No Rewind
Title: No Rewind
Characters: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R
Warning: flangst
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the laptop I'm using. Borrowing is fine as long as I promise to give the shinies back, yes? *bats lashes*
A/N: This is SO not the easter fluff I was planning to write for you guys but now that the drilling has stopped I need to reacquaint myself with my bunnies which seem to have gone haywire in my absence. There's crack hopping around like mad, shortly followed by a massive bunch indecisive reel_torchwood bunnies and a whole different of oc-bunnies is whispering in strange tongues at me o_O
Aaanyway, this is a writing practise turned into a wholly unplanned drabbly fic based on the premise of a fix-it gone bad. This bunny is very experimental and I'm a bit nervous about it
Feel Me, Feel You
Happenstance.
One minute.
One meeting.
One gaze. Hands on his collar.
One kiss. Teeth on skin, biting just -oh- there, draw blood, bite harder.
Jack has barely any air left in his lungs left to breathe, even so he doesn't. He just closes his eyes, holds on to this bittersweet pain and drowns in the heady mix of guilt, memories and Ianto. Just there but not quite enough. Yes. Jack tugs on his shirt until the buttons come up with a 'pop,pop,pop'. The shirt goes down, as does Jack, he feels the hand on his hair, the tug. "Hah." Pain. Jack takes a deep breath, takes it all in cause it's there, not gone, not here. Kisses, nuzzles, licks. Right. There. The pull grows stronger, Jack feels the pain. He takes it, all of it. Deeper. Harder. It's here. Jack licks it all off. It's real.
He is still here.
Afterwards Ianto lets go of Jack's hair and tucks himself back into his trousers. Two minutes later he leaves the dark hotel room without a second look back at Jack. He just turns and walks away, back to his normal life and back to his boyfriend. Jack wraps himself deeper into his bedspread. Ianto might hate him but Jack doesn't regret what he did for a second. Ianto is safe that's all that counts.
Littlest things
It shouldn't be happening and it never happens on purpose but at times Ianto finds himself thinking back over something as silly and unimportant as a little silver spoon. He sees Jack somehow not only managing to balance his coffee spoon on his nose but also on his tongue until it crashed down into his coffee cup and sent almost the whole contents over his desk, clothes and baffled face.
The other day Ianto found a pair of blue boxers in his laundry two sizes too big for either him or Jamie and not knowing what to do with it he ended up stuffing it under his underwear when Jamie walked in to surprise him with a beautiful new set of silver cuff links.
Ianto stands at the window, looking out to the sea, wondering why he keeps sabotaging his relationship with Jamie over Jack. It wasn't Ianto who ended things back then. It wasn't Ianto who decided that there was no place for him in Torchwood anymore. It wasn't Ianto who said there could never be more.
Now they are here. Ianto at the window, Jack right behind him, kissing his shoulders just like back then, wrapping his arms around Ianto's waist just like then, as if time never stopped, eliciting this peculiar wish to pretend, just for now, only for the limited time in the small confinements of this hotel room.
Ianto knows that in the end it's all in vain, there can't always be a 'Rewind' in life and time never stopped moving since the day his life took a new turn.
Locked Up
Jamie is having that quirk in his lips again and Ianto knows that both have long since crossed the stage of fight, forgive and pretend to forget in favour of a scheduled life full of little, medium and bigger delusions. Jamie is a good guy. One of the best actually. Still, every time Ianto sees him he has to bite back this urge to yell and throw things at him without any reason. Jamie loves him. Truly loves him.
Yet Ianto can't help feeling the cutting string of guilt looping itself around his chest, constricting it more with each passing day, each added betrayal. Jamie is good for him yet Ianto can't open up. Won't stop hurting him. No matter which path he chooses it's ultimately going to be the wrong one. No matter what he does it won't be right. Ianto can't go back, he can't move on, there's no way out and this knowledge is piercing his throat
Fill Me, Spill Me, Kill Me
Each step Jack takes, takes him deeper into this long, gaping hole of longing. Each step burns deeper into his stomach. All he can do now is falling. And Jack falls through his strange void of happenstance, crashing against each YES, NO, and FUCK YOU as if they were rocks. Each one there, each one massive and each one of them leaving back marks on his skin, Jack takes each of them as it comes, unable to blame anyone but himself for circumstances as they are.
