A Bad Day
Title: A Bad Day
Characters: mainly Tosh with a dash of Tosh/Owen
Summary: Tosh had a really bad day
Word Count: ~540ish
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: angst
Spoilers: none really but set somewhere between S1 and S2
Disclaimer: Torchwood doesn't belong to me, I don't get money for any of this.
Author's notes: Written for the wonderful and always supportive morgia who requested an angsty fic for Tosh at my drabble!meme. Yep, I know, not all angsty but I hope this covers your request anyway hun *hugs*
More staggering than walking she stumbles into the darkness of her empty flat. She doesn't care about the chilly air engulfing her limbs, the stale stench of loneliness creeping up on her or the abandon dusting away on the shelves. Not while she feels this big stain of failure clinging to her like dirt, like death...
Julie Walker, 23, student, only daughter, deceased
Jonathan Lemp, 32, lawyer, married, two kids, deceased
Gregory Moran, 27, Temp, elder brother and beloved son, deceased
One second... Failure, crawling up her trembling body, soaking through her skin, invading her system until nothing is left but hopelessness in the face of a cruel world where crushing humans like ants with an alien artefact is nothing but fun to a couple of seriously disturbed and bored people with no other objective than feeling all powerful and having 'fun'. She could have saved them.
Her feet barely carry her to the bathroom as this horrible nausea overcomes her again. But she hesitated.
This strange sickness a part deep down in her has been holding ever since she had the ability to glimpse into other people's minds.
It feels wrong, all wrong and this question keeps nagging on her: Is it all worth it?
People die. Killed, forgotten, neglected, beaten, abandoned, 'put out', rectified.
He would have pulled the trigger.
Statistically spoken three people make no big difference.
He wouldn't have hesitated for even the fraction of a moment
Statistically spoken at least one child was born each at their exact moments of death.
Jack would have saved those people.
Statistically spoken it doesn't really matter.
But Jack is not here...
Tosh cries. She can't tell when it started or why she is really crying. Loneliness, loss of hope, loss of faith?
All she tastes are tears. Tears she swallowed when she arrested the culprits, tears she held back when she watched Owen examining the remains of the victims, tears she bit back when she wrote the reports, tears she showed nobody up until this moment... Now they choke her, between sobs, moments of apathy and this intense pain of guilt rippling through her insides.
Tosh cries. Even when she hears those footsteps. The tears keep flowing. Even if she hears the door to her bedroom shutting. Clouding her sight. Tosh's face stays hidden behind a wall of arms despite her being aware of the other person standing beside her. Tosh sobs. A hand is placed on her shoulder. Tosh shakes her head. The hand slips down her left arm until she feels the other body against hers. Tosh can't raise her head. The hand reaches up, caressing her hair. The tears won't stop flowing but the hand keeps moving. Owen understands. He just keeps holding her, wordlessly, until there are no tears left to cry and all the time he doesn't let go even when sleep gets hold of him. With a strained neck due to their awkward holding/sitting-situation and listening to his undoubtedly annoying snores Tosh falls asleep, for the first time in days.
Owen is still holding her when she wakes up. He doesn't ask any questions and simply gets up with a short nod. It is this moment when he turns away that Tosh finally moves. None of them says a word but Owen stays.
Righties, my bunnies demanded a change from the massive Janto stuff I wrote lately so here comes Tosh!
I don't know why but on second re-read this kind of feels like the prologue to the next 'Flickering Lights' - fic I'm still working on. Let's hope this means that the bunnies are returning. Anyway, feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome <3
Follow the bunnies-tag if you are interested in the other fics I wrote for this meme.
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Characters: mainly Tosh with a dash of Tosh/Owen
Summary: Tosh had a really bad day
Word Count: ~540ish
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: angst
Spoilers: none really but set somewhere between S1 and S2
Disclaimer: Torchwood doesn't belong to me, I don't get money for any of this.
Author's notes: Written for the wonderful and always supportive morgia who requested an angsty fic for Tosh at my drabble!meme. Yep, I know, not all angsty but I hope this covers your request anyway hun *hugs*
More staggering than walking she stumbles into the darkness of her empty flat. She doesn't care about the chilly air engulfing her limbs, the stale stench of loneliness creeping up on her or the abandon dusting away on the shelves. Not while she feels this big stain of failure clinging to her like dirt, like death...
Julie Walker, 23, student, only daughter, deceased
Jonathan Lemp, 32, lawyer, married, two kids, deceased
Gregory Moran, 27, Temp, elder brother and beloved son, deceased
One second... Failure, crawling up her trembling body, soaking through her skin, invading her system until nothing is left but hopelessness in the face of a cruel world where crushing humans like ants with an alien artefact is nothing but fun to a couple of seriously disturbed and bored people with no other objective than feeling all powerful and having 'fun'. She could have saved them.
Her feet barely carry her to the bathroom as this horrible nausea overcomes her again. But she hesitated.
This strange sickness a part deep down in her has been holding ever since she had the ability to glimpse into other people's minds.
It feels wrong, all wrong and this question keeps nagging on her: Is it all worth it?
People die. Killed, forgotten, neglected, beaten, abandoned, 'put out', rectified.
He would have pulled the trigger.
Statistically spoken three people make no big difference.
He wouldn't have hesitated for even the fraction of a moment
Statistically spoken at least one child was born each at their exact moments of death.
Jack would have saved those people.
Statistically spoken it doesn't really matter.
But Jack is not here...
Tosh cries. She can't tell when it started or why she is really crying. Loneliness, loss of hope, loss of faith?
All she tastes are tears. Tears she swallowed when she arrested the culprits, tears she held back when she watched Owen examining the remains of the victims, tears she bit back when she wrote the reports, tears she showed nobody up until this moment... Now they choke her, between sobs, moments of apathy and this intense pain of guilt rippling through her insides.
Tosh cries. Even when she hears those footsteps. The tears keep flowing. Even if she hears the door to her bedroom shutting. Clouding her sight. Tosh's face stays hidden behind a wall of arms despite her being aware of the other person standing beside her. Tosh sobs. A hand is placed on her shoulder. Tosh shakes her head. The hand slips down her left arm until she feels the other body against hers. Tosh can't raise her head. The hand reaches up, caressing her hair. The tears won't stop flowing but the hand keeps moving. Owen understands. He just keeps holding her, wordlessly, until there are no tears left to cry and all the time he doesn't let go even when sleep gets hold of him. With a strained neck due to their awkward holding/sitting-situation and listening to his undoubtedly annoying snores Tosh falls asleep, for the first time in days.
Owen is still holding her when she wakes up. He doesn't ask any questions and simply gets up with a short nod. It is this moment when he turns away that Tosh finally moves. None of them says a word but Owen stays.
Righties, my bunnies demanded a change from the massive Janto stuff I wrote lately so here comes Tosh!
I don't know why but on second re-read this kind of feels like the prologue to the next 'Flickering Lights' - fic I'm still working on. Let's hope this means that the bunnies are returning. Anyway, feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome <3
Follow the bunnies-tag if you are interested in the other fics I wrote for this meme.
free hit counters