well, then.
There's a guy who still makes my heart jump- even though he's unavailable in a gut-wrenching kind of a way. He looks happier, though, than I've seen him in months. Perhaps pregnancy does agree with that family, and they can work it out. I certainly hope so.
Work does on, as I struggle to balance my responsibilities from school with those from church and all other things in my life. I'm behind on grading papers- I'll probably spend a chunk of time on them the next two days. I'm working myself into a tizzy about retreats, both for the school and the church. I suddenly feel like this is some sort of contest, and I'm not sure I'll win.
I struggle to hear God's voice for myself. I can talk about it to my kids, I can pass along messages, but I can't quite seem to hear what he wants of me. I hope his silence is simply a waiting game, a contest of wills until the time is right. When I was at the 'burg, I never worried about the plan this far in advance- I was too busy being me, living life, enjoying the time I had. huh. Maybe that's the lesson I'm supposed to be grasping. If it is, patience, please. I suck at this no-plan game. I know it's worked in the past- hell, it brought me here, but I feel pressured to have everything figured out. Even though I can't tell you who's pressuring me.
My friends are a source of joy & worry. Pregnant ones not feeling well, struggling with what is coming; others insanely unhappy with no vision of escape; a few so far away whom I long to simply hug.
Good things, though- I laughed till it hurt while covered in paint with my kids last night. "Smircle! You named him- now I have to paint him!" I had a lovely chat with a friend and quite possibly successor to my post as CYM for the parish. Plans are coming- for a retreat, a mini-vacation, and a couple of meetings.
I talk so much more about the bad, but I guess that's because the good is simply so ingrained into my very self, it's hard to separate it from my own heart.
Work does on, as I struggle to balance my responsibilities from school with those from church and all other things in my life. I'm behind on grading papers- I'll probably spend a chunk of time on them the next two days. I'm working myself into a tizzy about retreats, both for the school and the church. I suddenly feel like this is some sort of contest, and I'm not sure I'll win.
I struggle to hear God's voice for myself. I can talk about it to my kids, I can pass along messages, but I can't quite seem to hear what he wants of me. I hope his silence is simply a waiting game, a contest of wills until the time is right. When I was at the 'burg, I never worried about the plan this far in advance- I was too busy being me, living life, enjoying the time I had. huh. Maybe that's the lesson I'm supposed to be grasping. If it is, patience, please. I suck at this no-plan game. I know it's worked in the past- hell, it brought me here, but I feel pressured to have everything figured out. Even though I can't tell you who's pressuring me.
My friends are a source of joy & worry. Pregnant ones not feeling well, struggling with what is coming; others insanely unhappy with no vision of escape; a few so far away whom I long to simply hug.
Good things, though- I laughed till it hurt while covered in paint with my kids last night. "Smircle! You named him- now I have to paint him!" I had a lovely chat with a friend and quite possibly successor to my post as CYM for the parish. Plans are coming- for a retreat, a mini-vacation, and a couple of meetings.
I talk so much more about the bad, but I guess that's because the good is simply so ingrained into my very self, it's hard to separate it from my own heart.