Ways to Get the Job You Want - Take 4
Title: Ways to Get the Job You Want - Take 4
Characters: Ianto, Myfanwy
Description: Ianto tells the story of how he got his job from a rather humorous point of view
Summary: Ianto tries to catch a pterodactyl
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 2x12 Fragments(Ianto-sequence)
Disclaimer: Torchwood belongs not to me but RTD and the BBC, I don't get money for any of this.
Author's notes: Ooh, I so knew this would get a life on its own again. Ianto proved to be a chatterbox and simply had to tell his dino-catching story. Ok, the newly estimated take-total should be 6 now but I can't guarantee for anything. Depends all on my bunnies and they're pretty jumpy lately.
So Plan A and C failed and with every passing minute Plan B started to look better and better to me until Plan E: big fat pterodactyl flapped right into my life.
I want to make clear at this point that this is just a phrase and that Myfanwy is not fat at all, she is a well trained lady...and she is that pterodactyl of course. Why Myfanwy? I have no idea. But… it kind of fits her.
Anyway, before even thinking of a name for my big dinosaur-friend I had to lure her into a warehouse.
For her own safety, for that of the populace and for the sake of finally getting the job.
What did worry me a little to be true was my own safety even if I was willing to give it my all...
You just don't want to end up as dino-food; it has something to do with survival instinct and stuff.
So...task 1: luring.
I had no idea what to use in order to lure this dinosaur and I had no time to Google what they were supposed to eat.
Why so?
Because I had to catch her as fast as possible before she got noticed by Jack and his team. So I drove off to the next Tesco's, bought twenty pounds of steak, twenty pounds of fish and two bars of dark chocolate...which were for myself... and my better concentration.
Sooo, prepared with nothing else than meat, fish and a shiny belt…
Errm… yes… concerning that…
I just came back from Plan D which consisted of surprising the captain at unguarded and completely unexpected moments with a hot cup of coffee. Not as easy as you think…and not as nearly as successful as I might have allowed myself to hope for… And I was still wearing my infamous outfit when the rift activity locator spotted Myfanwy.
Anyway, prepared with nothing more than meat, fish and a figure-hugging outfit I stood in an old quarry waving food at a pteranodon which circled over me in a way which made very clear that she was still undecided whether to go for me or the offered food.
As Myfanwy showed no further signs of interest in the broad variety of fish and meat I had spread right next to me I decided to accelerate the whole business by giving her some free samples.
Nooow getting the fish up to her wasn’t so much of a problem. Some hand-spitting and rotational directed muscle work later a tuna steak rapidly accelerated into her overall direction; that was the easy bit. What I forgot to put in mind was the physical effect great - and I mean really great - masses like earth tend to have on much smaller masses like me or in this case: the tuna steak which accelerated said steak negatively back into my direction.
I do like fish, usually, but one pound of tuna steak smacking back into your - I have to say - pretty astonished face is quite something that tends to put you off fish for quite a while. Thankfully I didn’t try to throw the two pound rib-steak first, ‘cause that would have definitely put me off meat for once and forever.
After forty minutes of jumping and bouncing around I decided that my legs needed a rest and when I finally sat down and gazed up at my unwilling trump I realized that my brain needed the break too. I don’t know how to put my exact feelings of that moment into words but I can try…
Do you know this feeling when you got really, I mean really pissed the night before? Now multiply this feeling with ten and imagine yourself now in the biggest bloody rollercoaster you have ever seen. Add ten rounds to the bill and the smell of forty pounds of slowly decaying animal under the midday sun and you’re still not even close enough…
Like I said, it’s a tricky one.
Not that I let myself be intimidated by the sudden gravitational pull on my brains, absolutely not.
I lay proudly on the ground and desperately tried to ignore the rubble which was sticking itself into my back.
Damn gravity!
Watching this giant mass of flesh and muscle defying the rules of exactly this gravity while some stone poked itself into my ass was -admittedly- quite upsetting. For a moment I considered to blind it with my shiny belt buckle…
It may have even worked…
But then I remembered the effect of certain spoon baits on certain fish… and birds… and… oh sod it!
I was not going to end up as pterodactyl digestive and no matter in what tongues my brain would scream at me, I would scream louder! And with lots of will-power and even more groaning I somehow managed to sit up.
