Mmmm....barn owl.
There is a furniture chain here whose slogan is "YOU HAVE AN UNCLE IN THE FURNITURE BUSINESS". It's in so many jingles that no one here thinks it's the slightest bit strange, but to me it sounds like the kind of code-phrase swapped by Russian agents in the 80s.
"You have an uncle in the furniture business."
"But the Moscow branch no longer makes deliveries."
Also, round the corner from where I'm staying is a theatre called LABIA. I went past it with an interviewee earlier, and my brain spent about five minutes putting together possible jokes - something about the red curtain going up, or... - and then I suddenly realised I'd missed half the interview.
It wasn't till I got here, and saw the sun setting behind the bay, and Table Mountain covered in purple clouds, that I realised how much I'd hated Johannesburg. It's unusual for me, because I normally like big crazy cities, but Jozi is just a horrible place, with its endless strip malls and electric fences. I'm so pleased I didn't accept that job here. It's centreless, a huge mass of security gates and traffic lights. By the way, they call traffic lights "robots" in South Africa. And roundabouts are "circles". Asking for directions here is like listening to a poorly-thought-out science-fiction story.
However, the food is pretty good. For lunch I had something called a bunny chow, which is half a loaf of bread with the middle hollowed out and a load of curry poured in. Gotta love that. For dinner I had grilled kingklip. This is a fish I'd never heard of before; halfway through my meal I suddenly came across it in my guidebook. "It says here," I said to my waitress (here they use the genderless term waitron), "that this is an endangered species."
"Oh, don't worry," she said. "It's only on the orange list. You still have a few more meals to go."
Oh well, I thought. Who'll miss the kingklip? No one even knows it exists.