(no subject)

[wwomanonfire]

so i am feeling really overwhelmed today
that always happens when you have not been in the office for a day or two
they should rename jobs - if you are the director you should be called a mediator or a pacifier - cuz thats what you do all fucking day anyways
how can i hate my job one minute and then next realize how lucky i am

and now i am off to therapy
i never want to go
but am happy afterwards
i also feel like a failure sometimes
we talk about these things that i can do to help myself out of this hole
and when i see him
i have not really done anything
he doesnt make me feel bad
i do - i am my worst critic

the dr's said okay to dads surgery
what the fuck
how many times do i have to lose a piece of my dad
every time he goes under he comes out different
or he comes out all fucked up because of the pain meds
i dont know if i can handle another visit to see him in the hospital
only to be yelled at, told that i am horrible to him
last time the nurse broke confidentiality
because she saw me walk up to her in tears
at least she still had a heart

gotta go get my head shrunk