Life as a realist
There was a time when I was an Idealist, so much so that with little coaxing I can remember being sixteen and crying in my room because I couldn't understand why people couldn't just love one another. Oh the angst--it was massive.
My generation didn't have anything like Goth or Emo but I sure as hell would have done them proud. Long story/short I grew up, and in the process it became blatantly, painfully clear why people could not "...just love one another." The reasons were myriad but can be distilled down to this: people are not very lovable. Who knew?
Bob Marley said it best: "The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You've just got to find the ones worth suffering for."
Here's the my own truth: I haven't found a lot of people that I think are worth suffering for. I have tried and having tried I found that my suffering never changed anything other than me. My suffering never made the people that I was sacrificing for any smarter, or better; more careful or even thoughtful. Most of them resented me because I made them feel guilty. So although the changes in me were needed and, for the most part welcomed, I had to leave any belief that my suffering could truly change anything for anyone else in my past.
I can truthfully say I would willingly suffer for the rest of my life for Bill, and our daughters. I couldn't care less whether or not they reciprocated, as a matter of fact it would be a relief to know that they would not suffer for me--but they would. That means
we accept that we have a great deal of power over each others lives; we try to wield it judiciously and with care. Suffering is mostly just--bad.
My generation didn't have anything like Goth or Emo but I sure as hell would have done them proud. Long story/short I grew up, and in the process it became blatantly, painfully clear why people could not "...just love one another." The reasons were myriad but can be distilled down to this: people are not very lovable. Who knew?
Bob Marley said it best: "The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You've just got to find the ones worth suffering for."
Here's the my own truth: I haven't found a lot of people that I think are worth suffering for. I have tried and having tried I found that my suffering never changed anything other than me. My suffering never made the people that I was sacrificing for any smarter, or better; more careful or even thoughtful. Most of them resented me because I made them feel guilty. So although the changes in me were needed and, for the most part welcomed, I had to leave any belief that my suffering could truly change anything for anyone else in my past.
I can truthfully say I would willingly suffer for the rest of my life for Bill, and our daughters. I couldn't care less whether or not they reciprocated, as a matter of fact it would be a relief to know that they would not suffer for me--but they would. That means
we accept that we have a great deal of power over each others lives; we try to wield it judiciously and with care. Suffering is mostly just--bad.