Jack simply smiles this smile nobody seems to get, not even Ianto but that doesn't matter, does it? Jack gazes down at the sleeping man in the bed and content with the knowledge of what he did, what he managed to achieve. Ianto even smells the same. Jack brushes a kiss over Ianto's forehead and reaches out only to pull his hand back in the same instant.
He shouldn't be here and Ianto shouldn't be either.
This is going all wrong but Jack can't bring himself to take a different direction, he only falls deeper through the void, knowing that rock bottom might be the only thing capable of tearing down the cracking facade of Captain Jack Harkness for good. Jack says his silent goodbyes, takes the next step and feels strangely alive.
Heading Home
One week passes without as much as a notice. Day for day and hour after hour Ianto catches himself checking his mobile for a short text, a caller ID, anything. At one lunch break Ianto simply starts walking. He can't really tell where he is heading. He can't even tell why he keeps walking. All he does is wandering, unconsciously waiting for this familiar flicker of blue without being able to detect it.
He walks until dawn and stops, thinking of home. His feet start moving on their own conduct. Ianto doesn't even notice where they are heading before he is there. He rents the same room they always use, crawls under his duvet and closes his eyes, dreaming of home.
The next morning Jack is standing at the threshold.
Neither one says a word.
Broken
Jack is drenched from head to toe when Ianto finds him.
His back is turned towards Ianto but he doesn't have to be a mind reader to know that Jack is crying. He didn't move even one muscle during the ceremony and hasn't moved ever since according to Rhys. He doesn't move when Ianto joins him at the grave. He doesn't say a word when Ianto lays his flowers down.
Somehow Ianto's jacket sleeve must have gotten caught in Jack's coat in the process because Jack is holding Ianto's arm. Jack still doesn't look at Ianto yet Ianto stays, wondering what it must feel like to lose a grandson.
Jack closes his eyes when Ianto gives him a kiss. Jack parts his lips when the kiss grows deeper and he won't let go of Ianto on that night.
Keep Breathing
Jack wraps himself tighter around Ianto's sleeping body, breathing in everything Ianto and feeling his heartbeat under his palms. Thadump. Thadump. Thadump. Jack closes his eyes, letting the soothing rhythm overtake the throbbing ache in his stomach. He takes a deep breath, feeling strangely frail despite his attested unbreakability. If it helped he would never let go again, if he knew it would keep the world he tried to protect at least a tiny bit safer if he threw himself into a tank of liquid concrete, he would do it but Steven is already gone and his death suffocates Jack, ever so slowly. It's his fault. Always his fault. He didn't suspect and then it was too late. Jack buries his face in Ianto's back. Thadump. Thadump. Thadump. What was the whole pain good for if it all ultimately has to end the same way? He remembers the Doctor's face and the sting burns even deeper with the knowledge that it still was in vain.
Turn To Stone
Ianto lays down the flowers while Jack says a silent prayer he doesn't recognize. Afterwards both walk side by side in silence. Jack's heart makes a violent leap when they suddenly cross his way but before anything is said Ianto takes Jack's hand. The other man simply smiles and returns Ianto's nod before he and the man on his side move on.
Both walk hand in hand until they arrive in the hotel room. Jack holds him back when Ianto tries to unlace their fingers, just gives Ianto's hand an asking squeeze but Ianto only shakes his head and smiles that wistful smile Jack doesn't like. Jack kisses first each knuckle, one by one, Ianto's forehead and then his lips, leaning his forehead against Ianto's afterwards, waiting.The only reply he gets is a whispered "I know."
Later that night he lays his arms around Jack's waist and wishes him a Happy Easter and Jack, not noticing the tears on his face, smiles.
Gah! I just remembered that I can't post my fics to comms in my current situation. Would someone help me? *puppy eyes* I offers a custom icon for your assistance.
