The Day The World Ran Out Of Strawberry Flavoured Lube - Director's Cut
Doubty doubts, yada, yada...there used to be another version but I like this one better. So here you go.
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That day, the world ran out of strawberry flavoured lube and an uproar went through the blogosphere unlike any other before. Hundreds if not thousands of selected stores, scattered around the globe were overrun by panicked customers, netizens and collectors hoping for one lucky grab. And humanity stood still, unable to comprehend the madness of the resulting riots.
But Jack Harkness did not know about this because...
On the same day, the very moment the world ran out of strawberry flavoured lube, by some coincidence the fabric of our dimension gave way and the Cybermen entered our world. Incapable to feel pity or even remorse, unstoppable, they marched towards us, Humanity 1.0 and we screamed and ran as their hands of steel reached out for us.
But Jack Harkness did not notice them because...
The lube-riots-day which was the Cybermen-day, a group of semi-godlike fangirls came to earth. And the television screens showed us visions of pretty yet mostly misunderstood men and LOLCats, riding dragons all bigger than the mind could hold and the cameramen couldn't get away in time and then the semi-gods came out.
But Jack Harkness did not see them coming because...
On the lube-riot, Cybermen, Semi-Godlike Fangirl-day the floodgates broke and each of us were engulfed by an sentient mass of pan-galactic glob, offering us all the wonders of the universe and eternites and charm, and cleverness, eternal complacency and more gold than anyone could ever eat while giant cocks roamed through the lands and killer bees.
But Jack Harkness had no idea of any of this because...
That day, the lube-riot, Cybermen, Fangirl-day, the day when the ice came and cities turned to crystal, the plants died, metal dissolved and plastic crumbled to dust, the day the iPhones turned, their screens telling us that we would obey, the day animals, stoned and muddled, jam-sessioned with time-travelling hippies in our zoos, and all the alarm systems of Britain were sounded, the day the tabloids spoke to us in Assyrian, dinosaur day, the day Owen Harper performed a strip-confession on a nation-wide broadcast television show for Toshiko Sato, the use-a-towel-as-cape and arrival of the Timelords day
Jack Harkness didn't notice any of this because he was in the hub, shagging Ianto.
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You guys know how much love I have for this pairing, but be honest, this ending fits the madness just a tad better, does it not? xD
______________
That day, the world ran out of strawberry flavoured lube and an uproar went through the blogosphere unlike any other before. Hundreds if not thousands of selected stores, scattered around the globe were overrun by panicked customers, netizens and collectors hoping for one lucky grab. And humanity stood still, unable to comprehend the madness of the resulting riots.
But Jack Harkness did not know about this because...
On the same day, the very moment the world ran out of strawberry flavoured lube, by some coincidence the fabric of our dimension gave way and the Cybermen entered our world. Incapable to feel pity or even remorse, unstoppable, they marched towards us, Humanity 1.0 and we screamed and ran as their hands of steel reached out for us.
But Jack Harkness did not notice them because...
The lube-riots-day which was the Cybermen-day, a group of semi-godlike fangirls came to earth. And the television screens showed us visions of pretty yet mostly misunderstood men and LOLCats, riding dragons all bigger than the mind could hold and the cameramen couldn't get away in time and then the semi-gods came out.
But Jack Harkness did not see them coming because...
On the lube-riot, Cybermen, Semi-Godlike Fangirl-day the floodgates broke and each of us were engulfed by an sentient mass of pan-galactic glob, offering us all the wonders of the universe and eternites and charm, and cleverness, eternal complacency and more gold than anyone could ever eat while giant cocks roamed through the lands and killer bees.
But Jack Harkness had no idea of any of this because...
That day, the lube-riot, Cybermen, Fangirl-day, the day when the ice came and cities turned to crystal, the plants died, metal dissolved and plastic crumbled to dust, the day the iPhones turned, their screens telling us that we would obey, the day animals, stoned and muddled, jam-sessioned with time-travelling hippies in our zoos, and all the alarm systems of Britain were sounded, the day the tabloids spoke to us in Assyrian, dinosaur day, the day Owen Harper performed a strip-confession on a nation-wide broadcast television show for Toshiko Sato, the use-a-towel-as-cape and arrival of the Timelords day
Jack Harkness didn't notice any of this because he was in the hub, shagging Ianto.
_____________
You guys know how much love I have for this pairing, but be honest, this ending fits the madness just a tad better, does it not? xD