[CLOSED] Raining Rejection
(WHO) Riku & Sora
(WHEN) At night
(WHERE) Outside in the rain, Riku's bedroom
(WARNINGS) PG-13ish rating here. Some yaoi, nothing hardcore. This will be important later. XD
Sora was running in circles again. It had become a habit, almost a daily ritual. The only thing was Sora never had a time set as to when he would go out jogging. Sometimes it was early in the morning, stomes in the afternoon or the evening, or even right before bed. He supposed it was whenever he felt like releasing tension from a rough day, a rough day to come, or a rough day that had happened yesterday. Right now Sora was jogging off stress from potions, and just having a bit of fun! He had seen the rain pelting down onto the lush Earth right before he had his study session with Zexion, and he was delighted to see the rain hadn't ceased from falling with it's intensity by the time the session was over.
So here he was, running around in the rain laughing and 'whooping' like a child. He jumped in puddles, and slid in the mud. He sort of wished he had someone to share it with. Harry had sort of become his jogging buddy, so he was the first person that came to mind. The second was Roxas, he could just imagine the expression on his brother's face as he tackled him into the mud. The third person was Kairi! He hadn't seen her in forever, and this just seemed like something she would A) have a lot of fun joining him in or B) have a lot of fun watching him play in. He knew he and Kairi had to have a long talk before they could do any playing though. Sora sighed softly at that thought, how awkward was that conversation going to be?
"Oh well." He muttered softly.
The fouth and final person was Riku. He could only imagine what rough housing in the mud could turn into...
Riku had a lot on his mind. With the drug test happening at any moment, it wasn't too far off to say the silver haired teen was stressed. He hadn't freaked out or broken down yet, didn't make a big deal about it. It was bothering him, though. Yes, it was driving him crazy. He knew that he'd get caught when they did it. He knew the smell would be on him, somehow. There would be stains. The light bruising on his stomach. It was so obvious. They would catch him. Even though he hadn't done it in so fucking long, he knew they would catch him. It was inevitable.
He was walking. He couldn't stay locked up in his room any longer. It felt like the walls were closing in on him, and he couldn't handle the suffocation. He needed the smell of fresh air, and it just so happened to be raining. He'd always liked the rain. Not because it was depressing, or whatever other people assumed. He liked it because it was real (like he was real, because the liquid on his skin couldn't let him forget) and because it gave life. Rain was wonderful, rain was romantic. Rain kept the world alive.
No matter how far away he was, Riku knew the moment he heard footsteps trudging his way that it was someone he knew. He turned, only to see a familiar clump of brown hair jogging in his general direction. Riku didn't wear a jacket. He didn't worry about the wind. His eyes softened at the sight, just slightly, because right now Sora was the only person he could stand seeing.
Sora... He wondered if Sora would approve of him leaving for good.
Sora squinted, there was someone in the distance he couldn't really make out. It was rather hard to see considering all the rain. Sora brushed his bangs out of his face and smirked a little bit. Well, spe--think of the devil! It was Riku! Sora smiled widely and put his fingers to his lips before he whistled to get Riku's attention, if the boy hadn't seen him.
"Hey! Riku!" He called out and then waved. Sora made his way over to the silver-haired beauty moments later and smiled widely at him.
"Where've you been hiding?" He joked.
Riku's eyes scanned the figure before him -- Sora was more soaked than he was, from the looks of it.
"Not hiding," he replied, half-smirking. "I wouldn't."
Leaving, yes... It was the only way Riku could think of not being expelled. Then again, he wasn't sure what they would do to him when he got caught. Put him under probation? He wouldn't be able to stand someone following him around all the time. He wouldn't be able to take it.
"You're in a good mood," he said to the smile, the eyes. Sora... Sora was like rain. Sora gave life to the world around him.
Sora clasp his hands together and rubeed them a little.
"Yeah!" He breathed. "A really good mood!" He called out to his friend as thunder boomed, covering his voice. "I've been jogging now just about every day. Check it out!"
Sora flexed his muscles playfully at his lover. He didn't think they were really any bigger, considering he figured he needed to lift waits for that, but oh well--He was enjoying himself.
"It really relieves a lot of stress, Harry and I have been jogging together for a little bt now." He said as he pushed his bangs out of his eyes once more. "I'm not sure where he is now though. We don't have any set times or anything, if we happen to meet up we happen to meet up." He said with a grin.
"What about you, how've you been doing?" He asked as he reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.
