Guns, Not Butter
My beloved underrated little gem! This episode is delightful and very underrated. I've also been bashing Donna a lot in the last bunch of picspams but nothing but love here for her. It's one of her best episodes.
Two very attractive Republican aides take Josh into the attractive Republican cloakroom but sadly for Josh, it's in no way dirty. Warring Harding is getting more play than Josh now that Amy left.
SENATOR'S STAFFER
What do you think?
JOSH
You guys use the same decorator as we do.
STAFFER
Damn it, Josh, I decorated the room.
JOSH
Hey, was Benjamin Harrison banned from here?
STAFFER
By Senate resolution 'cause he was lobbying too much. And Warren Harding's mistress was impregnated here.
JOSH
Prompting another resolution?
Anyway, they have bad news. The senator that they work for is changing their vote on foreign aid and the vote is close enough that it's a DEAL BREAKER (Liz Lemon). The Senator is being cowardly because of a commonly-cited poll through the episode.
JANE
Listen, a Liberty Foundation poll's about to come out...
JOSH
A poll!?
JANE
68% say we spend too much on foreign aid. 59% want foreign aid cut.
JOSH
What the hell do I care? These people are responding to...
JANE
Come on. They're responding to being overtaxed and then having that money sent to Burundi instead of the school their kids go to.
JOSH
Now you're for more education funding?
JANE
That's not the point.
JOSH
Of course foreign aid polls badly. The people it's helping aren't the ones answering the phone.
JANE
Or paying the taxes, or voting.
JOSH
The Senator just reached this conclusion when the Libery Foundation--
JANE
No, he's never liked it, and you know that and the poll gives him cover with the New York Times people.
JOSH
When you say the New York Times people, you're not talking about the people the who work there, are you?
JANE
No, look...
JOSH
You mean "people who can read?"
That's lame political cover with the stereotyped New York Times readers.
JOSH
I think this is crap. I think your boss has known about this poll for awhile and he's embarrassing the President at the eleventh hour because he spent too much time with his arm around the other guy.
JANE
We begged you to keep the President out of Colorado.
On the revelation that this is clearly political retribution and the President is one vote down on foreign aid, we head to CREDITS.
Jed, CJ, Charlie and assorted staffers are moving from a speech.
BARTLET
It's the curse of every daughter's father.
CHARLIE
Boyfriends?
BARTLET
I don't like them. I don't like them at all.
CHARLIE
Yes, I know sir.
BARTLET
What the hell happened with you two? It was perfect. I just kept you in the office all the time.
CHARLIE
Well, she was unhappy that I was at the office all the time.
BARTLET
That was the point. If I was trying to make her happy, I'd buy her a Cabriolet.
Now, it's CJ's turn.
BARTLET
C-Jean. Stable economies with free-flowing uranium don't make for a stable world community. Did I make that point?
C.J.
Absolutely.
BARTLET
Good. And is there a cow on my schedule today?
C.J.
It's called Heifer International. Don't worry about it.
BARTLET
I'm meeting with a cow. I shouldn't worry about it.
C.J.
It's a photo-op with a cow, sir. It's not a sit-down.
BARTLET
I like your sass.
C.J.
You got a very nice sass, yourself... sir.
BARTLET
What, are you touring?
C.J.
I could.
LOL. "C-Jean", "a photo op, not a sit down", "Are you touring"- the dialogue in this episode is golden. Anyway, Jed starts working the rope line. A woman desperately puts an envelope in Charlie's hands. CJ gets a phone call from Josh, informing her that they're a vote down on foreign aid.
Light blue is a very pretty color on Donna.
DONNA
This is a push poll.
JOSH
68% think we spend too much on foreign aid. 59% think it should be cut.
DONNA
I think this is a push poll.
JOSH
Respondents estimate foreign aid to be 15% of the federal budget. It's one percent of the federal budget. Or it was a half hour ago.
DONNA
Listen to this question: "The money that goes into foreign aid could be used to reduce the tax burden here at home. Do you support such a shift of funds?" That's not a push poll?
JOSH
Come here. I lose this vote... I'm resigning.
I love this episode and Josh in this episode but really? Josh would resign over this vote? I call bullshit.
Josh, Leo and a bunch of staffers strategize on how to win. They settle on bugging Grace Hardin, fraidy cat Democratic Senator of Georgia to vote with them even though foreign aid polls badly in Georgia. I find it a little annoying that they didn't even think of a Plan B. Josh starts the clock for the amount of time they have to lobby votes.
WILL
Yeah. You now, you get a pretty good aerobic workout talking to someone in this
building.
JOSH
I've heard the jokes. What do you need?
One of my favorite meta jokes in the history of television. Realistic, mocks a big conceit on the show and done subtly without a big "Look at how cute and precocious we are" to-do like most meta on television nowadays.
WILL
Okay, well, it's Will and I'm in a legislative section talking about bipartisan cooperation and because it was legislative, Toby wanted you involved.
JOSH
Boy, did you pick the wrong day to write about bipartisan cooperation.
WILL
If there's a better time...
JOSH
68% of respondents think we hand out too much in foreign aid, 59% think it should
be cut.
WILL
Were you talking to me just then?
JOSH
Read me what you got so far.
WILL
"The people, in their enduring wisdom, have put in office a Chief Executive of one party and a Congress of another. It's our duty to respect and enact..."
JOSH
Strike "in their enduring wisdom." You think electing a reactionary Congress and a progressive President was wise? The people, in a fog of uncertainty, unsure of the difference, split tickets across the country.
WILL
Well, I agree, but I think Toby would say that lacks poetry.
JOSH
68% say we hand out too much, 59% want to see it cut.
Will gets that Josh is in an irritable and unhelpful mood and skedaddles away.
Josh asks Donna to find Hardin and bless her, she accepts the challenge and also asks Josh about other Senators to come up with a back-up plan. Donna also does the supportive comfortador thing.
DONNA
You had two different strategies that were shouted down. You can't take the fall for this.
JOSH
My job is to execute the plays Leo calls. The rest doesn't matter.
DONNA
Were you serious before... about resigning?
JOSH
Are we looking for Hardin?!
DONNA
They're on it.
JEAN-PAUL
So, Charlie, uh... What you do is you sort the mail for Zoey's father.
CHARLIE
Yeah, I guess.
JEAN-PAUL
And you don't like me very much because I'm with Zoey.
CHARLIE
Jean Paul, I'm kind of working here.
Instead of hanging out his girlfriend or doing one of the billion things he can do as French royalty and famewhore celebrity, Jean Paul would rather stand around and watch Charlie work and have needless dick-measuring contests. This is actually a recurring theme where Jean Paul exhibits an uncharacteristic interest with talking with his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend and one of Jean Paul's "little people". I often got a vibe that Jean Paul was secretly crushing on Charlie. A lot of the time, Jean Paul seemed more interested in Charlie than Zoey.
It turns that Charlie's envelope was woman in the military petitioning for food stamps. Charlie asks for the letter, partly out of concern and partly to prove his importance to Jean Paul.
As always, just a spoonful of excellent snark helps the spin-medicine go down in CJ's press-room.
C.J.
The President wishes the Republican Leader would throw some money at problems right here, but doesn't wish to help the United States retreat from its role as a world leader. Foreign aid's been cut 50% in the last decade. In percentage of GNP spent, we rank not toward the bottom; we are the bottom, dead last. Mark.
REPORTER MARK
Was it a bad idea to make the first bill out of the second term such a controversial one?
C.J.
The President doesn't believe that for something this important, something like that should be taken into consideration. Steve?
REPORTER STEVE
A Democratic senator says that if this goes down it'll stall momentum on the rest--
C.J.
We're not responding to a blind quote; we're just assuming you made it up.
The reporters laugh.
C.J.
I'm not kidding. Thank you.
I adore how Allison Janney dead-pans that quote, making what should be obnoxious (the White House's desire to sidestep hard-hitting questions) into something something sympathetic and okay by sheer force of charm and the funny.
To renew an old tradition, Danny is hot on CJ's heels as she heads out of the press room to her office.
DANNY
Hey, off the record, what did the President say about Mosley's "halfway around the world"?
C.J.
He said, "Lord God, what a tool".
DANNY
That's what I figured.
C.J.
I'm a senior administration official. You can say several senior administration officials say the White House will have a good memory when the transportation bill comes up next year.
DANNY
You don't mind blind quotes so much when they're from you.
C.J.
No.
In another renewal of tradition, CJ plays the fuck out of him. Make him feel like he's in the know by providing a salacious inside comment off the record, of course, while turning him into an administration proxy by making him the catcher for well-placed administration leaks. CJ is so awesome.
Danny gives CJ a status-update on his pilot.
DANNY
His was named Jamil Bari, and the first thing you want to do is, you want to find out if Jamil Bari had any history of pilot error to see if that may have contributed to the crash. So my new assistant, Maisy, she found out that Jamil Bari got a certificate of qualification on the Gulfstream in 1994.
C.J.
Was that it?
DANNY
Yeah, that's it. That's all I've been able to find out so far. 'Cause we've been checking aviation schools, and we haven't been unable to find him. There are a lot of aviation schools, but we're going to check 'em all.
I don't know why he does this other than the dramatic necessity of filling the audience in on his progress. CJ is definitely not going to give him a comment here or anything useful. He's just giving CJ information so that if she was a) more in the know and b) more Machiavellian, she could figure out what pieces of the puzzle she has and perhaps cover up or hide other pieces based on his progress. That said, Danny's loose tongue is very much in character. He thinks in terms of impressing his crush more than keeping his cards closer to his vest.
C.J.
You know, I got to tell you, your tie goes with your shirt, and your jacket... you're dating a college graduate, aren't you?
DANNY
Maisy ain't never gonna find him, C.J. Jamil Bari is an invented identity for someone. It has to be. For this thing to have worked, the pilot had to be one of our guys.
C.J.
Yeah, I just meant it was a nice tie.
Aw, CJ is being petty and kind of bitchy here. Danny's disheveled appearance is way too easy of a target for CJ to pick on it and come as sympathetic here.
C.J.
What's up, Gail?
I often wonder if Sorkin would have gotten CJ and Danny together at the end. It's hard to think of Sorkin taking his characters out of the White House without a passive-aggressive cock-up (See Seaborn, Sam) because he was so attached to the "Bartleteer Family Lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Story". But stuff like CJ talking to Gail have an OTP feeling.
Jed gives an unintentionally hilarious speech.
BARTLET
We live in an interdependent world and we should act like it. We live in a global community and we should sustain it. We should cross borders. We should cross borders to build sustainable democracies that can banish privation and fear. And we should cross borders to bring food and medicine and roads and schools and teachers to parts of the world forgotten by all but the warlords. We're gonna pass this Foreign Ops bill. This should be a century of hope and prosperity everywhere. And America is going to lead the world and not just bully it. Thank you.
"America is going to lead the world and not just bully it". It's going to do both! ROTFL. Toby definitely wasn't on dangling modifier patrol there.
Jed travels with quite the entourage. Check out the line behind him. Everyone gets their turn.
BARTLET
What the hell is going on?
