being stupid again? maybe not
well i'm trying not to be stupid:
i hate my job and i try ruthlessly to get out of it--been sick lately agian...this time my stomach is the culprit
and i've started talking to the ass again. and he's being an ass again.
it was his birthday monday, and i enjoy talking to him--when he's not accusing me of lying to him or cheating. what point would there be? i'm not a liar by nature, and tho i can't remember shit past a few hours ago sometimes i don't intentionally decieve anyone. it was stupid period, and he got all upset cuz i decided to go to bed *early* when i didnt' get a response from him.
i could read more into it, liek he was jsut upset that he didn't get to talk to me--blah blah blah ---i could read alot into his damn childish behavior towards me--but i don't want to. its easier for me to take it at face value and conclude that he considers me not good enuf, or what the fuck ever-i know the boy doesn't love me, never will and couldn't possibly care if i'm bleeding, as long as i don't do it in his car.
so why do i continue to talk to him? cuz its helping me get over him--i realize more and more why this could never work--my overactive touture device of an imagination doesn't come up w/ a worse situation instead-i'm tlkaing to him, i know, well as much as he lets me know what's going on with him
and like any addiction, tapering off seems to work better than straight out cold turkey.
i still love him, i still care but my heart is mine. but i miss him still.
i'm a human girl w/ a human heart--and reading soem of my friend's LJ entries, makes me realize i'm not alone--variable self-esteem, a very good mask but loving and hoping someone will love them for who they are and want to share lives. i'm a very sexual person but i'm spiritual and emotional too. i want it ALL--and i shouldn't settle for less.
now if i just didn't have to go to work.
i hate my job and i try ruthlessly to get out of it--been sick lately agian...this time my stomach is the culprit
and i've started talking to the ass again. and he's being an ass again.
it was his birthday monday, and i enjoy talking to him--when he's not accusing me of lying to him or cheating. what point would there be? i'm not a liar by nature, and tho i can't remember shit past a few hours ago sometimes i don't intentionally decieve anyone. it was stupid period, and he got all upset cuz i decided to go to bed *early* when i didnt' get a response from him.
i could read more into it, liek he was jsut upset that he didn't get to talk to me--blah blah blah ---i could read alot into his damn childish behavior towards me--but i don't want to. its easier for me to take it at face value and conclude that he considers me not good enuf, or what the fuck ever-i know the boy doesn't love me, never will and couldn't possibly care if i'm bleeding, as long as i don't do it in his car.
so why do i continue to talk to him? cuz its helping me get over him--i realize more and more why this could never work--my overactive touture device of an imagination doesn't come up w/ a worse situation instead-i'm tlkaing to him, i know, well as much as he lets me know what's going on with him
and like any addiction, tapering off seems to work better than straight out cold turkey.
i still love him, i still care but my heart is mine. but i miss him still.
i'm a human girl w/ a human heart--and reading soem of my friend's LJ entries, makes me realize i'm not alone--variable self-esteem, a very good mask but loving and hoping someone will love them for who they are and want to share lives. i'm a very sexual person but i'm spiritual and emotional too. i want it ALL--and i shouldn't settle for less.
now if i just didn't have to go to work.