"I..." Riku sighed through his nose, trying to think of a reply. How was he? How...? It was such a complicated question, it seemed. How was he feeling, how had he been getting by? There was no real answer. He just was. He got by because he did. He was not happy, not sad, not miserable. Just was.
"I'm better," he said, because it wasn't quite a lie. At that moment, he didn't feel edgy or irritable. He felt calm, as odd as it was. He didn't feel like he was going to explode. He didn't sweat because of withdrawls. He was alright.
"I'm sorry I didn't see you sooner." Riku touched Sora's hand, his own dripping with rainwater. If it wasn't for Sora, he'd probably be inside, injecting... But he couldn't picture that right now. It wasn't good for him.
Sora's eyes light up a little, it was good to hear that Riku was doing better. He looked better too, so there was no reason for Sora not to believe him. He had to admit he had been worrying about Riku a lot. Who wouldn't worry? It was sort of hard not to worry or be wary after your boyfriend confessed he was a drug addict, and then vanished without a trace. Well, there had been traces, but they hadn't eased Sora's anexiety much.
"It's okay, I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find you. I mean..."
It wasn't as though Sora sat in his room and tried to avoid Riku. He'd been looking for him in the halls whenever he had a passing period. He tried to get into the Ravenclaw common rooms a few times, but he didn't know the password. Since his brother had gone missing yet again, and since Riku was missing too, he had no one to give him the password.
Sora slipped his hand into RIku's as Riku's brushed against his own.
"I missed you."
"Yeah... I missed you too."
Riku was a horrible person. He didn't avoid Sora specifically, but he avoided everyone. He liked to keep to himself most of the time. When Riku thought of a good boyfriend, a part of him had to think of one member of the relationship constantly following around the other, holding thier books and opening doors for them and giving them everything they wanted.
He had to wonder if Sora wanted that sort of thing. If he did, Riku would have been more than happy to give it to him. Riku knew he'd give anything for him. But Sora seemed content on his own -- well, not on his own. Sora had other people like Harry and Roxas, not to mention practically everyone else in the school.
Everyone loved Sora. Everyone. Riku hadn't ever really met someone that didn't like the brunette. Sora had so many options, so many things he could do on his free time. Sora could do absolutely anything if he wanted.
Why he bothered wasting his time with Riku, the silver haired teen didn't know.
"I love you." Riku hated that he blurted that out everytime he saw Sora, but he couldn't help himself. It was as if he didn't know that Sora believed him, or perhaps that he didn't believe it himself. He wasn't sure. But he hated the phrase everytime it rolled off his tongue.
Sora could do so much better than him.
Sora lips twiched and he squeezed Riku's hand gently. Riku told him that all the time, but the words never got old. Every time he heard it he felt a chill go up and down his spine. He couldn't deny he loved hearing those words and the feelings they brought whenever they were spoken.
"I love you too."
If he was ever asked why he loved Riku, he'd never be able to give an answer. It wasn't because he didn't have one, it was because he didn't know where to start. If he had to start anywhere, he supposed it was because Riku was the first person other than his brother to...To look at him as if he were a normal boy. Yes, just about everyone loved Sora--But they feared him too. All of their hopes, dreams, and futures depended on him and even Sora had to admit that he didn't look very dependable. He was tiny for a boy, skinny too. All the muscles he had didn't really show, and he just looked too innocent. People loved Sora because he was their only hope, but they feared and hated him too for the very same reason.
Riku was the first person ever to look at Sora and search for Sora. Everyone else searched for the hero they expected him to be.
And Sora was the only one to ever really care about him.
Everytime Sora said, 'I love you too,' it made Riku's hatred for himself lessen to a noticeable degree. Sora knew all of his problems, all of his faults, everything that could possibly be wrong with him -- and Sora could still say it. Riku loved absolutely everything about Sora... it drove him crazy.
Without saying another word, Riku leaned down (rather than making Sora lean up) and gently pressed his lips against his lover's. He let go of Sora's hand and instead wrapped his arms around the brunette's waist. Any moment with Sora wasn't one to waste.
Sora couldn't surpress the smile that made its way onto his face as he was kissed. Kissing in the rain. If Sora had a list of the top ten goals he had before going to fight Ansem this was one of them. Closing his eyes, Sora kissed Riku back passionately. If they were going to kiss in the rain, Sora was going to make it a kiss to remember. He wasn't sure if it would top the 'paopu fruit kiss', but he was sure going to try.