ZOEY
That was great, dad.
BARTLET
[to Zoey] Hey, thanks, Peach Patch. [to Leo] What the hell is going on?
LEO
Hardin's a yes if we can get her on the phone.
BARTLET
Which is why we can't get her on the phone?
LEO
She's been a little slippery, but this is where Josh eats.
BARTLET
We have many, many backup plans in the works? Josh has broken people into teams and
they're developing and executing rapid-response backup plans?
LEO
Yeah, okay.
Leo turns around and yells back at Toby.
LEO
Toby... we should probably have a backup plan.
BARTLET
Oh, my God.
LEO
A split second of humor injected in the middle of a stressful day, sir. Sounds to me like we're talking about the act of a friend.
As always, I feel sorry for Leo when he's dealing with Bartlet as his most imperious and drama king-esque. That said, I called the need for a back-up plan beyond tracking down and lobbying Hardin way up on the transcript. Get it together, man.
BARTLET
Please, my daughter's dating a kid who's better-looking than my wife. I have only so
much RAM to give over to-- C.J.!
You disloyal jackass! This makes you a gay man with bad taste because I even think that most self-respecting gay men would think that the gorgeous and nicely built Abbey is objectively better looking than scrawny, needs a haircut, shifty eyed Jean Paul.
C.J.
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I'm sorry, but once again, there's a cow?
C.J.
A photo-op with a cow.
BARTLET
Yeah, I got that part. It was...
C.J.
Heifer Internatinal, it's called. They give milking cows to poor families in developing nations.
BARTLET
And that's great. But a picture of me and a cow...
C.J.
I have my concerns, sir.
BARTLET
Why did you agree to it in the first place?
C.J.
Well, it's an organization worthy of...
BARTLET
Abbey set it up?
C.J.
I'll figure out a way to make the picture work, sir.
CJ and animal issues. What's up with that? From turkeys to goldfish to goats to wovles to Big Birds, animals are the coemdy of CJ's existance.
BARTLET
Well, good luck with that. Now turn around casually and tell me if Le Vicomte de Valvert has got his hands anywhere near anyone who's related to me.
CJ and Jed: One of the Best and Unlikely Buddy Movies Ever.
C.J.
That is a good-looking young man.
So Holy Night and Guns, Not Butter, back to back episodes, are the only two episodes that make "CJ is a Cougar" jokes and fandom has turned into a legit thing that I find very questionable in light of CJ's general character that tends to gravitate to maturity. (Yes, Ryan Pierce tries to ask CJ out but she's totally uninterested in his inappropriate, obsequious ass.)
BARTLET
Zoey!
ZOEY
I don't respond when you shout.
BARTLET
Yeah, I think you'd respond if I stopped feeding you!
ZOEY
Ignore him.
JEAN-PAUL
Oh, yes, I do.
This is when it's confirmed that Jean Paul is going to make Pete Campbell look like a model boyfriend. Although, Jean Paul v. Duck Phillips is a real conundrum of suck. Breaking into your office drunk to take a dump on your boss's furniture versus showing up to your Daughters of the American Revolution stoned. Turning the news of the Kennedy assasination off so you can get your nooner versus slipping Extacy in your drink. That last one clinched it for Jean Paul. Anyway, Jean Paul baits Charlie on the letter that he recieved on the rope line.
CHARLIE
A woman on the rope line this morning. She's a private in the Army and her family's
on food stamps.
JEAN-PAUL
An American soldier on food stamps?
CHARLIE
It's a big family.
JEAN-PAUL
And you read this letter as if it was special.
CHARLIE
Well, she handed it right to me.
JEAN-PAUL
And after you read it, you just throw it on the pile with the others.
CHARLIE
Yes.
JEAN-PAUL
So, this woman sees you standing next to Zoey's father and she doesn't know that
you're powerless to help.
CHARLIE
I'm not powerless. I called the DOD and asked them to give special notice to the letter.
Charlie tells an aid that he needs to get the letter back to call DOD. I know that a big theme of this show has always been men using their power to show off and bulk up their self-esteem but I'm sensing more dick-measuring contests in S4 than the earlier seasons. That said, Jack Reese even in his limited appearances, has completely reset the scale.
Toby meets up with good ole boy Senator Hoebuck outside.
JIMMY
The food wasn't free, and is the President really comfortable defining 50 years of
security policy as bullying?
TOBY
I don't think he was talking about the last half-century. Neither do you.
I don't get that. Like, I know that Sorkin is trying to diss Bush here but George W. and the invasion of Iraq didn't exist in Bartlet-world. Anyway, Hoebuck gets to the point.
JIMMY
I got a yea vote for you.
TOBY
Whose?
JIMMY
Mine. Can I be in your office in an hour?
TOBY
Can you be there in half an hour?
JIMMY
No.
I enjoy Hoebuck's economy of phrase- "no". He's the fucking Senator- it's enough that he's making the trip to Toby's office. He's damn well not going to it on Toby's time table.
Charlie is calling Sergeant Moreland but he's a little bumfuzzles (verbal spoiler alert!) when a genuine-article colonel is taking an interest in his problem. I love how Dule Hill's acting changes from surprise that a colonel is calling to smug arrogance that he has the power to summon colonels. LOL.
Will has decided to take another crack at working with Josh.
WILL
Can't find Grace Hardin?
JOSH
We're at the airport, we're at Dirksen, we're at her house, we're at her gym, we're at her Senate office, we're at her second office, we're at her lawyer's office, we're at her husband's office.
WILL
I'm sorry, I know you're up against it...
JOSH
The legislative section.
WILL
I cut enduring "wisdom". "The American people have spoken. They have chosen to return to Washington a President of one party and a Congress of another."
JOSH
You say that like constitutional scholars made a conscious choice, weighing checks and balances.
WILL
They did make a conscious choice. And in their defense, a lot of people have a hard time seeing the difference.
JOSH
Are any of those people in this room?
WILL
No.
JOSH
One wants to save Social Security, the other wants to privatize it. One wants to make polluters pay to clean up pollution, the other wants to give tax breaks so they can pollute more. One wants to send aid to countries...
Again, Will sees that Josh is too cranky to work on a bipartisan, nice-sounding section of the inaugural address and wisely leaves. Josh runs into Toby.
JOSH
Hoebuck?
TOBY
He came to me.
JOSH
He authored a bill to insert the word "God" into the Pledge of Allegiance four more times.
TOBY
Yeah, well, once you've broken that dam, what the hell does it matter?
Anyway, the big Hoebuck meeting.
JIMMY
Here's what I want for my vote tonight.
TOBY
Yeah.
JIMMY
$115,000.
TOBY
Million.
JIMMY
I'm sorry?
TOBY
You said you wanted 115,000. You meant million.
JIMMY
I appreciate Democrats know how to read my mind but I meant 115,000.
I like Hoebucks's sass! (Not ass.) That's great subtle "Democrats are big spenders" snark to insert in his trade.
TOBY
And this woman leads a world-class team of psychiatrist?
JIMMY
Not... not exactly. But you're awfully close. This is Dr. Gwendolyn Chen. She's the Chief Cardiologist at Duke Medical Center. Have you ever heard of intercessory prayer or remote prayer?
TOBY
This is where you draw up a list of sinners...
JIMMY
It's when people pray for you even though you're not aware of it.
TOBY
Yeah, C.J. got spammed with that a few months ago.
JIMMY
Was that before or after her agent got shot at a fruit stand?
Sheesh, Hoebuck. I was so impressed with your wit and ability to be top dog that I was about to darn your sinister attraction but then you have to be so stupidly inaccurate about such an important event.
TOBY
You really want to make a rim shot out of a Secret Service Agent getting dead?
"Getting dead"? Between that and "America is going to lead the world and not just bully it", I really think that Toby was right in Arctic Radar. He really has lost his gift for language!
JIMMY
You really want to refer to people's prayers as spam?
Anyway, the Good Doctor rather charmingly and honestly sells the virtues of remote prayer. The subject is hokey but I'm a fan of Dr. Chen and her scientific and dry but with a hint of "I'm can't believe I'm even saying this" delivery.
JIMMY
A thousand heart-patients in the CCU were split into two groups. Half were prayed for by volunteers the other half weren't. And?
DR. CHEN
The patients that were prayed for-- I know it sounds crazy but the patients that were prayed for-- 11 percent fewer heart attacks and strokes; far fewer complications.
The prayer salespeople leave.
Now, for Donna's finest moment in the series. Seriously, this is tied with Donna's hiring scene in ITOTG and her calm and sympathetic way of hearing that Jed has MS in 18th and Potomac for Donna's top three moments in the series.
Donna meets up with Hardin's aid, Ellen, but Ellen blows Donna off, saying that Ellen is tracking down the Senator. Donna can smell the bullshit. Observe the streets-smart kick-assitude here and the clever use of her innocent farm-girl looks.
DONNA
Sir, excuse me, my name is Doona. And if you'll look at me, I think you'll know I'm not going to steal from you or waste your time in any way. Can I borrow that envelope for just one moment?
BUSINESSMAN
Yeah, it's nothing...
DONNA
Thank you.
She grabs the envelope and walks over to a guy retrieving boxes.
DONNA
Excuse me, is it Rick?
JASON
Jason.
DONNA
Jason, I'm sorry, I'm new. This needs to get to the Senator. Are you going in the
car to Dirksen?
JASON
Well, I'm going to Dirksen, but the Senator's at the Women in Media Luncheon.
DONNA
Right. Stupid, stupid. Thank you.
Target acquired. Donna is off to the Women in Media Luncheon.
Because Donna is being written as exceptionally smart, Sorkin has to write CJ as being exceptionally dumb. Jeez, Sorkin. You're lucky that Allison Janney is so funny and talented that she can make dumbness seem like some strange specimen of charm.
I love the way that John Spencer is just staring at CJ with his perfect blend of deadpan impatience. Hee! Also Allison Janney usually has CJ carry herself with authority and elegance which makes times like this when she's slouching like a teenager about to be grounded all the more hilarious.
C.J.
Well, first of all, that's not a cow. It's not! It's a goat. Yeah, I may have agreed to something about a goat.
LEO
Did the First Lady get you drunk and take you shopping?
Again, I insist that this show release all of the referred off-screen scenes in another seven years of West Wing.
C.J.
Leo... yes. The name of the group is Heifer International. I-I... I was under the impression it was going to be a cow.
LEO
Lending Presidential aura to the photo?
C.J.
Okay. I think what were going to do is, I think we're going to wait until after the vote at 10:30, 'cause if we don't win, then it would be a mistake for this picture to run tomorrow.
LEO
How big a mistake?
C.J.
One from which my job certainly would have hung in the balance.
LEO
In the balance?
C.J.
[to goat handler] Goats are heifers, too?
MIKE
I don't know.
LEO
If the President's wearing a hat, or that thing's wearing a Bartlet button, I'm
hiding snakes in your car.
C.J.
Come on, don't say that! Not even to joke!
Fear of snakes is very natural and usual so it would already be funny and human for CJ to be freaked out about snakes in her car. It's even funnier, though, if we count the continuity of CJ freaking out over a snake looking at her in Manchester.
