Going Through The Changes...
It was a summer saturated with changes. My attempts at salvaging a soured relationship failed miserably as expected. I moved into a new apartment that doesn't quite feel like mine yet. I crashed my car and bought a new one in the same day. 19 credit hours will soon fill my life to the top, leaving little room for anything else. Change is hard, but always necessary.
I went home to Gainesville for a few weeks before Fall semester began. After only a few days i was already anxious and restless. Eager to return to Tallahassee and jump back into some kind of routine, i arranged plans to make an early arrival. Eduardo greeted me at his door -- drunk and high. Annoyed and dissapointed, i dragged myself into his house with my bag of clothes for the weekend. We had been broken up for a month, but i felt like the weekend together would be an opportunity to really work things out. Instead, i was bombarded with a different person. He had morphed into someone else and lost all appeal. The way he spoke to me made me feel disrepected. He talked about our relationship as if it meant nothing to him at all. He critized my appearence in worse ways than a grocery store tabloid. In a matter of weeks, he became a hardcore partier, sexually charged, drug using, egotistical, child. For the first time i was able to look him in the eye and not have any doubt that he is completely wrong for me. I felt sorry for him, but not guilty about walking out the door having kept my dignity -- He gave all of his away. I avoid him like the plauge. I used to be in love with a different person; not the person he is today. I hope that someday he will grow into maturity and finally be content with settling into this life. Unfortunately, until then, he will continue to be wreckless with love and the feelings of others. I miss him. I will always love him. But, the man i once loved is dead to me now.
My parents came and helped me move into this apartment. I did my best to make it look comfortable and relaxing. However, i moved into a place that has already been occupied by my two new roomates for the past year. Its something i have to get used to, but it just doesn't feel like home yet.
My first day of fall semester brought an exepected accident. Monday morning there was a heavy thunderstorm and the roads were slick with oil and rainwater. The truck in front of me stopped suddenly, i slammed on the breaks but the tires locked and the car kept moving. I clinched onto the steering wheel prepared myself to hit the truck. The front end of my car was suddenly crunched all the way to the windshield. Luckily, no one was hurt and his truck suffered no damage at all. I will miss that car -- we went through so much together. However, i was fortunately able to purchase a new car. I love it -- its exactly what i need. Plus, after many years of suffering without AC during long hot summers, i am finally able to enjoy a cool interior. Luxury...
In order to succeed in my one goal this year -- which is to get the fuck out of this town -- i am now registered for 19 credit hours. (aka: social sucide) Even the dean told me that he thinks i might be crazy, but i have to do what i have to do! This will be the most academically intense semester of my life. School will leave no room for distractions. I keep telling myself that i CAN do this, but to be honest...i'm not really sure. I spent tons of money at office max in an attempt to get myself organized and ready for this semester. Organization will be crucial.
I am ready for whatever.... bring it on.
I went home to Gainesville for a few weeks before Fall semester began. After only a few days i was already anxious and restless. Eager to return to Tallahassee and jump back into some kind of routine, i arranged plans to make an early arrival. Eduardo greeted me at his door -- drunk and high. Annoyed and dissapointed, i dragged myself into his house with my bag of clothes for the weekend. We had been broken up for a month, but i felt like the weekend together would be an opportunity to really work things out. Instead, i was bombarded with a different person. He had morphed into someone else and lost all appeal. The way he spoke to me made me feel disrepected. He talked about our relationship as if it meant nothing to him at all. He critized my appearence in worse ways than a grocery store tabloid. In a matter of weeks, he became a hardcore partier, sexually charged, drug using, egotistical, child. For the first time i was able to look him in the eye and not have any doubt that he is completely wrong for me. I felt sorry for him, but not guilty about walking out the door having kept my dignity -- He gave all of his away. I avoid him like the plauge. I used to be in love with a different person; not the person he is today. I hope that someday he will grow into maturity and finally be content with settling into this life. Unfortunately, until then, he will continue to be wreckless with love and the feelings of others. I miss him. I will always love him. But, the man i once loved is dead to me now.
My parents came and helped me move into this apartment. I did my best to make it look comfortable and relaxing. However, i moved into a place that has already been occupied by my two new roomates for the past year. Its something i have to get used to, but it just doesn't feel like home yet.
My first day of fall semester brought an exepected accident. Monday morning there was a heavy thunderstorm and the roads were slick with oil and rainwater. The truck in front of me stopped suddenly, i slammed on the breaks but the tires locked and the car kept moving. I clinched onto the steering wheel prepared myself to hit the truck. The front end of my car was suddenly crunched all the way to the windshield. Luckily, no one was hurt and his truck suffered no damage at all. I will miss that car -- we went through so much together. However, i was fortunately able to purchase a new car. I love it -- its exactly what i need. Plus, after many years of suffering without AC during long hot summers, i am finally able to enjoy a cool interior. Luxury...
In order to succeed in my one goal this year -- which is to get the fuck out of this town -- i am now registered for 19 credit hours. (aka: social sucide) Even the dean told me that he thinks i might be crazy, but i have to do what i have to do! This will be the most academically intense semester of my life. School will leave no room for distractions. I keep telling myself that i CAN do this, but to be honest...i'm not really sure. I spent tons of money at office max in an attempt to get myself organized and ready for this semester. Organization will be crucial.
I am ready for whatever.... bring it on.