Lifting his arms, Sora wrapped them around his lovers neck. He parted his lips, hoping the silver haired beauty would catch on.
Riku worked his lips on Sora's softly, eyes closed in attempt to engulf himself in the kiss. When Sora parted his lips, Riku brushed his tongue softly against Sora's before swirling the tip around his. He gripped the back of Sora's shirt and gently pulled himself closer, feeling his body slowly heating up. If it wasn't for the rain, Riku had the feeling he would be on fire.
Now, he was just steaming.
Sora was the exact opposite. He felt chills running up and down every inch of his body. The rain only added to the moment too. Sora pressed his body up against Riku's in an attempt to get closer to him. It was amazing, here he was kissing the man of his dreams in the rain, but he still wanted more. He still craved more. Sora ran his tounge along Riku's before he lifted it and licked the roof of his mouth.
Riku tasted sweeter every time he kissed him. Paopu fruit or not.
Even though Riku was putting his all into this one kiss (as if it would be his last... it made no sense) he listened to the pattering sound of the rain, and it soothed him. It made him feel like he could forget all about the drug test, all about Geostigma, about living and everything that went with it. This was temporary satisfaction, at the least. Being with Sora made Riku feel like he could get through anything and everything.
One of his arms went up the back of Sora's shirt, his warm arn met with the brunette's cool skin. He hoped Sora didn't get sick because of this.
"Ngh, you're cold," Riku said softly when he pulled away, though the sound of rain was so loud in his own ears that he couldn't hear it. He kissed him again. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
Sora pecked Riku's lips as another chill went up his spine. He wasn't really fine, he was freezing. When he had been running the mere workout had been keeping him warm, but now that he had stopped he was starting to freeze. As odd as it sounded, Sora liked that. He liked it a lot. Why? Because the body warmth Riku was providing was enough for Sora, and the contrast between hot and cold felt refreshing.
"I have you to warm me up." He cooed playfully as he planted another kiss on Riku's lips.
Sora slid a hand under Riku's soaked shirt and layed it on his chest, right where his heart was. The beat under his hand made him smile. It was a reminder that there was a life in front of him, and that meant he was still alive. He was still safe, and right now nothing could hurt him.
"Right?"
Riku's body had always been warm. No matter how cold it was, it never usually effected him. However, when Sora's hand touched his chest, he shivered for the first time in a long time. It might have been because of the rain, or because of the wind, but Riku was sure it was just from Sora's touch.
"Always," he answered. "I just don't want you to get sick."
Riku kissed Sora softly, over and over. No matter how many times they kissed, each time felt like an entirely new experience, and each kiss gave him a rise. He worked his lips over Sora's, his body pressed tightly against the brunette's to keep him warm.
"Spend the night with me," he whispered, more a plead than a request.
Sora felt his face flush and he looked down at his feet. He hadn't been expecting that, at all. He had to be honest, he always expected to 'express his love' for Riku the night before the final battle, or after they were married...If they got married. So he voiced that.
"Aren't we supposed to do that the night before the final battle? Like in all epic stories?" he joked in a soft whisper before brushing his lips against Riku's once. The blue orbs that were his eyes then looked up into Riku's and he felt his heart melt.
"Say you'll love me forever."
Then he'd do anything Riku wanted.
Riku's heart skipped a beat. He looked Sora straight in the eye.
"I couldn't stop loving you."
Riku pulled himself as close to Sora as he possibly could. Instead of kissing him, Riku held him tightly, ears listening to the rain while he focused on his own heartbeat in contrast to Sora's. He whispered into his ear softly, telling him everything he needed to say, and only hoping that it was what Sora needed to hear.
"I can't imagine my life without you... I love you more than anything, and I want to show you that. I want you to have all of me..."
Sora's stomach did a flop and his heart began to race. Have all of him? Was Sora even worthy of taking that from Riku? Sora felt his body begin to tremble and he closed his eyes.
"I l-love you too." Sora whispered back. He winced when he heard his voice crack and stutter.
Why did this seem more fightening than fighting Ansem? It honestly shouldn't feel that way, and Sora knew it. What they were about to do was supposed to be filled with love and happiness wasn't it? Sora frowned and layed his head on Riku's shoulder. He planted a light kiss on his neck before he squeezed the older teen gently.
"Don't let go."
