
2) Winter should have been her best friend, and Leia wanted her to be, but somehow they could never quite overcome the disparity in their status, and so Winter ends up being the sidekick, even though she's smarter and faster and quite possibly a better, more natural diplomat. Leia has to work harder just to keep up, but instead of gloating, Winter helps her improve. And that is really why, years later, Leia still really wants to be best friends. Even if it never quite works.
3) Finding Han was a surprise and in some ways a mistake; Leia Organa should have married for politics. Her mother Padmé might have agreed, even though Leia never knew her, but Luke says that Anakin Skywalker never would have. It takes her a week to forgive Luke for saying this, and years to admit that he was right.
4) After Alderaan is destroyed, Leia goes through a phase of wearing her hair in simpler coils, no longer the Princess but a member of the Rebel Alliance - even though, contradictorily, she doesn't have a military rank and is instead one of its political leaders. But after their big win at Endor, it somehow becomes important to style her hair in the extravagantly formal fashions of the Old Republic once again, a symbol of everything they have restored and a reminder of everything that's been lost, and so her hair becomes an expression of politics and the people, and not of Leia herself at all. Maybe this is why Han will only talk to her about important things when she lets it down.
5) Luke insists that she is a lot like their hotheaded father, and Leia hates it when he does that. She hates that she can't imagine the reckless, compassionate young man he describes, and then she hates it even more when she can.
6) Childhood on Alderaan is cold and political. Bail is caring but not particularly warm; even at home, there is a certain formality in his bearing, due probably to his having been raised in this privileged but isolating position.
7) Meeting Luke Skywalker is the beginning of Leia's understanding of what other people have lived like all along; there is a warmth about him, and all his interactions with her are purely personal. He fails entirely to see the Alderaanian princess, but he manages to honor the nobility inside her anyway. And when he talks of home and family, it is a thousand times more intimate than anything she remembers, and she envies him that until she realizes that she can have it hear, and now, with him.
8) Her epiphany about Luke and what it means to have family leads to an uncomfortable realization about Han and what it means to have friends, and that's more complicated because it takes her forever to admit that she wants to be much more than friends with him. He's not her type. He's a scoundrel. "You like me because I'm a scoundrel," he says, and Leia tries harder to deny it because it's true.
9) She regrets for the rest of her life that she never actually got to have a conversation with Obi-Wan Kenobi. Her father - Bail - has told her a dozen stories about him and his reckless one-time Padawan, their crazy antics and their wild heroism, and she knows he was the first person ever to hold her when she was born ... but she never got to speak to him. Never got to hear his voice, once she was old enough to understand. Never got to thank him for saving her life.
10) The one thing Leia never quite forgives herself for is that, after everything, after Luke and Han and knowing real love and friendship and intimacy, she still chooses a political life, a life lived for the state and not for herself or her family. Everybody else forgives her, even if they don't really understand ... but to her dying day, Leia Organa-Solo wonders what might have happened if she had made her father's choice, at least a little bit, and chosen love over duty.
Deep down, she knows that this is why she can never put her family first: her father destroyed a galaxy to save her, and she has lived her whole life in the shadow of those consequences. She can't ask her children to live in the shadow of that guilt.