LEO
You're never gonna know where they are...
C.J.
Leo!
LEO
...or if you got them all out. Excuse me. Gonna lay their eggs right in the glove compartment.
Anyway, CJ tries to charm the goat handler.
C.J.
So, this is going to be a while. Can you wait?
MIKE
Well, uh, Ron doesn't do that well in the cold.
C.J.
Are you Ron?
MIKE
I'm Mike.
C.J.
Of course. We'll find an empty room for him.
Her face on "Of course"! Love!
MIKE
Uh, I have oats in the truck.
C.J.
Well, you should bring the oats, because the Mess closes at six.
The Pentagon sent Charlie a really, really long memo on food stamps because of his phone call. It's CC-d to Leo, Joint Chiefs and the Secretary of State. Charlie fucked up but he has his visible and product placed Hansen's Grapfruit Soda to comfort him.
Powershot! Donna is hiding out in the kitchen waiting for Hardin. Apparently, she's on a first-name/offer free food basis with the chefs there. Again, this is Donna at her best. That said, chefs named Giuseppe and Beano? Sorkin doesn't spit on naming cliches, that's for damn sure. Anyway, the conference is over and Ellen shows her bitchy true colors.
ELLEN
Wow. You know what you are? You're the little aid who could.
DONNA
She wasn't on the dais.
ELLEN
She had to cancel. I read a letter in her absence.
DONNA
Ellen, here's the situation: I've been asked...
Her cellphone rings.
DONNA
Excuse me, it's Josh. Yeah? That's great. Who? All right. We've got two yes votes, McMichael and Schapp. The Senator can come out of the woods. I'm coming in.
Cut to Grace Hardin, making it clear that Donna made a mistake by naming names and should not have trusted Ellen.
Will! Stop checking out your sister's boobs!
ELSIE
Here's an Inauguration Day joke about the first Jewish President. His mother leans over to someone and says "You see that guy with his right hand raised? His brother's a doctor."
I don't like non-Jews like the Bailey's making Jewish jokes amongst themselves. I don't care how Jewish, Will reads because he's played by the Jewish Josh Molina. There's a reason why Seinfeld did an episode about a guy converting to Judaism so he can make Jewish jokes and not be accused of anti-Semitism. Speaking as a Jewish woman, it's a thing.
Anyway, Elsie proves through this conversation that as delightful as Danica McKellar is, Elsie Snuffin is a superfluous character after the Orange County campaign. They have a long but pointless conversation about democracy that runs in circles until they reach the point:
ELSIE
You took the office of a guy who obviously became part of the family. They'll stop with the bicycles and the Seaborn posters and the cold shoulder.
WILL
Yeah, I'm all right. I'm focused.
ELSIE
Hey, cool goat. When did you get it?
WILL
Professional comedian, Elsie...
He turns around to walk in his office, and he sees the goat.
WILL
Aaaaaah...!
ELSIE
I think it's great the you keep oats in the office... just in case. I think when
these people find out that kind of thing...
WILL
Could you leave me now, I'm focused, please.
Okay, that goat-reveal was pretty seriously hilarious and Danica McKellar still delivers her lines in a very charming, ingenue sort of way that works for her but is still different from Winnie Cooper redux.
Josh confirms that they lost Hardin because of Donna's loose tongue.
TOBY
Well, you were right, Hoebuck's crazy.
JOSH
What did he want?
TOBY
$115,000.
JOSH
Million.
TOBY
No, thousand.
JOSH
For what?
TOBY
It doesn't matter.
JOSH
For what?
TOBY
An NIH study on remote prayer.
JOSH
You're kidding.
TOBY
Actually, he brought a Duke cardiologist who ran a double-blind....
JOSH
$115,000, he votes yes on Foreign Ops?
TOBY
Josh, it's the federal government investing...
JOSH
I don't care if we're investing in communion wafers.
TOBY
Josh, it's the federal government.
JOSH
We'll deal with the other thing tomorrow.
TOBY
Well, I already dealt with it today.
JOSH
Not yet, and the clock's running. I'm going to Leo.
Jed reads the Big Ass Food Stamp memo like an disappointment dad while Charlie cringes behind him.
CHARLIE
I had asked an assistant I know to give it special attention. I don't know the woman or anything. It wasn't patronage. But I was... You know... I was showing off for Zoey.
BARTLET
There are a couple of thousand military families on food stamps. I can't stand it; the Pentagon knows it. Some families are eligible, some aren't. To change it, they'd have to raise everyone's pay, which they can't do, and this memo's a reminder. It's a get-off-our-backs memo. And you thought you were done with turf wars.
CHARLIE
Did it cause any damage?
BARTLET
You decommissioned two aircraft carriers.
CHARLIE
Really?
BARTLET
No.
Again, I adore Dule Hill's curious and sort of pleased "Really" like he didn't know that he had that kind of power. Seriously, Dule Hill- whenever TPTB gave him scraps to act with, he brought it.
BARTLET
Boy, Zoey's growing up nicely, isn't she?
CHARLIE
Yes, she is.
BARTLET
I'm on your side in this thing, but just barely. Just by a little bit, because he's French and royal. These are very special, very limited circumstances under which we're allies, you and I.
CHARLIE
Understood, sir.
BARTLET
You still got it?
CHARLIE
Sir?
BARTLET
The letter from the rope line.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Put it in my bag tonight.
Of course, Dule Hill isn't the only comedic genius in the room. Martin Sheen extrapolates the "very limited circumstances under which we're allies, you and I" line so he sounds like he's conducting subterfuge and ally support as he asks Charlie to put the letter in his briefcase. It's so cute.
BARTLET
Mr. McGarry, Mr. Ziegler, Mr. Lyman, Ms. Cregg. It's the Temptations. I love you guys.
Aw, the first President + Senior Staff meeting that inaugurates our future Sam Seaborn-less episodes. There should be a "Mr. Seaborn", fucking up the numbers for Jed's Temptations joke, dammit.
TOBY
James Hoebuck will vote yea 10:30 if we give him $115,000.
BARTLET
Million?
JOSH
Thousand. $115,000.
Bradley Whitford does a tremendous dramatic/comedic job in this scene and the loudly desperate way that he emphasizes "thousand" is a highlight.
BARTLET
I like it. There should a button on my desk I can press and 49 people instantly pray for me.
C.J.
I got remote prayed for by three million people.
BARTLET
How'd it work out?
C.J.
Good for me. Can't vouch much for what it was they were praying was going to happen.
BARTLET
Well, that's the problem.
Oh, CJ and Jed! Their snarky buddy-movie vibe will occur no matter how many other people in there are.
JOSH
Excuse me.
BARTLET
Yes.
JOSH
The Earth is rotating rapidly on its axis.
One of my favorite lines from the show. I use it to describe my impatience all the time.
BARTLET
Okay, well, good news. Keep us posted on that.
JOSH
We're moving into 8:00 now, sir.
BARTLET
Is there something I should be doing I'm not doing?
JOSH
We should be talking about Jimmy Hoebuck.
BARTLET
Oh, wait. You guys didn't come in here to tell me something funny?
TOBY
Three of us did.
BARTLET
You... you, are the wild card, my friend, because you...
JOSH
Sir...
BARTLET
...because you will throw out the baby, the bathwater, and the bubbles at curtain time if it means...
JOSH
Excuse me, sir...
BARTLET
Feel free to interrupt.
JOSH
Do you think, Mr. President, the people who get this money care about an NIH study?
BARTLET
I don't care if they care! I care! And oh, by the way, so do you!
JOSH
$115,000 is what Commerce spends on Post-Its.
I'd call Jed's sarcasm more evidence that he can very harsh with Josh and it is evidence of that but in fairness to Jed, Josh is being quite disrespectful.
BARTLET
Toby?
TOBY
Threats to civil liberties only ever come a few dollars at a time.
JOSH
It's a medical study. The Nuclear Test Ban Treaty doesn't prohibit radiation therapy. Sufi Muslims, Orthodox Jews, Indian shamans-- the study says it works with everybody, so it's not promoting Christianity.
BARTLET
Well, in my faith, we've known it's worked for two thousand years. I never knew there was data available, but okay.
Anyway, the Senior Staff disperses but Jed calls Josh back with "Maxine" which is dismissive if I ever heard a dismissive nickname.
JOSH
I apologize for interrupting before.
BARTLET
Oh, I don't care. But what I was going to say...
JOSH
[passionately] I'll toss it all overboard if it means winning, and I think that's not true, and I'd ask you to support that with evidence... I'm sorry. I don't know why I keep doing that.
I love Jed's surprised look when Josh interrupts yet again just after apologizing and then his "something is at play" look when Josh really steps over the line with, "I'd ask you to support that with evidence".
BARTLET
You're not willing to toss it overboard to win. You're willing to toss it overboard to avoid disappointing Leo. You know what the difference is between you and me? I want to be the guy. You want to be the guy the guy counts on.
Ouch. Jed really has issues with Josh. Being "the guy", "the man", "the leader" is a huge fucking deal to Jed and Josh doesn't have it. I kind of think that Jed's respect for Josh would have increased ten-fold if Josh ever called Jed out on an issue of policy, not tactics. A scene where Josh told Jed that he was being morally wrong. Josh never did that like Toby, CJ, Leo or even Sam and Will.
Josh later faces a similar problem with Santos. Josh really does care about issues and making people's lives better. It's just that Josh's fundamental flaw is when he comes across a leader that he respects, he will make his public service dedication about serving that leader to hilt and implementing the leader's vision while never challenging the morality or the rightness of the vision. He puts himself in the position where he's just in charge of tactics and getting what the leader wants put into action. A person who is also chiefly in charge of carrying out the leader's vision like Leo respects that kind of subordination. People like Santos or Jed who put a lot of stock in being "the guy" will take Josh's advice and hard work and respect him for that but won't value him as much as Josh wants.
It's interesting that Hoynes displayed more respect for Josh than Jed or Santos. It could be argued that Josh is what Hoynes wants- a brilliant lieutenant who will carry out his orders wonderfully without being a righteous Toby-esque pain in his ass. However, that omits the fact that all the way from "Running for President without talking about how you're going to fix Social Security is like running for president of Disney World by saying you're going to fix the rides at Epcot", Josh actually is a conscience for Hoynes because Josh doesn't trust Hoynes to be a conscience on his own. That's why Hoynes says that Josh could be his "Leo" in A Change Is Gonna Come while Jed and Santos never come close to that homage.
Seriously if S6-7, omitted the leak stuff, gave Toby and Jed more to do, made Donna learn that career advancement in politics is empty if it's entirely self-serving and replaced Santos with Hoynes, those seasons could have been the best seasons of West Wing ever. Sparkly Sorkin dialogue and heartwarming moments, aside. I like S6-7 as is but making Hoynes (the complicated, brilliant and positive but opportunistic version from S1-4 instead of the dumb philanderer that existed in most of the post-Sorkin seasons) the Democratic nominee would have a stroke of genius.
Anyway, to wrap up the Josh/Jed scene.
