Not a people person
I use to feel weird about not being overly enthralled with my fellow human beings. Everyone I knew told me that: "You need to get out more." "Why don't you call so-n-so, they are always wanting you to go out." So, I would go out and run the clubs and there would be partying galore.
We spent several hours in altered states with most of my friends either passing-out or being sick or on a couple of occasions watching a friend make really bad calls on accompanying strangers to locations unknown while I protested loudly but to no avail.
The next day everyone wanted to talk about how awesome a time they had and I was left wondering if they had been at the same party that I had been at. I thought it sucked. It was a waste of time,youth and vigor. This isn't an attitude that has come with age, I felt this at the time it was happening -- my sister and friends can testify that I was never a party girl. I was ok with that it was just everyone else that seemed to think that I was missing out on something....
I don't stand on convention. I didn't when I was younger and being young and partying is about as conventional as it gets.
There are other things I felt weird about because everyone I knew felt the exact opposite (or at least they said they did). For instance, I hated pregnancy. I felt pretty great after the first trimester but I kept thinking about the fact that there was another being living in my body - actually growing in my body! That kinda freaked me out. I tried not to think about it a lot. I didn't glow, and I sure as hell did not feel sexy. *shivers*
So when other women would sit and rub there 'baby bumps' and smile I would be trying not to think about the foot that was pushing against my insides so hard that I could see the outline through my skin.
I think our Public School System is horribly broken and out-dated. I believed it when I was a student and my beliefs were only confirmed when my daughters attended PS. I worked hard on trying to be supportive of whatever-the-hell the school was telling us would make our children's school year a success.
I volunteered, I was a Room Mother, I chaperoned trips and bought books that the school library couldn't afford and donated them. I was given a position on the PAT Board (not something I asked for but, ok). I embraced the 'System' and for my children I would be a good soldier and 'do my part'. That went smoothly until I expressed my concern about a particular PAT policy of using our young children as door-to-door salespeople in order to solicit funds for the school playground, my thoughts were not appreciated. Fine, I just thought that maybe this was a good time to rethink a long held position that doesn't seem to be working but...
I got tired of being seen as a 'rebel'. I wasn't a rebel, but the system was in place and you either got on board or jumped the bus. I jumped and took my daughters with me. We homeschooled. No harm, no foul.
I do think it's interesting that when folks know that we homeschooled their inevitable opposition is based on my daughters not being 'socialized' or (god help me) "What about going to proms,or football games!" Not "What about Science Lab, or the higher maths or foreign languages?"
So, here's my point; when I have tried to conform and be a part of...whatever, it doesn't work out -- for any of us. I tend to think most of the people I've been personally acquainted with act more like sheep than individuals (and, yes, I know that is grossly unfair and untrue) and they tend to think that I am aloof,stuck-up or a troublemaker.
I have come to accept that there just isn't enough hours in the day to get to know everyone on a level that is fair and true nor are there enough hours to become politically or socially active on a level that effects real change.
I'm doing what I can when I can, I suspect most people are and I'm ok with that.
Right now, my hands are full with the people that are in my life; I don't want or need anyone else - at least not to bond with. It isn't personal it's practical.
Oh! and don't fret, I am aware that if/when the day comes that I do have time and want to have a relationship or bond with you - you may not have time for me. Trust me when I say I do respect that.