That wasn’t bad for a try; at least one half of me was now vertically off the ground and I was determined to let the other half follow as soon as the roaring grumble in my stomach stopped. Oh yes, my bladder is not the only organ in my body with the ability to roar and annoy the hell out of me but super-nanny taught me how to handle that: just send them into the naughty-corner, show them some attention from time to time and voila - you’ll feel as new in no time!
The attention-bit was always where I stumbled, especially over the course of the previous weeks but my body told me to eat so I had no other choice than to take a deep breath and to reach for the paper bag with pies I bought at Tesco’s.
Now, remembering the previously mentioned stench and the heat nobody can blame me for not really being in the mood for meat even though I deliberately moved a little aside - or frankly spoken: crawled a few feet away - so I wasn’t hit by it on full force. My stomach positively agreed with me in my decision and I put the pie back into the bag. Instead I reached for the chocolate in my pockets, broke a large bit off and couldn’t help a satisfied groan when I put it into my mouth.
The satisfaction that uses to occur when starved people finally get the chance enter some sugar into their low-carb’d blood circulation was in fact so overwhelming that I didn’t immediately notice the giant mass of dinosaur flapping right into my direction.
I was…
Let’s say slightly unsettled by this new turn of events…
“Aaaaargh!”
Good thing I kept my calm.
And then Myfanwy stole my chocolate.
…well ok, I threw the wrapped out bar away in horror while I tried to assume a foetal/airplane/safety (yeah right) - position which clearly signalled ‘Don’t eat me please’.
Hey, I'm just human after all.
Not that this ever works, but oh well, you can’t be really picky in these kinds of situations and doing at least something often helps you to feel more comfortable about yourself… not that complacency would be of any use to you when everything comes down to eat or being eaten… and for the record: giant beak and more than one hundred kilos worth of flesh and muscles always beat primate teeth and seventy kilos of horrified human.
What clearly doesn’t help is when you smell like fish thanks to a one pound-tuna steak which happened to land in your face but what certainly does help is when your supposed predator shows more interest in your food than in you.
So much to eating, hmpf.
After recomposing myself a little, speak doing a five-seconds-happy-survival-dance routine including a joyful ‘Whoop’ I tried to put a little theory into test: I unwrapped the other bar of chocolate, took a bite and used this bar to wave at Myfanwy. First she circled me for a while which was enough to let me doubt my theory and allowed me to feel stupid for waving at a dinosaur with chocolate… and then she pulled the same stunt again clearly hoping I would make it as easy for her as I did the last time - yep my girl is pretty intelligent - but this time I didn’t let go of the bar and she finally landed.
Ok, now I knew that she just followed the rule every tourist should follow abroad: only eat if you know it’s safe...
Or rather: you saw someone eating the same thing without collapsing immediately afterwards. I have to admit, this rule won’t save you from weird ingredients but you won’t die of food poisoning either and - oh well - as long as you don’t exactly know what you have eaten it’s fine to just have something that fills your stomach nicely... and Myfanwy must have been starving.
Now I had to check whether she just liked the chocolate - who could blame her for that - or whether it applied for everything I took a bite from. I took one of the pies, fought my inner revulsion, took a carefully measured bite and threw it towards her. You can’t tell how relieved I was when she caught it with her beak and ate it. Just imagine it hadn’t worked. Ever tried to bite into a raw steak? Exactly.
Task number two: sedating
Anyway, I took the other pie out, took a bite, pressed three alien-sleeping pills I brought from Torchwood London into it and threw it to her. My spiked pie must have had an appetizing effect our pteranodon because now she turned towards my original bait. She did eat almost twenty pounds worth of fish and meat before the pills kicked in and she finally fell asleep.
I won’t get into detail about getting her into the car. Just say…it was messy… and smelly because of the remaining ten pounds of slowly decaying meat and fish… I really have no idea why I’m not vegetarian by now.
Due to some local knowledge and lots of luck I found a deserted but still intact Warehouse in the outskirts of Cardiff and deposited Myfanwy and the remaining food in there. After that I drove to the next resting place, aired the lent car and got a big fruit salad and three chocolate croissants in the motorway restaurant. Then I threw up…frigging nerves.
It would take her some time to wake up and finish the stuff I left her….
Covert operation rule no.1: Never leave any traces behind
…whoops…
Fine, at least this gave me some time to get changed - there was no way I would stay in these sticky and smelly clothes - and to plan my next steps. Fine with me, I never liked this outfit anyway.