JOSH
We can introduce another continuing resolution... 90 days?
BARTLET
And work down?
JOSH
75% of current funding maybe.
BARTLET
If we can get it.
JOSH
You understand if we introduce another continuing resolution, about ten Democrats will jump on as a reason to vote no on this. Means losing 60-40 instead of 51-49.
BARTLET
When I lose, I don't look for consolation in the score and I know for sure you don't. So, it's what we should do, right?
JOSH
Yeah.
BARTLET
All right, tough beat. It's an unbelievably tough beat.
JOSH
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Hey, Zoey's growing up very nicely, isn't she?
JOSH
Man, I'll say.
Jed gives a Josh a disapproving look.
JOSH
You know, I go for kiss-ass today and the ball goes in the gutter.
On that note, Josh should quit while he's....not winning.
Donna is cutely bundled up. She's kicking himself for naming the names and Josh reassures her.
JOSH
Shake it off. And don't listen to the naysayer. You've got a big future as a stalker.
DONNA
I always felt like I had the makings.
JOSH
I just had an interesting moment. I just recommended to the President that he buy a yea vote for a $115,000 and the Bill of Rights.
DONNA
Don't you mean a $115 million?
JOSH
Jimmy Hoebuck wanted to fund a study on remote prayer for $115,000.
DONNA
Is it me or is this getting harder?
JOSH
It's getting harder. I'd say we're going to make more enemies in the second term, but I don't know if there's anybody left on the list.
DONNA
You took funding for remote prayer to the President?
JOSH
I did it with gusto.
DONNA
That's 'cause you don't know the story of Fishhooks McCarty.
JOSH
Is this a real person or a Donna person?
DONNA
Corrupt politician on the Lower East Side in the '20s. Every morning he stopped at the St. James Church on Oliver Street and said the same prayer, "O Lord, give me health and strength. We'll steal the rest."
JOSH
Not that there needs to be, but... was there a point?
DONNA
You've got health and strength, both of which, coincidentally, I prayed for after hot lead was shot into your body.
JOSH
Yeah... You're going to need some Kryptonite, by the way.
DONNA
Okay, settle down.
JOSH
All right.
DONNA
So you've got health and strength.
JOSH
And we'll steal the rest?
DONNA
Bet your ass.
Aw. Except for the "hot lead" awkward phrasing, that was a beautiful conversation and one of my favorites between the two. Come on, aren't they much better when they're acting like adults who support and boost up each other instead of their default of twisted adolescents sniping at each other? I love that Donna had a chance to verbally acknowledge how scared she was for Josh when he was shot. That conversation was long due. Brad Whitford is awesome as always but for the first and possibly only time, Janel acts him off the screen here. Her quiet but passionate delivery is just perfect. There's a beautiful moment where Donna watches Josh lovingly as he leaves. Aw, this ep makes me feel shippy/Donna-admiring feelings.
Josh runs into Will but now, he's in the frame to be friendly to Will.
JOSH
What's up, Mr. Daley?
WILL
Bailey.
JOSH
Bill Bailey?
LOL. That joke never gets old.
WILL
Will Bailey.
JOSH
So, if we're lucky, foreign aid's going to be funded for another 90 days at 75 cents on the dollar. No one who's ever said they wanted bipartisanship has ever meant it. But the people are speaking. Because 68% think we give too much in foreign aid, and 59% think it should be cut.
WILL
You like that stat?
JOSH
I do.
WILL
Why?
JOSH
Because 9% think it's too high, and shouldn't be cut! 9% of respondents could not fully get their arms around the question. There should be another box you can check for, "I have utterly no idea what you're talking about. Please, God, don't ask for my input."
Not to beat a dead horse, Brad Whitford's delivery is a thing of beauty.
WILL
Why is foreign aid important?
JOSH
It fosters democracy.
WILL
There you go.
JOSH
[in British accent] Well, well played, young man. Very good, yes, yes.
WILL
I don't know if you realized, but for a second there, you changed voices.
JOSH
Someone said, "The best argument against democracy is five minutes with the average voter."
WILL
Churchill. He also said "Democracy is the worst form of government."
JOSH
See.
WILL
"Except for all the others."
JOSH
I know the end of the quote. I'll work with you on the legislative section. But after the vote, okay? We'll get some food.
Will excuses himself but he has to confront CJ.
WILL
Excuse me.
C.J.
Yes?
WILL
I believe you put a goat in my office, and I just want you to know that I stand here
with full humor and total focus. You can fill my office with bicycles, you can cover the windows with "Seaborn for Congress" posters, you can bring in 101 Dalmatians. I'm focused on what I'm doing.
The best part of the scene is how Will starts walking backwards as CJ starts walking toward him. Great directing and acting. It's like CJ's reputation as an intimidating ass-kicker precedes her which it should because CJ's fierceness isn't exactly a secret- it's all over CSPAN/the news.
C.J.
Who are you?
WILL
I'm Will Bailey.
C.J.
C.J. Cregg.
WILL
Very nice to meet you.
Josh Molina gets a great intimidated/obsequiously friendly/sort of turned on tone in his, "Very nice to meet you."
C.J.
I didn't put the goat in your office. Someone else must have.
WILL
You didn't?
C.J.
I put it in the office that's being used by a new guy Toby and Josh are trying to give a hard time to-- Oh, wait...
Aw, come on. This scene is cute but CJ didn't know that Will was occupying Sam's office? It's a senior staff office. I would think that CJ would know about who was occupying it.
WILL
You understand I'm working on the Inaugural address, right?
C.J.
How's that going?
WILL
There's bicycles and goats in my office! All right... Any care and feeding I should know about?
C.J.
The goat has a handler. I'll get it out...
WILL
No! I'll take my hazing like the Eaton valedictorian that I am. What's his name, please?
C.J.
Which one?
WILL
The handler.
C.J.
Mike.
WILL
The goat has a name?
C.J.
Ron.
WILL
Thank you.
CJ smiles, clearly charmed by Will's willingness to put up with her capricious and unprofessional jokes and whims in good humor. So delightfully in character!
DONNA
Where do you learn to run out the clock like that?
ELLEN
The Senator's voting her conscience, Donna.
DONNA
She understands foreign aid. I've heard her talk about it. She's supposed to do what's right.
ELLEN
No, she was elected and she's suppose to do what the people think is right.
DONNA
Will you take this and walk it to her on the floor? That's all you have to do.
They hear over the loudspeaker that the vote is over so Donna's attempt at a Hail Mary pass isn't going to work.
ELLEN
Win some, you lose some.
DONNA
Can I tell you something? Josh has asked me to work Saturdays, work Sundays, and at least once a week he has me there after 1:00 AM. He's asked me to transpose portions of the federal budget into base-8, go to North Dakota and dress as an East German cocktail waitress. In five years of working for him, he's never asked me to hide him from something. Can I have my boss's phone back?
Well, Josh did ask Donna to hide him from CJ in A Proportional Response and from Mandy in Enemies. Does that count? In other scenes that I want to see, why Josh made Donna dress as an East German cocktail waitress.
In further news of why S4 CJ/Danny pwn S1 CJ/Danny, I think it's a billion times cuter for them to a faux-professional dinner of Chinese take-out while watching the vote instead of repetitive scenes of Danny brow-beating her for a date.
DANNY
You having that?
C.J.
Yes.
DANNY
All of it?
C.J.
Yes!
DANNY
What about this?
C.J.
Yes!
DANNY
I'm pointing at twenty-three packets of soy sauce!
C.J.
I give them to the homeless.
DANNY
That's helpful.
C.J.
Are you talking through the whole vote?
DANNY
You're going to lose this one 60-40.
C.J.
Danny...
DANNY
Did I ruin the end?
C.J.
Could you even have this much sensitivity?
I love how Allison Janney indicates the little sensitivity by making a little space with her chopsticks.
C.J.
We did everything but pass a hat!
DANNY
Nobody wants to put money in a hat in Botswana when you got hats that need filling here. You can't make this about charity. It's about self-interest. We cut farm assistance in Colombia. Every single crop we developed was replaced with cocaine. We cut aid for primary education in northwest Pakistan and Egypt; the kids went to madrassahs. Why weren't you making a case that Republican senators are bad on drugs, and bad on national security? Why are Democrats always so bumfuzzled? By the way, 65 more flight schools today. Maisy hasn't found your guy. Don't worry. There are thousands more.
"Bumfuzzled" is an awesome word and I enjoy that whole speech. That said, it's a little assy that he can't just make a cutting speech about the Bartlet administration's weak tactics. He has to insert a threat about the Shareef story. It starts to feel less like Danny pursuing the story because he's an intrepid reporter so much as a one-upmanship to prove his manliness with the woman that he's always trying to impress.
C.J.
You know something there, General Cho? If you had a story, you'd write it. If you don't have one, shut up.
She shoves an egg roll in his mouth.
Yes, CJ was being a little unprofessional there but his comment more than entitled CJ to stand up for herself by using a delicious egg roll to shut him up. Although the smile on Danny's face through the egg roll, indicates that he wanted to provoke CJ into making the date less professional and he got what he wanted.
C.J.
We just lost a vote. We're not bumfuzzled. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to cancel a photo op with a goat.
She punctuates that by taking a deep drink of her Corona to anesthetize herself for the event. LOL!!! CJ, call me! It's even more amusingly ironic because it was booze that got CJ into this goat predicament in the first place.
Jed, perhaps regretting his "guy the guy counts on" speech, throws Josh a public bone.
BARTLET
Tough beat, everybody. Thanks for the work. Next time, we let Josh do it the way he wants.
CJ comes in and suggests canceling the goat photo-op.
C.J.
A milking goat? It's going to seem like a parody of foreign aid.
BARTLET
I don't know. I don't know everybody. C.J. wants to cancel the goat picture. Half the world's people live on less than two dollars a day. 130 million will never step inside a schoolhouse. Ingredients for bombs can be purchased at hardware stores and we've just given the Third World what the doctor ordered: rollbacks. Heifer International... they give free cows and goats to people who need milk?
C.J.
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Well, then, I don't think that we're in any position to be snotty. Let's do it... Let's do it right now.
Aw, this is one of times where I think about how much I love these characters. Jed accepting the humiliating photo-op with joy and self-awareness is one of his most underrated moments.
C.J.
So, I think this will work. I think it says, "Well, you're impoverished and while we don't care, we don't want you to go away empty-handed, so we offer you this goat, Ron, to give you milk."
WILL
Do males goats give milk?
C.J.
No, no, of course they don't. So, we offer you this thing that'll just gnaw on your stuff.
It's one-of-a-kind ineffable Sorkin-style, ya'll. Sweetness on a literal and figurative epic scale punctured by snark based on inane trivia and all bullwarked by a sense of teamliness.
BARTLET
I'm not standing in this picture alone. This was a total team failure. Stand where you want, but I want my Chief of Staff and my Chief Political Adviser standing near the goat.
Because this moment isn't cute enough, Toby stops the picture to grab a White House ID to put around Ron's neck.
Jed puts his arm around Josh and tells him to set the clock for ninety days in a very warm and loving moment.