Also @wynkat1313, did you get my tw_lucky_7 fic 2 days ago? My proxy is dead and I have problems to access my twitter at the moment x3
I WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY EASTER HOLIDAY! This entry was originally posted at http://wykling.dreamwidth.org/32349.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Characters: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R
Warning: flangst
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the laptop I'm using. Borrowing is fine as long as I promise to give the shinies back, yes? *bats lashes*
A/N: This is SO not the easter fluff I was planning to write for you guys but now that the drilling has stopped I need to reacquaint myself with my bunnies which seem to have gone haywire in my absence. There's crack hopping around like mad, shortly followed by a massive bunch indecisive reel_torchwood bunnies and a whole different of oc-bunnies is whispering in strange tongues at me o_O
Aaanyway, this is a writing practise turned into a wholly unplanned drabbly fic based on the premise of a fix-it gone bad. This bunny is very experimental and I'm a bit nervous about it
Feel Me, Feel You
Happenstance.
One minute.
One meeting.
One gaze. Hands on his collar.
One kiss. Teeth on skin, biting just -oh- there, draw blood, bite harder.
Jack has barely any air left in his lungs left to breathe, even so he doesn't. He just closes his eyes, holds on to this bittersweet pain and drowns in the heady mix of guilt, memories and Ianto. Just there but not quite enough. Yes. Jack tugs on his shirt until the buttons come up with a 'pop,pop,pop'. The shirt goes down, as does Jack, he feels the hand on his hair, the tug. "Hah." Pain. Jack takes a deep breath, takes it all in cause it's there, not gone, not here. Kisses, nuzzles, licks. Right. There. The pull grows stronger, Jack feels the pain. He takes it, all of it. Deeper. Harder. It's here. Jack licks it all off. It's real.
He is still here.
Afterwards Ianto lets go of Jack's hair and tucks himself back into his trousers. Two minutes later he leaves the dark hotel room without a second look back at Jack. He just turns and walks away, back to his normal life and back to his boyfriend. Jack wraps himself deeper into his bedspread. Ianto might hate him but Jack doesn't regret what he did for a second. Ianto is safe that's all that counts.
Littlest things
It shouldn't be happening and it never happens on purpose but at times Ianto finds himself thinking back over something as silly and unimportant as a little silver spoon. He sees Jack somehow not only managing to balance his coffee spoon on his nose but also on his tongue until it crashed down into his coffee cup and sent almost the whole contents over his desk, clothes and baffled face.
The other day Ianto found a pair of blue boxers in his laundry two sizes too big for either him or Jamie and not knowing what to do with it he ended up stuffing it under his underwear when Jamie walked in to surprise him with a beautiful new set of silver cuff links.
Ianto stands at the window, looking out to the sea, wondering why he keeps sabotaging his relationship with Jamie over Jack. It wasn't Ianto who ended things back then. It wasn't Ianto who decided that there was no place for him in Torchwood anymore. It wasn't Ianto who said there could never be more.
Now they are here. Ianto at the window, Jack right behind him, kissing his shoulders just like back then, wrapping his arms around Ianto's waist just like then, as if time never stopped, eliciting this peculiar wish to pretend, just for now, only for the limited time in the small confinements of this hotel room.
Ianto knows that in the end it's all in vain, there can't always be a 'Rewind' in life and time never stopped moving since the day his life took a new turn.
Locked Up
Jamie is having that quirk in his lips again and Ianto knows that both have long since crossed the stage of fight, forgive and pretend to forget in favour of a scheduled life full of little, medium and bigger delusions. Jamie is a good guy. One of the best actually. Still, every time Ianto sees him he has to bite back this urge to yell and throw things at him without any reason. Jamie loves him. Truly loves him.
Yet Ianto can't help feeling the cutting string of guilt looping itself around his chest, constricting it more with each passing day, each added betrayal. Jamie is good for him yet Ianto can't open up. Won't stop hurting him. No matter which path he chooses it's ultimately going to be the wrong one. No matter what he does it won't be right. Ianto can't go back, he can't move on, there's no way out and this knowledge is piercing his throat
Fill Me, Spill Me, Kill Me
Each step Jack takes, takes him deeper into this long, gaping hole of longing. Each step burns deeper into his stomach. All he can do now is falling. And Jack falls through his strange void of happenstance, crashing against each YES, NO, and FUCK YOU as if they were rocks. Each one there, each one massive and each one of them leaving back marks on his skin, Jack takes each of them as it comes, unable to blame anyone but himself for circumstances as they are.