Take 5
Sooo, I hope you liked it^^
Feedback would be, as always, very welcome :3
Characters: Ianto, Myfanwy
Description: Ianto tells the story of how he got his job from a rather humorous point of view
Summary: Ianto tries to catch a pterodactyl
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 2x12 Fragments(Ianto-sequence)
Disclaimer: Torchwood belongs not to me but RTD and the BBC, I don't get money for any of this.
Author's notes: Ooh, I so knew this would get a life on its own again. Ianto proved to be a chatterbox and simply had to tell his dino-catching story. Ok, the newly estimated take-total should be 6 now but I can't guarantee for anything. Depends all on my bunnies and they're pretty jumpy lately.
So Plan A and C failed and with every passing minute Plan B started to look better and better to me until Plan E: big fat pterodactyl flapped right into my life.
I want to make clear at this point that this is just a phrase and that Myfanwy is not fat at all, she is a well trained lady...and she is that pterodactyl of course. Why Myfanwy? I have no idea. But… it kind of fits her.
Anyway, before even thinking of a name for my big dinosaur-friend I had to lure her into a warehouse.
For her own safety, for that of the populace and for the sake of finally getting the job.
What did worry me a little to be true was my own safety even if I was willing to give it my all...
You just don't want to end up as dino-food; it has something to do with survival instinct and stuff.
So...task 1: luring.
I had no idea what to use in order to lure this dinosaur and I had no time to Google what they were supposed to eat.
Why so?
Because I had to catch her as fast as possible before she got noticed by Jack and his team. So I drove off to the next Tesco's, bought twenty pounds of steak, twenty pounds of fish and two bars of dark chocolate...which were for myself... and my better concentration.
Sooo, prepared with nothing else than meat, fish and a shiny belt…
Errm… yes… concerning that…
I just came back from Plan D which consisted of surprising the captain at unguarded and completely unexpected moments with a hot cup of coffee. Not as easy as you think…and not as nearly as successful as I might have allowed myself to hope for… And I was still wearing my infamous outfit when the rift activity locator spotted Myfanwy.
Anyway, prepared with nothing more than meat, fish and a figure-hugging outfit I stood in an old quarry waving food at a pteranodon which circled over me in a way which made very clear that she was still undecided whether to go for me or the offered food.
As Myfanwy showed no further signs of interest in the broad variety of fish and meat I had spread right next to me I decided to accelerate the whole business by giving her some free samples.
Nooow getting the fish up to her wasn’t so much of a problem. Some hand-spitting and rotational directed muscle work later a tuna steak rapidly accelerated into her overall direction; that was the easy bit. What I forgot to put in mind was the physical effect great - and I mean really great - masses like earth tend to have on much smaller masses like me or in this case: the tuna steak which accelerated said steak negatively back into my direction.
I do like fish, usually, but one pound of tuna steak smacking back into your - I have to say - pretty astonished face is quite something that tends to put you off fish for quite a while. Thankfully I didn’t try to throw the two pound rib-steak first, ‘cause that would have definitely put me off meat for once and forever.
After forty minutes of jumping and bouncing around I decided that my legs needed a rest and when I finally sat down and gazed up at my unwilling trump I realized that my brain needed the break too. I don’t know how to put my exact feelings of that moment into words but I can try…
Do you know this feeling when you got really, I mean really pissed the night before? Now multiply this feeling with ten and imagine yourself now in the biggest bloody rollercoaster you have ever seen. Add ten rounds to the bill and the smell of forty pounds of slowly decaying animal under the midday sun and you’re still not even close enough…
Like I said, it’s a tricky one.
Not that I let myself be intimidated by the sudden gravitational pull on my brains, absolutely not.
I lay proudly on the ground and desperately tried to ignore the rubble which was sticking itself into my back.
Damn gravity!
Watching this giant mass of flesh and muscle defying the rules of exactly this gravity while some stone poked itself into my ass was -admittedly- quite upsetting. For a moment I considered to blind it with my shiny belt buckle…
It may have even worked…
But then I remembered the effect of certain spoon baits on certain fish… and birds… and… oh sod it!
I was not going to end up as pterodactyl digestive and no matter in what tongues my brain would scream at me, I would scream louder! And with lots of will-power and even more groaning I somehow managed to sit up.