Say, "Goat's Cheese"! I never realized until now but Mike, Ron's handler, is in the picture too. Ha!
Two very attractive Republican aides take Josh into the attractive Republican cloakroom but sadly for Josh, it's in no way dirty. Warring Harding is getting more play than Josh now that Amy left.
SENATOR'S STAFFER
What do you think?
JOSH
You guys use the same decorator as we do.
STAFFER
Damn it, Josh, I decorated the room.
JOSH
Hey, was Benjamin Harrison banned from here?
STAFFER
By Senate resolution 'cause he was lobbying too much. And Warren Harding's mistress was impregnated here.
JOSH
Prompting another resolution?
Anyway, they have bad news. The senator that they work for is changing their vote on foreign aid and the vote is close enough that it's a DEAL BREAKER (Liz Lemon). The Senator is being cowardly because of a commonly-cited poll through the episode.
JANE
Listen, a Liberty Foundation poll's about to come out...
JOSH
A poll!?
JANE
68% say we spend too much on foreign aid. 59% want foreign aid cut.
JOSH
What the hell do I care? These people are responding to...
JANE
Come on. They're responding to being overtaxed and then having that money sent to Burundi instead of the school their kids go to.
JOSH
Now you're for more education funding?
JANE
That's not the point.
JOSH
Of course foreign aid polls badly. The people it's helping aren't the ones answering the phone.
JANE
Or paying the taxes, or voting.
JOSH
The Senator just reached this conclusion when the Libery Foundation--
JANE
No, he's never liked it, and you know that and the poll gives him cover with the New York Times people.
JOSH
When you say the New York Times people, you're not talking about the people the who work there, are you?
JANE
No, look...
JOSH
You mean "people who can read?"
That's lame political cover with the stereotyped New York Times readers.
JOSH
I think this is crap. I think your boss has known about this poll for awhile and he's embarrassing the President at the eleventh hour because he spent too much time with his arm around the other guy.
JANE
We begged you to keep the President out of Colorado.
On the revelation that this is clearly political retribution and the President is one vote down on foreign aid, we head to CREDITS.
Jed, CJ, Charlie and assorted staffers are moving from a speech.
BARTLET
It's the curse of every daughter's father.
CHARLIE
Boyfriends?
BARTLET
I don't like them. I don't like them at all.
CHARLIE
Yes, I know sir.
BARTLET
What the hell happened with you two? It was perfect. I just kept you in the office all the time.
CHARLIE
Well, she was unhappy that I was at the office all the time.
BARTLET
That was the point. If I was trying to make her happy, I'd buy her a Cabriolet.
Now, it's CJ's turn.
BARTLET
C-Jean. Stable economies with free-flowing uranium don't make for a stable world community. Did I make that point?
C.J.
Absolutely.
BARTLET
Good. And is there a cow on my schedule today?
C.J.
It's called Heifer International. Don't worry about it.
BARTLET
I'm meeting with a cow. I shouldn't worry about it.
C.J.
It's a photo-op with a cow, sir. It's not a sit-down.
BARTLET
I like your sass.
C.J.
You got a very nice sass, yourself... sir.
BARTLET
What, are you touring?
C.J.
I could.
LOL. "C-Jean", "a photo op, not a sit down", "Are you touring"- the dialogue in this episode is golden. Anyway, Jed starts working the rope line. A woman desperately puts an envelope in Charlie's hands. CJ gets a phone call from Josh, informing her that they're a vote down on foreign aid.
Light blue is a very pretty color on Donna.
DONNA
This is a push poll.
JOSH
68% think we spend too much on foreign aid. 59% think it should be cut.
DONNA
I think this is a push poll.
JOSH
Respondents estimate foreign aid to be 15% of the federal budget. It's one percent of the federal budget. Or it was a half hour ago.
DONNA
Listen to this question: "The money that goes into foreign aid could be used to reduce the tax burden here at home. Do you support such a shift of funds?" That's not a push poll?
JOSH
Come here. I lose this vote... I'm resigning.
I love this episode and Josh in this episode but really? Josh would resign over this vote? I call bullshit.
Josh, Leo and a bunch of staffers strategize on how to win. They settle on bugging Grace Hardin, fraidy cat Democratic Senator of Georgia to vote with them even though foreign aid polls badly in Georgia. I find it a little annoying that they didn't even think of a Plan B. Josh starts the clock for the amount of time they have to lobby votes.
WILL
Yeah. You now, you get a pretty good aerobic workout talking to someone in this
building.
JOSH
I've heard the jokes. What do you need?
One of my favorite meta jokes in the history of television. Realistic, mocks a big conceit on the show and done subtly without a big "Look at how cute and precocious we are" to-do like most meta on television nowadays.
WILL
Okay, well, it's Will and I'm in a legislative section talking about bipartisan cooperation and because it was legislative, Toby wanted you involved.
JOSH
Boy, did you pick the wrong day to write about bipartisan cooperation.
WILL
If there's a better time...
JOSH
68% of respondents think we hand out too much in foreign aid, 59% think it should
be cut.
WILL
Were you talking to me just then?
JOSH
Read me what you got so far.
WILL
"The people, in their enduring wisdom, have put in office a Chief Executive of one party and a Congress of another. It's our duty to respect and enact..."
JOSH
Strike "in their enduring wisdom." You think electing a reactionary Congress and a progressive President was wise? The people, in a fog of uncertainty, unsure of the difference, split tickets across the country.
WILL
Well, I agree, but I think Toby would say that lacks poetry.
JOSH
68% say we hand out too much, 59% want to see it cut.
Will gets that Josh is in an irritable and unhelpful mood and skedaddles away.
Josh asks Donna to find Hardin and bless her, she accepts the challenge and also asks Josh about other Senators to come up with a back-up plan. Donna also does the supportive comfortador thing.
DONNA
You had two different strategies that were shouted down. You can't take the fall for this.
JOSH
My job is to execute the plays Leo calls. The rest doesn't matter.
DONNA
Were you serious before... about resigning?
JOSH
Are we looking for Hardin?!
DONNA
They're on it.
JEAN-PAUL
So, Charlie, uh... What you do is you sort the mail for Zoey's father.
CHARLIE
Yeah, I guess.
JEAN-PAUL
And you don't like me very much because I'm with Zoey.
CHARLIE
Jean Paul, I'm kind of working here.
Instead of hanging out his girlfriend or doing one of the billion things he can do as French royalty and famewhore celebrity, Jean Paul would rather stand around and watch Charlie work and have needless dick-measuring contests. This is actually a recurring theme where Jean Paul exhibits an uncharacteristic interest with talking with his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend and one of Jean Paul's "little people". I often got a vibe that Jean Paul was secretly crushing on Charlie. A lot of the time, Jean Paul seemed more interested in Charlie than Zoey.
It turns that Charlie's envelope was woman in the military petitioning for food stamps. Charlie asks for the letter, partly out of concern and partly to prove his importance to Jean Paul.
As always, just a spoonful of excellent snark helps the spin-medicine go down in CJ's press-room.
C.J.
The President wishes the Republican Leader would throw some money at problems right here, but doesn't wish to help the United States retreat from its role as a world leader. Foreign aid's been cut 50% in the last decade. In percentage of GNP spent, we rank not toward the bottom; we are the bottom, dead last. Mark.
REPORTER MARK
Was it a bad idea to make the first bill out of the second term such a controversial one?
C.J.
The President doesn't believe that for something this important, something like that should be taken into consideration. Steve?
REPORTER STEVE
A Democratic senator says that if this goes down it'll stall momentum on the rest--
C.J.
We're not responding to a blind quote; we're just assuming you made it up.
The reporters laugh.
C.J.
I'm not kidding. Thank you.
I adore how Allison Janney dead-pans that quote, making what should be obnoxious (the White House's desire to sidestep hard-hitting questions) into something something sympathetic and okay by sheer force of charm and the funny.
To renew an old tradition, Danny is hot on CJ's heels as she heads out of the press room to her office.
DANNY
Hey, off the record, what did the President say about Mosley's "halfway around the world"?
C.J.
He said, "Lord God, what a tool".
DANNY
That's what I figured.
C.J.
I'm a senior administration official. You can say several senior administration officials say the White House will have a good memory when the transportation bill comes up next year.
DANNY
You don't mind blind quotes so much when they're from you.
C.J.
No.
In another renewal of tradition, CJ plays the fuck out of him. Make him feel like he's in the know by providing a salacious inside comment off the record, of course, while turning him into an administration proxy by making him the catcher for well-placed administration leaks. CJ is so awesome.
Danny gives CJ a status-update on his pilot.
DANNY
His was named Jamil Bari, and the first thing you want to do is, you want to find out if Jamil Bari had any history of pilot error to see if that may have contributed to the crash. So my new assistant, Maisy, she found out that Jamil Bari got a certificate of qualification on the Gulfstream in 1994.
C.J.
Was that it?
DANNY
Yeah, that's it. That's all I've been able to find out so far. 'Cause we've been checking aviation schools, and we haven't been unable to find him. There are a lot of aviation schools, but we're going to check 'em all.
I don't know why he does this other than the dramatic necessity of filling the audience in on his progress. CJ is definitely not going to give him a comment here or anything useful. He's just giving CJ information so that if she was a) more in the know and b) more Machiavellian, she could figure out what pieces of the puzzle she has and perhaps cover up or hide other pieces based on his progress. That said, Danny's loose tongue is very much in character. He thinks in terms of impressing his crush more than keeping his cards closer to his vest.
C.J.
You know, I got to tell you, your tie goes with your shirt, and your jacket... you're dating a college graduate, aren't you?
DANNY
Maisy ain't never gonna find him, C.J. Jamil Bari is an invented identity for someone. It has to be. For this thing to have worked, the pilot had to be one of our guys.
C.J.
Yeah, I just meant it was a nice tie.
Aw, CJ is being petty and kind of bitchy here. Danny's disheveled appearance is way too easy of a target for CJ to pick on it and come as sympathetic here.
C.J.
What's up, Gail?
I often wonder if Sorkin would have gotten CJ and Danny together at the end. It's hard to think of Sorkin taking his characters out of the White House without a passive-aggressive cock-up (See Seaborn, Sam) because he was so attached to the "Bartleteer Family Lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Story". But stuff like CJ talking to Gail have an OTP feeling.
Jed gives an unintentionally hilarious speech.
BARTLET
We live in an interdependent world and we should act like it. We live in a global community and we should sustain it. We should cross borders. We should cross borders to build sustainable democracies that can banish privation and fear. And we should cross borders to bring food and medicine and roads and schools and teachers to parts of the world forgotten by all but the warlords. We're gonna pass this Foreign Ops bill. This should be a century of hope and prosperity everywhere. And America is going to lead the world and not just bully it. Thank you.
"America is going to lead the world and not just bully it". It's going to do both! ROTFL. Toby definitely wasn't on dangling modifier patrol there.
Jed travels with quite the entourage. Check out the line behind him. Everyone gets their turn.
BARTLET
What the hell is going on?
ZOEY
That was great, dad.
BARTLET
[to Zoey] Hey, thanks, Peach Patch. [to Leo] What the hell is going on?