Jack simply smiles this smile nobody seems to get, not even Ianto but that doesn't matter, does it? Jack gazes down at the sleeping man in the bed and content with the knowledge of what he did, what he managed to achieve. Ianto even smells the same. Jack brushes a kiss over Ianto's forehead and reaches out only to pull his hand back in the same instant.
He shouldn't be here and Ianto shouldn't be either.
This is going all wrong but Jack can't bring himself to take a different direction, he only falls deeper through the void, knowing that rock bottom might be the only thing capable of tearing down the cracking facade of Captain Jack Harkness for good. Jack says his silent goodbyes, takes the next step and feels strangely alive.
Heading Home
One week passes without as much as a notice. Day for day and hour after hour Ianto catches himself checking his mobile for a short text, a caller ID, anything. At one lunch break Ianto simply starts walking. He can't really tell where he is heading. He can't even tell why he keeps walking. All he does is wandering, unconsciously waiting for this familiar flicker of blue without being able to detect it.
He walks until dawn and stops, thinking of home. His feet start moving on their own conduct. Ianto doesn't even notice where they are heading before he is there. He rents the same room they always use, crawls under his duvet and closes his eyes, dreaming of home.
The next morning Jack is standing at the threshold.
Neither one says a word.
Broken
Jack is drenched from head to toe when Ianto finds him.
His back is turned towards Ianto but he doesn't have to be a mind reader to know that Jack is crying. He didn't move even one muscle during the ceremony and hasn't moved ever since according to Rhys. He doesn't move when Ianto joins him at the grave. He doesn't say a word when Ianto lays his flowers down.
Somehow Ianto's jacket sleeve must have gotten caught in Jack's coat in the process because Jack is holding Ianto's arm. Jack still doesn't look at Ianto yet Ianto stays, wondering what it must feel like to lose a grandson.
Jack closes his eyes when Ianto gives him a kiss. Jack parts his lips when the kiss grows deeper and he won't let go of Ianto on that night.
Keep Breathing
Jack wraps himself tighter around Ianto's sleeping body, breathing in everything Ianto and feeling his heartbeat under his palms. Thadump. Thadump. Thadump. Jack closes his eyes, letting the soothing rhythm overtake the throbbing ache in his stomach. He takes a deep breath, feeling strangely frail despite his attested unbreakability. If it helped he would never let go again, if he knew it would keep the world he tried to protect at least a tiny bit safer if he threw himself into a tank of liquid concrete, he would do it but Steven is already gone and his death suffocates Jack, ever so slowly. It's his fault. Always his fault. He didn't suspect and then it was too late. Jack buries his face in Ianto's back. Thadump. Thadump. Thadump. What was the whole pain good for if it all ultimately has to end the same way? He remembers the Doctor's face and the sting burns even deeper with the knowledge that it still was in vain.
Turn To Stone
Ianto lays down the flowers while Jack says a silent prayer he doesn't recognize. Afterwards both walk side by side in silence. Jack's heart makes a violent leap when they suddenly cross his way but before anything is said Ianto takes Jack's hand. The other man simply smiles and returns Ianto's nod before he and the man on his side move on.
Both walk hand in hand until they arrive in the hotel room. Jack holds him back when Ianto tries to unlace their fingers, just gives Ianto's hand an asking squeeze but Ianto only shakes his head and smiles that wistful smile Jack doesn't like. Jack kisses first each knuckle, one by one, Ianto's forehead and then his lips, leaning his forehead against Ianto's afterwards, waiting.The only reply he gets is a whispered "I know."
Later that night he lays his arms around Jack's waist and wishes him a Happy Easter and Jack, not noticing the tears on his face, smiles.
Gah! I just remembered that I can't post my fics to comms in my current situation. Would someone help me? *puppy eyes* I offers a custom icon for your assistance.
Also @wynkat1313, did you get my tw_lucky_7 fic 2 days ago? My proxy is dead and I have problems to access my twitter at the moment x3
I WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY EASTER HOLIDAY! This entry was originally posted at http://wykling.dreamwidth.org/32349.html. Please comment there using OpenID.