He had to admit, he was sort of afraid of Riku pulling away from him and leaving him. It was irrational, but he feared that Riku could probably feel all of his fear and negative emotions. Sora clamped his eyes shut, he didn't want to be feeling those emotions. He felt the exact same way Riku did, he wanted to have Riku as badly as Riku wanted to have him.
"I love you." He repeated.
"I love you too, Sora, so much."
Riku wasn't quite sure how he was feeling at this point. Desperate? Needy? He didn't know if there was a dictionary definition. Either way, he could feel his heart pounding and aching in his chest, and he didn't know what to think.
Planting a small kiss on Sora's cheek, Riku rubbed his back softly. He could feel his clothes stuck to his skin, his hair plastered onto his face. At this rate Sora would get ill, he really would...
"Let's get inside," he said, pulling away but not letting go. "You'll get sick."
Riku took Sora's hand and led him out of the rain. The next thing he knew, he was pressed against Sora on his mattress.
Shirtless. Not only were they pressed against each other on Riku's bed--They were shirtless too. Sora had to admit that he liked the way Riku's chest felt pressed against his was just a bit too much. They were still very damp from the rain, and that only added to the sensation. Sora's heart pounded a mile a minute as he kissed Riku and Riku kissed him back. Things were moving much too fast, but Sora wasn't sure how to say 'slow down' without offending Riku.
He wasn't exactly sure how he got there, either. Everything had gone by like a blurr the moment they entered the castle. Sora didn't think he had time to even speak before he found himself with Riku on his bed. One moment they were talking the next they were kissing and pretty soon their shirts were off and frankly Sora didn't even know he even took his shirt off and--
He needed to relax. Just relax. There was no reason to get so worked up about this. He loved Riku and Riku loved him back. That was all that mattered...Right?
This was almost like a race against time.
Soon enough, Riku knew they were going to take him away and lock him up. They would take everything from him and hold him against his will. It was sick, far from a fantasy, and not quite a fear.
He didn't even realize how fast he was moving. He didn't realize that his heart was beating out of his chest and his breath was quick and choppy. He didn't realize that he was slightly shivering, not from the drips of water running down his back, but because he was growing more and more desperate by the second.
One hand on the side of Sora's neck, Riku attacked the other side with his mouth, nibbling on and kissing the skin. His other hand caressed Sora's side. He was getting lost... lost... lost---
He couldn't think straight.
Sora could hear himself gasp shrilly and then start to pant. The feelings Riku's kisses were stirring up made breathing even difficult. How was is possible to be afraid of something he was enjoying so much? Sora felt as if he had just hopped into the seat of one of the fastest roller coasters in the world, and it was just starting to take off. He was already strapped in and moving, so there was no way he could off the ride. The roller coaster was a machine. Programmed. If he screamed for it to slow down it wouldn't.
But Riku was no machine. He was human.
Sora stole a few kisses from the boy before he placed his hands on Riku's.
"Not so fast." He mustered as playfully as he could.
Riku looked up at Sora's comment, his eyes filled with all of the hopes and desires, all of the needs and insecurities he felt at that moment. Too fast, he was going to fast, he had to slow down or he could ruin this, had to because he couldn't upset Sora...
Taking a moment to try to calm himself down, Riku leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Sora's lips. He worked his lips slowly over Sora's, his eyes closing in attempt to keep control over himself.
Dr. Gould told him to let Sora know exactly how he felt. That it would be the first step in recovery.
He kissed Sora deeply, wishing desperately that Sora would somehow knew exactly why his heart was aching.
This... was the only way he knew of doing it.
Sora was no mind reader, yet he had a nack of feeling other people's emotions somehow. Sora felt as though a wave of sorrow had hit him and just about knocked him over. It wasn't like a wave from the ocean either, it was like a radiation wave. It sort of burned, and he immideatly parted from the kiss.
"What's wrong?" He asked softly. He hoped he hadn't offended his lover by asking him to slow down. Sora frowned and nuzzled their noses.
"Did I offend you?" He asked as he lifted one hand and caressed Riku's cheek. He began tracing it with his fingers as soothingly as he could. Lord, he hoped he hadn't offended Riku. The last thing he needed was for Riku to think he didn't want to be with him or anything. That was far from what Sora wanted, Sora wanted to be as close to Riku as he could. Just...Not so fast...And...At the right moment. Sora wanted to give himself to Riku, but at the right moment and...This moment didn't quite feel right anymore. He didn't exactly want to vocalize that to Riku just yet though.