LEO
Hardin's a yes if we can get her on the phone.
BARTLET
Which is why we can't get her on the phone?
LEO
She's been a little slippery, but this is where Josh eats.
BARTLET
We have many, many backup plans in the works? Josh has broken people into teams and
they're developing and executing rapid-response backup plans?
LEO
Yeah, okay.
Leo turns around and yells back at Toby.
LEO
Toby... we should probably have a backup plan.
BARTLET
Oh, my God.
LEO
A split second of humor injected in the middle of a stressful day, sir. Sounds to me like we're talking about the act of a friend.
As always, I feel sorry for Leo when he's dealing with Bartlet as his most imperious and drama king-esque. That said, I called the need for a back-up plan beyond tracking down and lobbying Hardin way up on the transcript. Get it together, man.
BARTLET
Please, my daughter's dating a kid who's better-looking than my wife. I have only so
much RAM to give over to-- C.J.!
You disloyal jackass! This makes you a gay man with bad taste because I even think that most self-respecting gay men would think that the gorgeous and nicely built Abbey is objectively better looking than scrawny, needs a haircut, shifty eyed Jean Paul.
C.J.
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I'm sorry, but once again, there's a cow?
C.J.
A photo-op with a cow.
BARTLET
Yeah, I got that part. It was...
C.J.
Heifer Internatinal, it's called. They give milking cows to poor families in developing nations.
BARTLET
And that's great. But a picture of me and a cow...
C.J.
I have my concerns, sir.
BARTLET
Why did you agree to it in the first place?
C.J.
Well, it's an organization worthy of...
BARTLET
Abbey set it up?
C.J.
I'll figure out a way to make the picture work, sir.
CJ and animal issues. What's up with that? From turkeys to goldfish to goats to wovles to Big Birds, animals are the coemdy of CJ's existance.
BARTLET
Well, good luck with that. Now turn around casually and tell me if Le Vicomte de Valvert has got his hands anywhere near anyone who's related to me.
CJ and Jed: One of the Best and Unlikely Buddy Movies Ever.
C.J.
That is a good-looking young man.
So Holy Night and Guns, Not Butter, back to back episodes, are the only two episodes that make "CJ is a Cougar" jokes and fandom has turned into a legit thing that I find very questionable in light of CJ's general character that tends to gravitate to maturity. (Yes, Ryan Pierce tries to ask CJ out but she's totally uninterested in his inappropriate, obsequious ass.)
BARTLET
Zoey!
ZOEY
I don't respond when you shout.
BARTLET
Yeah, I think you'd respond if I stopped feeding you!
ZOEY
Ignore him.
JEAN-PAUL
Oh, yes, I do.
This is when it's confirmed that Jean Paul is going to make Pete Campbell look like a model boyfriend. Although, Jean Paul v. Duck Phillips is a real conundrum of suck. Breaking into your office drunk to take a dump on your boss's furniture versus showing up to your Daughters of the American Revolution stoned. Turning the news of the Kennedy assasination off so you can get your nooner versus slipping Extacy in your drink. That last one clinched it for Jean Paul. Anyway, Jean Paul baits Charlie on the letter that he recieved on the rope line.
CHARLIE
A woman on the rope line this morning. She's a private in the Army and her family's
on food stamps.
JEAN-PAUL
An American soldier on food stamps?
CHARLIE
It's a big family.
JEAN-PAUL
And you read this letter as if it was special.
CHARLIE
Well, she handed it right to me.
JEAN-PAUL
And after you read it, you just throw it on the pile with the others.
CHARLIE
Yes.
JEAN-PAUL
So, this woman sees you standing next to Zoey's father and she doesn't know that
you're powerless to help.
CHARLIE
I'm not powerless. I called the DOD and asked them to give special notice to the letter.
Charlie tells an aid that he needs to get the letter back to call DOD. I know that a big theme of this show has always been men using their power to show off and bulk up their self-esteem but I'm sensing more dick-measuring contests in S4 than the earlier seasons. That said, Jack Reese even in his limited appearances, has completely reset the scale.
Toby meets up with good ole boy Senator Hoebuck outside.
JIMMY
The food wasn't free, and is the President really comfortable defining 50 years of
security policy as bullying?
TOBY
I don't think he was talking about the last half-century. Neither do you.
I don't get that. Like, I know that Sorkin is trying to diss Bush here but George W. and the invasion of Iraq didn't exist in Bartlet-world. Anyway, Hoebuck gets to the point.
JIMMY
I got a yea vote for you.
TOBY
Whose?
JIMMY
Mine. Can I be in your office in an hour?
TOBY
Can you be there in half an hour?
JIMMY
No.
I enjoy Hoebuck's economy of phrase- "no". He's the fucking Senator- it's enough that he's making the trip to Toby's office. He's damn well not going to it on Toby's time table.
Charlie is calling Sergeant Moreland but he's a little bumfuzzles (verbal spoiler alert!) when a genuine-article colonel is taking an interest in his problem. I love how Dule Hill's acting changes from surprise that a colonel is calling to smug arrogance that he has the power to summon colonels. LOL.
Will has decided to take another crack at working with Josh.
WILL
Can't find Grace Hardin?
JOSH
We're at the airport, we're at Dirksen, we're at her house, we're at her gym, we're at her Senate office, we're at her second office, we're at her lawyer's office, we're at her husband's office.
WILL
I'm sorry, I know you're up against it...
JOSH
The legislative section.
WILL
I cut enduring "wisdom". "The American people have spoken. They have chosen to return to Washington a President of one party and a Congress of another."
JOSH
You say that like constitutional scholars made a conscious choice, weighing checks and balances.
WILL
They did make a conscious choice. And in their defense, a lot of people have a hard time seeing the difference.
JOSH
Are any of those people in this room?
WILL
No.
JOSH
One wants to save Social Security, the other wants to privatize it. One wants to make polluters pay to clean up pollution, the other wants to give tax breaks so they can pollute more. One wants to send aid to countries...
Again, Will sees that Josh is too cranky to work on a bipartisan, nice-sounding section of the inaugural address and wisely leaves. Josh runs into Toby.
JOSH
Hoebuck?
TOBY
He came to me.
JOSH
He authored a bill to insert the word "God" into the Pledge of Allegiance four more times.
TOBY
Yeah, well, once you've broken that dam, what the hell does it matter?
Anyway, the big Hoebuck meeting.
JIMMY
Here's what I want for my vote tonight.
TOBY
Yeah.
JIMMY
$115,000.
TOBY
Million.
JIMMY
I'm sorry?
TOBY
You said you wanted 115,000. You meant million.
JIMMY
I appreciate Democrats know how to read my mind but I meant 115,000.
I like Hoebucks's sass! (Not ass.) That's great subtle "Democrats are big spenders" snark to insert in his trade.
TOBY
And this woman leads a world-class team of psychiatrist?
JIMMY
Not... not exactly. But you're awfully close. This is Dr. Gwendolyn Chen. She's the Chief Cardiologist at Duke Medical Center. Have you ever heard of intercessory prayer or remote prayer?
TOBY
This is where you draw up a list of sinners...
JIMMY
It's when people pray for you even though you're not aware of it.
TOBY
Yeah, C.J. got spammed with that a few months ago.
JIMMY
Was that before or after her agent got shot at a fruit stand?
Sheesh, Hoebuck. I was so impressed with your wit and ability to be top dog that I was about to darn your sinister attraction but then you have to be so stupidly inaccurate about such an important event.
TOBY
You really want to make a rim shot out of a Secret Service Agent getting dead?
"Getting dead"? Between that and "America is going to lead the world and not just bully it", I really think that Toby was right in Arctic Radar. He really has lost his gift for language!
JIMMY
You really want to refer to people's prayers as spam?
Anyway, the Good Doctor rather charmingly and honestly sells the virtues of remote prayer. The subject is hokey but I'm a fan of Dr. Chen and her scientific and dry but with a hint of "I'm can't believe I'm even saying this" delivery.
JIMMY
A thousand heart-patients in the CCU were split into two groups. Half were prayed for by volunteers the other half weren't. And?
DR. CHEN
The patients that were prayed for-- I know it sounds crazy but the patients that were prayed for-- 11 percent fewer heart attacks and strokes; far fewer complications.
The prayer salespeople leave.
Now, for Donna's finest moment in the series. Seriously, this is tied with Donna's hiring scene in ITOTG and her calm and sympathetic way of hearing that Jed has MS in 18th and Potomac for Donna's top three moments in the series.
Donna meets up with Hardin's aid, Ellen, but Ellen blows Donna off, saying that Ellen is tracking down the Senator. Donna can smell the bullshit. Observe the streets-smart kick-assitude here and the clever use of her innocent farm-girl looks.
DONNA
Sir, excuse me, my name is Doona. And if you'll look at me, I think you'll know I'm not going to steal from you or waste your time in any way. Can I borrow that envelope for just one moment?
BUSINESSMAN
Yeah, it's nothing...
DONNA
Thank you.
She grabs the envelope and walks over to a guy retrieving boxes.
DONNA
Excuse me, is it Rick?
JASON
Jason.
DONNA
Jason, I'm sorry, I'm new. This needs to get to the Senator. Are you going in the
car to Dirksen?
JASON
Well, I'm going to Dirksen, but the Senator's at the Women in Media Luncheon.
DONNA
Right. Stupid, stupid. Thank you.
Target acquired. Donna is off to the Women in Media Luncheon.
Because Donna is being written as exceptionally smart, Sorkin has to write CJ as being exceptionally dumb. Jeez, Sorkin. You're lucky that Allison Janney is so funny and talented that she can make dumbness seem like some strange specimen of charm.
I love the way that John Spencer is just staring at CJ with his perfect blend of deadpan impatience. Hee! Also Allison Janney usually has CJ carry herself with authority and elegance which makes times like this when she's slouching like a teenager about to be grounded all the more hilarious.
C.J.
Well, first of all, that's not a cow. It's not! It's a goat. Yeah, I may have agreed to something about a goat.
LEO
Did the First Lady get you drunk and take you shopping?
Again, I insist that this show release all of the referred off-screen scenes in another seven years of West Wing.
C.J.
Leo... yes. The name of the group is Heifer International. I-I... I was under the impression it was going to be a cow.
LEO
Lending Presidential aura to the photo?
C.J.
Okay. I think what were going to do is, I think we're going to wait until after the vote at 10:30, 'cause if we don't win, then it would be a mistake for this picture to run tomorrow.
LEO
How big a mistake?
C.J.
One from which my job certainly would have hung in the balance.
LEO
In the balance?
C.J.
[to goat handler] Goats are heifers, too?
MIKE
I don't know.
LEO
If the President's wearing a hat, or that thing's wearing a Bartlet button, I'm
hiding snakes in your car.
C.J.
Come on, don't say that! Not even to joke!
Fear of snakes is very natural and usual so it would already be funny and human for CJ to be freaked out about snakes in her car. It's even funnier, though, if we count the continuity of CJ freaking out over a snake looking at her in Manchester.
LEO
You're never gonna know where they are...