That wasn’t bad for a try; at least one half of me was now vertically off the ground and I was determined to let the other half follow as soon as the roaring grumble in my stomach stopped. Oh yes, my bladder is not the only organ in my body with the ability to roar and annoy the hell out of me but super-nanny taught me how to handle that: just send them into the naughty-corner, show them some attention from time to time and voila - you’ll feel as new in no time!
The attention-bit was always where I stumbled, especially over the course of the previous weeks but my body told me to eat so I had no other choice than to take a deep breath and to reach for the paper bag with pies I bought at Tesco’s.
Now, remembering the previously mentioned stench and the heat nobody can blame me for not really being in the mood for meat even though I deliberately moved a little aside - or frankly spoken: crawled a few feet away - so I wasn’t hit by it on full force. My stomach positively agreed with me in my decision and I put the pie back into the bag. Instead I reached for the chocolate in my pockets, broke a large bit off and couldn’t help a satisfied groan when I put it into my mouth.
The satisfaction that uses to occur when starved people finally get the chance enter some sugar into their low-carb’d blood circulation was in fact so overwhelming that I didn’t immediately notice the giant mass of dinosaur flapping right into my direction.
I was…
Let’s say slightly unsettled by this new turn of events…
“Aaaaargh!”
Good thing I kept my calm.
And then Myfanwy stole my chocolate.
…well ok, I threw the wrapped out bar away in horror while I tried to assume a foetal/airplane/safety (yeah right) - position which clearly signalled ‘Don’t eat me please’.
Hey, I'm just human after all.
Not that this ever works, but oh well, you can’t be really picky in these kinds of situations and doing at least something often helps you to feel more comfortable about yourself… not that complacency would be of any use to you when everything comes down to eat or being eaten… and for the record: giant beak and more than one hundred kilos worth of flesh and muscles always beat primate teeth and seventy kilos of horrified human.
What clearly doesn’t help is when you smell like fish thanks to a one pound-tuna steak which happened to land in your face but what certainly does help is when your supposed predator shows more interest in your food than in you.
So much to eating, hmpf.
After recomposing myself a little, speak doing a five-seconds-happy-survival-dance routine including a joyful ‘Whoop’ I tried to put a little theory into test: I unwrapped the other bar of chocolate, took a bite and used this bar to wave at Myfanwy. First she circled me for a while which was enough to let me doubt my theory and allowed me to feel stupid for waving at a dinosaur with chocolate… and then she pulled the same stunt again clearly hoping I would make it as easy for her as I did the last time - yep my girl is pretty intelligent - but this time I didn’t let go of the bar and she finally landed.
Ok, now I knew that she just followed the rule every tourist should follow abroad: only eat if you know it’s safe...
Or rather: you saw someone eating the same thing without collapsing immediately afterwards. I have to admit, this rule won’t save you from weird ingredients but you won’t die of food poisoning either and - oh well - as long as you don’t exactly know what you have eaten it’s fine to just have something that fills your stomach nicely... and Myfanwy must have been starving.
Now I had to check whether she just liked the chocolate - who could blame her for that - or whether it applied for everything I took a bite from. I took one of the pies, fought my inner revulsion, took a carefully measured bite and threw it towards her. You can’t tell how relieved I was when she caught it with her beak and ate it. Just imagine it hadn’t worked. Ever tried to bite into a raw steak? Exactly.
Task number two: sedating
Anyway, I took the other pie out, took a bite, pressed three alien-sleeping pills I brought from Torchwood London into it and threw it to her. My spiked pie must have had an appetizing effect our pteranodon because now she turned towards my original bait. She did eat almost twenty pounds worth of fish and meat before the pills kicked in and she finally fell asleep.
I won’t get into detail about getting her into the car. Just say…it was messy… and smelly because of the remaining ten pounds of slowly decaying meat and fish… I really have no idea why I’m not vegetarian by now.
Due to some local knowledge and lots of luck I found a deserted but still intact Warehouse in the outskirts of Cardiff and deposited Myfanwy and the remaining food in there. After that I drove to the next resting place, aired the lent car and got a big fruit salad and three chocolate croissants in the motorway restaurant. Then I threw up…frigging nerves.
It would take her some time to wake up and finish the stuff I left her….
Covert operation rule no.1: Never leave any traces behind
…whoops…
Fine, at least this gave me some time to get changed - there was no way I would stay in these sticky and smelly clothes - and to plan my next steps. Fine with me, I never liked this outfit anyway.
Take 5
Sooo, I hope you liked it^^
Feedback would be, as always, very welcome :3