Riku shook his head. No, not offend. This was rejection, wasn't it? Sora was obviously uncomfortable -- he could see that even though the haze in his mind. Riku was drowing in desperation and being pathetic and it was clear for the entire fucking world to see. If he were Sora, he wouldn't want to sleep with a sad excuse for a human being, either.
"Nothing, no," he answered quietly. When Sora touched his cheek, he winced. "You... don't want to do this, do you?"
And it wasn't like he didn't know the answer already. It was written all over Sora's skin, and he could taste it in his mouth.
Disappointment? Possibly. But he didn't blame Sora. He couldn't blame Sora for this. For---
"...I'm sorry," he said softly, resting his head on Sora's chest.
Sora removed his hand as he watched Riku winced. He winced hismelf when Riku asked him the question he dreaded hearing. No, it wasn't that he didn't want to --it was just that it didn't feel right...Damn those morals of his.
"Don't be." Sora muttered, wrapping his arms around him. He squeezed Riku gently and then kissed the top of his head.
"It's my fault I...Let it go too far..." He said with a sigh. Sora began to fiddle with Riku's hair absentmindedly.
"It's not that I don't want to...I just..." Sora trailed off and planted another kiss on top of Riku's head.
"It's just not the right moment." Sora said. Lord, that sounded lame. "I...We'll...Know when the right moment is..."
"Yeah," Riku said to Sora's chest. "Yeah."
He didn't know what else to say. What was the right thing to say in a situation like this? In his opinion there was nothing to say, let alone anything 'right.' He could feel his heart sinking toward the floor, and he hated it. At that moment, he wanted to hate everything. He wanted to hate how he hurt, wanted to hate how good Sora caressing his hair felt.
Silently, Riku moved away from Sora and sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He ran a hand through his still damp hair, his fingers getting caught in tiny knots that made the simple gesture so much more complicated than it should have been. He stared down at the flood.
"... I need some time alone. Maybe... you should go." Riku remembered Dr. Gould saying that he should spend some time away from Sora to stop obsessing over him. Maybe she was right. Maybe she was really fucking right.
He didn't know how to take this right now.
"Oh." Was all Sora managed to Say. Lord, he had really skrewed up this time hand't he? His face heated up and flushed, and the rst of his body burned. Sora looked away with his eyes before he slowly hopped to his feet. Reaching down Sora picked up his shirt and yanked it back on. It was still damp and cold, and suddenly Sora didn't like that feeling on his skin. He lifted his hand and brushed his bangs out of his eyes, before he realized he'd rather they were there. Were his eyes really watering? Damn it, he was pathetic. What did he expect Riku to say after he down right rejected him, after he said he'd spend the night with him.
Sora made his way to the door and then glanced back at Riku.
"I'm..Sorry." He muttered before he exited.
The guilt he felt compared nothing to what the crusiatus cruse felt like.
Riku swallowed hard when he heard his door close. God, he was such a fucking idiot. He was being immature, childish, and just plain stupid. The situation could have been a million times worse. Sora could have left him for moving too fast. Sora could have been harsh. And he wasn't.
It was too late for him to take it back now, though. Even if Riku wanted to, he found that he couldn't move from the spot he was in. His body was stiff, more than every before. For once, his head wasn't pounding. His heart was. His heart felt like it weighed a ton, and his chest was excruciatingly tight. He leaned over when he felt like he was going to pass out from the sudden pain that came over him, his eyes closed tightly and his breath hitched in the back of his throat, he tried desperately to get a grip on himelf, he knew he had to and had to quickly, or---
...
(WHEN) At night
(WHERE) Outside in the rain, Riku's bedroom
(WARNINGS) PG-13ish rating here. Some yaoi, nothing hardcore. This will be important later. XD
Sora was running in circles again. It had become a habit, almost a daily ritual. The only thing was Sora never had a time set as to when he would go out jogging. Sometimes it was early in the morning, stomes in the afternoon or the evening, or even right before bed. He supposed it was whenever he felt like releasing tension from a rough day, a rough day to come, or a rough day that had happened yesterday. Right now Sora was jogging off stress from potions, and just having a bit of fun! He had seen the rain pelting down onto the lush Earth right before he had his study session with Zexion, and he was delighted to see the rain hadn't ceased from falling with it's intensity by the time the session was over.