C.J.
Leo!
LEO
...or if you got them all out. Excuse me. Gonna lay their eggs right in the glove compartment.
Anyway, CJ tries to charm the goat handler.
C.J.
So, this is going to be a while. Can you wait?
MIKE
Well, uh, Ron doesn't do that well in the cold.
C.J.
Are you Ron?
MIKE
I'm Mike.
C.J.
Of course. We'll find an empty room for him.
Her face on "Of course"! Love!
MIKE
Uh, I have oats in the truck.
C.J.
Well, you should bring the oats, because the Mess closes at six.
The Pentagon sent Charlie a really, really long memo on food stamps because of his phone call. It's CC-d to Leo, Joint Chiefs and the Secretary of State. Charlie fucked up but he has his visible and product placed Hansen's Grapfruit Soda to comfort him.
Powershot! Donna is hiding out in the kitchen waiting for Hardin. Apparently, she's on a first-name/offer free food basis with the chefs there. Again, this is Donna at her best. That said, chefs named Giuseppe and Beano? Sorkin doesn't spit on naming cliches, that's for damn sure. Anyway, the conference is over and Ellen shows her bitchy true colors.
ELLEN
Wow. You know what you are? You're the little aid who could.
DONNA
She wasn't on the dais.
ELLEN
She had to cancel. I read a letter in her absence.
DONNA
Ellen, here's the situation: I've been asked...
Her cellphone rings.
DONNA
Excuse me, it's Josh. Yeah? That's great. Who? All right. We've got two yes votes, McMichael and Schapp. The Senator can come out of the woods. I'm coming in.
Cut to Grace Hardin, making it clear that Donna made a mistake by naming names and should not have trusted Ellen.
Will! Stop checking out your sister's boobs!
ELSIE
Here's an Inauguration Day joke about the first Jewish President. His mother leans over to someone and says "You see that guy with his right hand raised? His brother's a doctor."
I don't like non-Jews like the Bailey's making Jewish jokes amongst themselves. I don't care how Jewish, Will reads because he's played by the Jewish Josh Molina. There's a reason why Seinfeld did an episode about a guy converting to Judaism so he can make Jewish jokes and not be accused of anti-Semitism. Speaking as a Jewish woman, it's a thing.
Anyway, Elsie proves through this conversation that as delightful as Danica McKellar is, Elsie Snuffin is a superfluous character after the Orange County campaign. They have a long but pointless conversation about democracy that runs in circles until they reach the point:
ELSIE
You took the office of a guy who obviously became part of the family. They'll stop with the bicycles and the Seaborn posters and the cold shoulder.
WILL
Yeah, I'm all right. I'm focused.
ELSIE
Hey, cool goat. When did you get it?
WILL
Professional comedian, Elsie...
He turns around to walk in his office, and he sees the goat.
WILL
Aaaaaah...!
ELSIE
I think it's great the you keep oats in the office... just in case. I think when
these people find out that kind of thing...
WILL
Could you leave me now, I'm focused, please.
Okay, that goat-reveal was pretty seriously hilarious and Danica McKellar still delivers her lines in a very charming, ingenue sort of way that works for her but is still different from Winnie Cooper redux.
Josh confirms that they lost Hardin because of Donna's loose tongue.
TOBY
Well, you were right, Hoebuck's crazy.
JOSH
What did he want?
TOBY
$115,000.
JOSH
Million.
TOBY
No, thousand.
JOSH
For what?
TOBY
It doesn't matter.
JOSH
For what?
TOBY
An NIH study on remote prayer.
JOSH
You're kidding.
TOBY
Actually, he brought a Duke cardiologist who ran a double-blind....
JOSH
$115,000, he votes yes on Foreign Ops?
TOBY
Josh, it's the federal government investing...
JOSH
I don't care if we're investing in communion wafers.
TOBY
Josh, it's the federal government.
JOSH
We'll deal with the other thing tomorrow.
TOBY
Well, I already dealt with it today.
JOSH
Not yet, and the clock's running. I'm going to Leo.
Jed reads the Big Ass Food Stamp memo like an disappointment dad while Charlie cringes behind him.
CHARLIE
I had asked an assistant I know to give it special attention. I don't know the woman or anything. It wasn't patronage. But I was... You know... I was showing off for Zoey.
BARTLET
There are a couple of thousand military families on food stamps. I can't stand it; the Pentagon knows it. Some families are eligible, some aren't. To change it, they'd have to raise everyone's pay, which they can't do, and this memo's a reminder. It's a get-off-our-backs memo. And you thought you were done with turf wars.
CHARLIE
Did it cause any damage?
BARTLET
You decommissioned two aircraft carriers.
CHARLIE
Really?
BARTLET
No.
Again, I adore Dule Hill's curious and sort of pleased "Really" like he didn't know that he had that kind of power. Seriously, Dule Hill- whenever TPTB gave him scraps to act with, he brought it.
BARTLET
Boy, Zoey's growing up nicely, isn't she?
CHARLIE
Yes, she is.
BARTLET
I'm on your side in this thing, but just barely. Just by a little bit, because he's French and royal. These are very special, very limited circumstances under which we're allies, you and I.
CHARLIE
Understood, sir.
BARTLET
You still got it?
CHARLIE
Sir?
BARTLET
The letter from the rope line.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Put it in my bag tonight.
Of course, Dule Hill isn't the only comedic genius in the room. Martin Sheen extrapolates the "very limited circumstances under which we're allies, you and I" line so he sounds like he's conducting subterfuge and ally support as he asks Charlie to put the letter in his briefcase. It's so cute.
BARTLET
Mr. McGarry, Mr. Ziegler, Mr. Lyman, Ms. Cregg. It's the Temptations. I love you guys.
Aw, the first President + Senior Staff meeting that inaugurates our future Sam Seaborn-less episodes. There should be a "Mr. Seaborn", fucking up the numbers for Jed's Temptations joke, dammit.
TOBY
James Hoebuck will vote yea 10:30 if we give him $115,000.
BARTLET
Million?
JOSH
Thousand. $115,000.
Bradley Whitford does a tremendous dramatic/comedic job in this scene and the loudly desperate way that he emphasizes "thousand" is a highlight.
BARTLET
I like it. There should a button on my desk I can press and 49 people instantly pray for me.
C.J.
I got remote prayed for by three million people.
BARTLET
How'd it work out?
C.J.
Good for me. Can't vouch much for what it was they were praying was going to happen.
BARTLET
Well, that's the problem.
Oh, CJ and Jed! Their snarky buddy-movie vibe will occur no matter how many other people in there are.
JOSH
Excuse me.
BARTLET
Yes.
JOSH
The Earth is rotating rapidly on its axis.
One of my favorite lines from the show. I use it to describe my impatience all the time.
BARTLET
Okay, well, good news. Keep us posted on that.
JOSH
We're moving into 8:00 now, sir.
BARTLET
Is there something I should be doing I'm not doing?
JOSH
We should be talking about Jimmy Hoebuck.
BARTLET
Oh, wait. You guys didn't come in here to tell me something funny?
TOBY
Three of us did.
BARTLET
You... you, are the wild card, my friend, because you...
JOSH
Sir...
BARTLET
...because you will throw out the baby, the bathwater, and the bubbles at curtain time if it means...
JOSH
Excuse me, sir...
BARTLET
Feel free to interrupt.
JOSH
Do you think, Mr. President, the people who get this money care about an NIH study?
BARTLET
I don't care if they care! I care! And oh, by the way, so do you!
JOSH
$115,000 is what Commerce spends on Post-Its.
I'd call Jed's sarcasm more evidence that he can very harsh with Josh and it is evidence of that but in fairness to Jed, Josh is being quite disrespectful.
BARTLET
Toby?
TOBY
Threats to civil liberties only ever come a few dollars at a time.
JOSH
It's a medical study. The Nuclear Test Ban Treaty doesn't prohibit radiation therapy. Sufi Muslims, Orthodox Jews, Indian shamans-- the study says it works with everybody, so it's not promoting Christianity.
BARTLET
Well, in my faith, we've known it's worked for two thousand years. I never knew there was data available, but okay.
Anyway, the Senior Staff disperses but Jed calls Josh back with "Maxine" which is dismissive if I ever heard a dismissive nickname.
JOSH
I apologize for interrupting before.
BARTLET
Oh, I don't care. But what I was going to say...
JOSH
[passionately] I'll toss it all overboard if it means winning, and I think that's not true, and I'd ask you to support that with evidence... I'm sorry. I don't know why I keep doing that.
I love Jed's surprised look when Josh interrupts yet again just after apologizing and then his "something is at play" look when Josh really steps over the line with, "I'd ask you to support that with evidence".
BARTLET
You're not willing to toss it overboard to win. You're willing to toss it overboard to avoid disappointing Leo. You know what the difference is between you and me? I want to be the guy. You want to be the guy the guy counts on.
Ouch. Jed really has issues with Josh. Being "the guy", "the man", "the leader" is a huge fucking deal to Jed and Josh doesn't have it. I kind of think that Jed's respect for Josh would have increased ten-fold if Josh ever called Jed out on an issue of policy, not tactics. A scene where Josh told Jed that he was being morally wrong. Josh never did that like Toby, CJ, Leo or even Sam and Will.
Josh later faces a similar problem with Santos. Josh really does care about issues and making people's lives better. It's just that Josh's fundamental flaw is when he comes across a leader that he respects, he will make his public service dedication about serving that leader to hilt and implementing the leader's vision while never challenging the morality or the rightness of the vision. He puts himself in the position where he's just in charge of tactics and getting what the leader wants put into action. A person who is also chiefly in charge of carrying out the leader's vision like Leo respects that kind of subordination. People like Santos or Jed who put a lot of stock in being "the guy" will take Josh's advice and hard work and respect him for that but won't value him as much as Josh wants.
It's interesting that Hoynes displayed more respect for Josh than Jed or Santos. It could be argued that Josh is what Hoynes wants- a brilliant lieutenant who will carry out his orders wonderfully without being a righteous Toby-esque pain in his ass. However, that omits the fact that all the way from "Running for President without talking about how you're going to fix Social Security is like running for president of Disney World by saying you're going to fix the rides at Epcot", Josh actually is a conscience for Hoynes because Josh doesn't trust Hoynes to be a conscience on his own. That's why Hoynes says that Josh could be his "Leo" in A Change Is Gonna Come while Jed and Santos never come close to that homage.
Seriously if S6-7, omitted the leak stuff, gave Toby and Jed more to do, made Donna learn that career advancement in politics is empty if it's entirely self-serving and replaced Santos with Hoynes, those seasons could have been the best seasons of West Wing ever. Sparkly Sorkin dialogue and heartwarming moments, aside. I like S6-7 as is but making Hoynes (the complicated, brilliant and positive but opportunistic version from S1-4 instead of the dumb philanderer that existed in most of the post-Sorkin seasons) the Democratic nominee would have a stroke of genius.
Anyway, to wrap up the Josh/Jed scene.
JOSH
We can introduce another continuing resolution... 90 days?
BARTLET
And work down?
JOSH
75% of current funding maybe.
BARTLET
If we can get it.
JOSH
You understand if we introduce another continuing resolution, about ten Democrats will jump on as a reason to vote no on this. Means losing 60-40 instead of 51-49.
BARTLET
When I lose, I don't look for consolation in the score and I know for sure you don't. So, it's what we should do, right?
JOSH
Yeah.
BARTLET
All right, tough beat. It's an unbelievably tough beat.
JOSH
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Hey, Zoey's growing up very nicely, isn't she?
JOSH
Man, I'll say.
Jed gives a Josh a disapproving look.
JOSH
You know, I go for kiss-ass today and the ball goes in the gutter.
On that note, Josh should quit while he's....not winning.
Donna is cutely bundled up. She's kicking himself for naming the names and Josh reassures her.
JOSH
Shake it off. And don't listen to the naysayer. You've got a big future as a stalker.
DONNA
I always felt like I had the makings.
JOSH
I just had an interesting moment. I just recommended to the President that he buy a yea vote for a $115,000 and the Bill of Rights.
DONNA
Don't you mean a $115 million?
JOSH
Jimmy Hoebuck wanted to fund a study on remote prayer for $115,000.
DONNA
Is it me or is this getting harder?
JOSH
It's getting harder. I'd say we're going to make more enemies in the second term, but I don't know if there's anybody left on the list.
DONNA
You took funding for remote prayer to the President?
JOSH
I did it with gusto.
DONNA
That's 'cause you don't know the story of Fishhooks McCarty.
JOSH
Is this a real person or a Donna person?
DONNA
Corrupt politician on the Lower East Side in the '20s. Every morning he stopped at the St. James Church on Oliver Street and said the same prayer, "O Lord, give me health and strength. We'll steal the rest."
JOSH
Not that there needs to be, but... was there a point?
DONNA
You've got health and strength, both of which, coincidentally, I prayed for after hot lead was shot into your body.
JOSH
Yeah... You're going to need some Kryptonite, by the way.
DONNA
Okay, settle down.
JOSH
All right.
DONNA
So you've got health and strength.
JOSH
And we'll steal the rest?
DONNA
Bet your ass.
Aw. Except for the "hot lead" awkward phrasing, that was a beautiful conversation and one of my favorites between the two. Come on, aren't they much better when they're acting like adults who support and boost up each other instead of their default of twisted adolescents sniping at each other? I love that Donna had a chance to verbally acknowledge how scared she was for Josh when he was shot. That conversation was long due. Brad Whitford is awesome as always but for the first and possibly only time, Janel acts him off the screen here. Her quiet but passionate delivery is just perfect. There's a beautiful moment where Donna watches Josh lovingly as he leaves. Aw, this ep makes me feel shippy/Donna-admiring feelings.
Josh runs into Will but now, he's in the frame to be friendly to Will.
JOSH
What's up, Mr. Daley?
WILL
Bailey.
JOSH
Bill Bailey?
LOL. That joke never gets old.
WILL
Will Bailey.
JOSH
So, if we're lucky, foreign aid's going to be funded for another 90 days at 75 cents on the dollar. No one who's ever said they wanted bipartisanship has ever meant it. But the people are speaking. Because 68% think we give too much in foreign aid, and 59% think it should be cut.
WILL
You like that stat?
JOSH
I do.
WILL
Why?
JOSH
Because 9% think it's too high, and shouldn't be cut! 9% of respondents could not fully get their arms around the question. There should be another box you can check for, "I have utterly no idea what you're talking about. Please, God, don't ask for my input."
Not to beat a dead horse, Brad Whitford's delivery is a thing of beauty.
WILL
Why is foreign aid important?
JOSH
It fosters democracy.
WILL
There you go.
JOSH
[in British accent] Well, well played, young man. Very good, yes, yes.
WILL
I don't know if you realized, but for a second there, you changed voices.
JOSH
Someone said, "The best argument against democracy is five minutes with the average voter."
WILL
Churchill. He also said "Democracy is the worst form of government."
JOSH
See.
WILL
"Except for all the others."
JOSH
I know the end of the quote. I'll work with you on the legislative section. But after the vote, okay? We'll get some food.
Will excuses himself but he has to confront CJ.
WILL
Excuse me.
C.J.
Yes?
WILL
I believe you put a goat in my office, and I just want you to know that I stand here
with full humor and total focus. You can fill my office with bicycles, you can cover the windows with "Seaborn for Congress" posters, you can bring in 101 Dalmatians. I'm focused on what I'm doing.
The best part of the scene is how Will starts walking backwards as CJ starts walking toward him. Great directing and acting. It's like CJ's reputation as an intimidating ass-kicker precedes her which it should because CJ's fierceness isn't exactly a secret- it's all over CSPAN/the news.
C.J.
Who are you?
WILL
I'm Will Bailey.
C.J.
C.J. Cregg.
WILL
Very nice to meet you.
Josh Molina gets a great intimidated/obsequiously friendly/sort of turned on tone in his, "Very nice to meet you."
C.J.
I didn't put the goat in your office. Someone else must have.
WILL
You didn't?
C.J.
I put it in the office that's being used by a new guy Toby and Josh are trying to give a hard time to-- Oh, wait...
Aw, come on. This scene is cute but CJ didn't know that Will was occupying Sam's office? It's a senior staff office. I would think that CJ would know about who was occupying it.
WILL
You understand I'm working on the Inaugural address, right?
C.J.
How's that going?
WILL
There's bicycles and goats in my office! All right... Any care and feeding I should know about?
C.J.
The goat has a handler. I'll get it out...
WILL
No! I'll take my hazing like the Eaton valedictorian that I am. What's his name, please?
C.J.
Which one?
WILL
The handler.
C.J.
Mike.
WILL
The goat has a name?
C.J.
Ron.
WILL
Thank you.
CJ smiles, clearly charmed by Will's willingness to put up with her capricious and unprofessional jokes and whims in good humor. So delightfully in character!
DONNA
Where do you learn to run out the clock like that?
ELLEN
The Senator's voting her conscience, Donna.
DONNA
She understands foreign aid. I've heard her talk about it. She's supposed to do what's right.
ELLEN
No, she was elected and she's suppose to do what the people think is right.
DONNA
Will you take this and walk it to her on the floor? That's all you have to do.
They hear over the loudspeaker that the vote is over so Donna's attempt at a Hail Mary pass isn't going to work.
ELLEN
Win some, you lose some.
DONNA
Can I tell you something? Josh has asked me to work Saturdays, work Sundays, and at least once a week he has me there after 1:00 AM. He's asked me to transpose portions of the federal budget into base-8, go to North Dakota and dress as an East German cocktail waitress. In five years of working for him, he's never asked me to hide him from something. Can I have my boss's phone back?
Well, Josh did ask Donna to hide him from CJ in A Proportional Response and from Mandy in Enemies. Does that count? In other scenes that I want to see, why Josh made Donna dress as an East German cocktail waitress.
In further news of why S4 CJ/Danny pwn S1 CJ/Danny, I think it's a billion times cuter for them to a faux-professional dinner of Chinese take-out while watching the vote instead of repetitive scenes of Danny brow-beating her for a date.
DANNY
You having that?
C.J.
Yes.
DANNY
All of it?
C.J.
Yes!
DANNY
What about this?
C.J.
Yes!
DANNY
I'm pointing at twenty-three packets of soy sauce!
C.J.
I give them to the homeless.
DANNY
That's helpful.
C.J.
Are you talking through the whole vote?
DANNY
You're going to lose this one 60-40.
C.J.
Danny...
DANNY
Did I ruin the end?
C.J.
Could you even have this much sensitivity?
I love how Allison Janney indicates the little sensitivity by making a little space with her chopsticks.
C.J.
We did everything but pass a hat!
DANNY
Nobody wants to put money in a hat in Botswana when you got hats that need filling here. You can't make this about charity. It's about self-interest. We cut farm assistance in Colombia. Every single crop we developed was replaced with cocaine. We cut aid for primary education in northwest Pakistan and Egypt; the kids went to madrassahs. Why weren't you making a case that Republican senators are bad on drugs, and bad on national security? Why are Democrats always so bumfuzzled? By the way, 65 more flight schools today. Maisy hasn't found your guy. Don't worry. There are thousands more.
"Bumfuzzled" is an awesome word and I enjoy that whole speech. That said, it's a little assy that he can't just make a cutting speech about the Bartlet administration's weak tactics. He has to insert a threat about the Shareef story. It starts to feel less like Danny pursuing the story because he's an intrepid reporter so much as a one-upmanship to prove his manliness with the woman that he's always trying to impress.
C.J.
You know something there, General Cho? If you had a story, you'd write it. If you don't have one, shut up.
She shoves an egg roll in his mouth.
Yes, CJ was being a little unprofessional there but his comment more than entitled CJ to stand up for herself by using a delicious egg roll to shut him up. Although the smile on Danny's face through the egg roll, indicates that he wanted to provoke CJ into making the date less professional and he got what he wanted.
C.J.
We just lost a vote. We're not bumfuzzled. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to cancel a photo op with a goat.
She punctuates that by taking a deep drink of her Corona to anesthetize herself for the event. LOL!!! CJ, call me! It's even more amusingly ironic because it was booze that got CJ into this goat predicament in the first place.
Jed, perhaps regretting his "guy the guy counts on" speech, throws Josh a public bone.
BARTLET
Tough beat, everybody. Thanks for the work. Next time, we let Josh do it the way he wants.
CJ comes in and suggests canceling the goat photo-op.
C.J.
A milking goat? It's going to seem like a parody of foreign aid.
BARTLET
I don't know. I don't know everybody. C.J. wants to cancel the goat picture. Half the world's people live on less than two dollars a day. 130 million will never step inside a schoolhouse. Ingredients for bombs can be purchased at hardware stores and we've just given the Third World what the doctor ordered: rollbacks. Heifer International... they give free cows and goats to people who need milk?
C.J.
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Well, then, I don't think that we're in any position to be snotty. Let's do it... Let's do it right now.
Aw, this is one of times where I think about how much I love these characters. Jed accepting the humiliating photo-op with joy and self-awareness is one of his most underrated moments.
C.J.
So, I think this will work. I think it says, "Well, you're impoverished and while we don't care, we don't want you to go away empty-handed, so we offer you this goat, Ron, to give you milk."
WILL
Do males goats give milk?
C.J.
No, no, of course they don't. So, we offer you this thing that'll just gnaw on your stuff.
It's one-of-a-kind ineffable Sorkin-style, ya'll. Sweetness on a literal and figurative epic scale punctured by snark based on inane trivia and all bullwarked by a sense of teamliness.
BARTLET
I'm not standing in this picture alone. This was a total team failure. Stand where you want, but I want my Chief of Staff and my Chief Political Adviser standing near the goat.
Because this moment isn't cute enough, Toby stops the picture to grab a White House ID to put around Ron's neck.
Jed puts his arm around Josh and tells him to set the clock for ninety days in a very warm and loving moment.
Say, "Goat's Cheese"! I never realized until now but Mike, Ron's handler, is in the picture too. Ha!