So here he was, running around in the rain laughing and 'whooping' like a child. He jumped in puddles, and slid in the mud. He sort of wished he had someone to share it with. Harry had sort of become his jogging buddy, so he was the first person that came to mind. The second was Roxas, he could just imagine the expression on his brother's face as he tackled him into the mud. The third person was Kairi! He hadn't seen her in forever, and this just seemed like something she would A) have a lot of fun joining him in or B) have a lot of fun watching him play in. He knew he and Kairi had to have a long talk before they could do any playing though. Sora sighed softly at that thought, how awkward was that conversation going to be?
"Oh well." He muttered softly.
The fouth and final person was Riku. He could only imagine what rough housing in the mud could turn into...
Riku had a lot on his mind. With the drug test happening at any moment, it wasn't too far off to say the silver haired teen was stressed. He hadn't freaked out or broken down yet, didn't make a big deal about it. It was bothering him, though. Yes, it was driving him crazy. He knew that he'd get caught when they did it. He knew the smell would be on him, somehow. There would be stains. The light bruising on his stomach. It was so obvious. They would catch him. Even though he hadn't done it in so fucking long, he knew they would catch him. It was inevitable.
He was walking. He couldn't stay locked up in his room any longer. It felt like the walls were closing in on him, and he couldn't handle the suffocation. He needed the smell of fresh air, and it just so happened to be raining. He'd always liked the rain. Not because it was depressing, or whatever other people assumed. He liked it because it was real (like he was real, because the liquid on his skin couldn't let him forget) and because it gave life. Rain was wonderful, rain was romantic. Rain kept the world alive.
No matter how far away he was, Riku knew the moment he heard footsteps trudging his way that it was someone he knew. He turned, only to see a familiar clump of brown hair jogging in his general direction. Riku didn't wear a jacket. He didn't worry about the wind. His eyes softened at the sight, just slightly, because right now Sora was the only person he could stand seeing.
Sora... He wondered if Sora would approve of him leaving for good.
Sora squinted, there was someone in the distance he couldn't really make out. It was rather hard to see considering all the rain. Sora brushed his bangs out of his face and smirked a little bit. Well, spe--think of the devil! It was Riku! Sora smiled widely and put his fingers to his lips before he whistled to get Riku's attention, if the boy hadn't seen him.
"Hey! Riku!" He called out and then waved. Sora made his way over to the silver-haired beauty moments later and smiled widely at him.
"Where've you been hiding?" He joked.
Riku's eyes scanned the figure before him -- Sora was more soaked than he was, from the looks of it.
"Not hiding," he replied, half-smirking. "I wouldn't."
Leaving, yes... It was the only way Riku could think of not being expelled. Then again, he wasn't sure what they would do to him when he got caught. Put him under probation? He wouldn't be able to stand someone following him around all the time. He wouldn't be able to take it.
"You're in a good mood," he said to the smile, the eyes. Sora... Sora was like rain. Sora gave life to the world around him.
Sora clasp his hands together and rubeed them a little.
"Yeah!" He breathed. "A really good mood!" He called out to his friend as thunder boomed, covering his voice. "I've been jogging now just about every day. Check it out!"
Sora flexed his muscles playfully at his lover. He didn't think they were really any bigger, considering he figured he needed to lift waits for that, but oh well--He was enjoying himself.
"It really relieves a lot of stress, Harry and I have been jogging together for a little bt now." He said as he pushed his bangs out of his eyes once more. "I'm not sure where he is now though. We don't have any set times or anything, if we happen to meet up we happen to meet up." He said with a grin.
"What about you, how've you been doing?" He asked as he reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.
"I..." Riku sighed through his nose, trying to think of a reply. How was he? How...? It was such a complicated question, it seemed. How was he feeling, how had he been getting by? There was no real answer. He just was. He got by because he did. He was not happy, not sad, not miserable. Just was.
"I'm better," he said, because it wasn't quite a lie. At that moment, he didn't feel edgy or irritable. He felt calm, as odd as it was. He didn't feel like he was going to explode. He didn't sweat because of withdrawls. He was alright.
"I'm sorry I didn't see you sooner." Riku touched Sora's hand, his own dripping with rainwater. If it wasn't for Sora, he'd probably be inside, injecting... But he couldn't picture that right now. It wasn't good for him.
Sora's eyes light up a little, it was good to hear that Riku was doing better. He looked better too, so there was no reason for Sora not to believe him. He had to admit he had been worrying about Riku a lot. Who wouldn't worry? It was sort of hard not to worry or be wary after your boyfriend confessed he was a drug addict, and then vanished without a trace. Well, there had been traces, but they hadn't eased Sora's anexiety much.
"It's okay, I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find you. I mean..."
It wasn't as though Sora sat in his room and tried to avoid Riku. He'd been looking for him in the halls whenever he had a passing period. He tried to get into the Ravenclaw common rooms a few times, but he didn't know the password. Since his brother had gone missing yet again, and since Riku was missing too, he had no one to give him the password.
Sora slipped his hand into RIku's as Riku's brushed against his own.
"I missed you."
"Yeah... I missed you too."
Riku was a horrible person. He didn't avoid Sora specifically, but he avoided everyone. He liked to keep to himself most of the time. When Riku thought of a good boyfriend, a part of him had to think of one member of the relationship constantly following around the other, holding thier books and opening doors for them and giving them everything they wanted.
He had to wonder if Sora wanted that sort of thing. If he did, Riku would have been more than happy to give it to him. Riku knew he'd give anything for him. But Sora seemed content on his own -- well, not on his own. Sora had other people like Harry and Roxas, not to mention practically everyone else in the school.
Everyone loved Sora. Everyone. Riku hadn't ever really met someone that didn't like the brunette. Sora had so many options, so many things he could do on his free time. Sora could do absolutely anything if he wanted.
Why he bothered wasting his time with Riku, the silver haired teen didn't know.
"I love you." Riku hated that he blurted that out everytime he saw Sora, but he couldn't help himself. It was as if he didn't know that Sora believed him, or perhaps that he didn't believe it himself. He wasn't sure. But he hated the phrase everytime it rolled off his tongue.
Sora could do so much better than him.
Sora lips twiched and he squeezed Riku's hand gently. Riku told him that all the time, but the words never got old. Every time he heard it he felt a chill go up and down his spine. He couldn't deny he loved hearing those words and the feelings they brought whenever they were spoken.
"I love you too."
If he was ever asked why he loved Riku, he'd never be able to give an answer. It wasn't because he didn't have one, it was because he didn't know where to start. If he had to start anywhere, he supposed it was because Riku was the first person other than his brother to...To look at him as if he were a normal boy. Yes, just about everyone loved Sora--But they feared him too. All of their hopes, dreams, and futures depended on him and even Sora had to admit that he didn't look very dependable. He was tiny for a boy, skinny too. All the muscles he had didn't really show, and he just looked too innocent. People loved Sora because he was their only hope, but they feared and hated him too for the very same reason.
Riku was the first person ever to look at Sora and search for Sora. Everyone else searched for the hero they expected him to be.
And Sora was the only one to ever really care about him.
Everytime Sora said, 'I love you too,' it made Riku's hatred for himself lessen to a noticeable degree. Sora knew all of his problems, all of his faults, everything that could possibly be wrong with him -- and Sora could still say it. Riku loved absolutely everything about Sora... it drove him crazy.
Without saying another word, Riku leaned down (rather than making Sora lean up) and gently pressed his lips against his lover's. He let go of Sora's hand and instead wrapped his arms around the brunette's waist. Any moment with Sora wasn't one to waste.
Sora couldn't surpress the smile that made its way onto his face as he was kissed. Kissing in the rain. If Sora had a list of the top ten goals he had before going to fight Ansem this was one of them. Closing his eyes, Sora kissed Riku back passionately. If they were going to kiss in the rain, Sora was going to make it a kiss to remember. He wasn't sure if it would top the 'paopu fruit kiss', but he was sure going to try.
Lifting his arms, Sora wrapped them around his lovers neck. He parted his lips, hoping the silver haired beauty would catch on.
Riku worked his lips on Sora's softly, eyes closed in attempt to engulf himself in the kiss. When Sora parted his lips, Riku brushed his tongue softly against Sora's before swirling the tip around his. He gripped the back of Sora's shirt and gently pulled himself closer, feeling his body slowly heating up. If it wasn't for the rain, Riku had the feeling he would be on fire.
Now, he was just steaming.
Sora was the exact opposite. He felt chills running up and down every inch of his body. The rain only added to the moment too. Sora pressed his body up against Riku's in an attempt to get closer to him. It was amazing, here he was kissing the man of his dreams in the rain, but he still wanted more. He still craved more. Sora ran his tounge along Riku's before he lifted it and licked the roof of his mouth.
Riku tasted sweeter every time he kissed him. Paopu fruit or not.
Even though Riku was putting his all into this one kiss (as if it would be his last... it made no sense) he listened to the pattering sound of the rain, and it soothed him. It made him feel like he could forget all about the drug test, all about Geostigma, about living and everything that went with it. This was temporary satisfaction, at the least. Being with Sora made Riku feel like he could get through anything and everything.
One of his arms went up the back of Sora's shirt, his warm arn met with the brunette's cool skin. He hoped Sora didn't get sick because of this.
"Ngh, you're cold," Riku said softly when he pulled away, though the sound of rain was so loud in his own ears that he couldn't hear it. He kissed him again. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
Sora pecked Riku's lips as another chill went up his spine. He wasn't really fine, he was freezing. When he had been running the mere workout had been keeping him warm, but now that he had stopped he was starting to freeze. As odd as it sounded, Sora liked that. He liked it a lot. Why? Because the body warmth Riku was providing was enough for Sora, and the contrast between hot and cold felt refreshing.
"I have you to warm me up." He cooed playfully as he planted another kiss on Riku's lips.
Sora slid a hand under Riku's soaked shirt and layed it on his chest, right where his heart was. The beat under his hand made him smile. It was a reminder that there was a life in front of him, and that meant he was still alive. He was still safe, and right now nothing could hurt him.
"Right?"
Riku's body had always been warm. No matter how cold it was, it never usually effected him. However, when Sora's hand touched his chest, he shivered for the first time in a long time. It might have been because of the rain, or because of the wind, but Riku was sure it was just from Sora's touch.
"Always," he answered. "I just don't want you to get sick."
Riku kissed Sora softly, over and over. No matter how many times they kissed, each time felt like an entirely new experience, and each kiss gave him a rise. He worked his lips over Sora's, his body pressed tightly against the brunette's to keep him warm.
"Spend the night with me," he whispered, more a plead than a request.
Sora felt his face flush and he looked down at his feet. He hadn't been expecting that, at all. He had to be honest, he always expected to 'express his love' for Riku the night before the final battle, or after they were married...If they got married. So he voiced that.
"Aren't we supposed to do that the night before the final battle? Like in all epic stories?" he joked in a soft whisper before brushing his lips against Riku's once. The blue orbs that were his eyes then looked up into Riku's and he felt his heart melt.
"Say you'll love me forever."
Then he'd do anything Riku wanted.
Riku's heart skipped a beat. He looked Sora straight in the eye.
"I couldn't stop loving you."
Riku pulled himself as close to Sora as he possibly could. Instead of kissing him, Riku held him tightly, ears listening to the rain while he focused on his own heartbeat in contrast to Sora's. He whispered into his ear softly, telling him everything he needed to say, and only hoping that it was what Sora needed to hear.
"I can't imagine my life without you... I love you more than anything, and I want to show you that. I want you to have all of me..."
Sora's stomach did a flop and his heart began to race. Have all of him? Was Sora even worthy of taking that from Riku? Sora felt his body begin to tremble and he closed his eyes.
"I l-love you too." Sora whispered back. He winced when he heard his voice crack and stutter.
Why did this seem more fightening than fighting Ansem? It honestly shouldn't feel that way, and Sora knew it. What they were about to do was supposed to be filled with love and happiness wasn't it? Sora frowned and layed his head on Riku's shoulder. He planted a light kiss on his neck before he squeezed the older teen gently.
"Don't let go."
He had to admit, he was sort of afraid of Riku pulling away from him and leaving him. It was irrational, but he feared that Riku could probably feel all of his fear and negative emotions. Sora clamped his eyes shut, he didn't want to be feeling those emotions. He felt the exact same way Riku did, he wanted to have Riku as badly as Riku wanted to have him.
"I love you." He repeated.
"I love you too, Sora, so much."
Riku wasn't quite sure how he was feeling at this point. Desperate? Needy? He didn't know if there was a dictionary definition. Either way, he could feel his heart pounding and aching in his chest, and he didn't know what to think.
Planting a small kiss on Sora's cheek, Riku rubbed his back softly. He could feel his clothes stuck to his skin, his hair plastered onto his face. At this rate Sora would get ill, he really would...
"Let's get inside," he said, pulling away but not letting go. "You'll get sick."
Riku took Sora's hand and led him out of the rain. The next thing he knew, he was pressed against Sora on his mattress.
Shirtless. Not only were they pressed against each other on Riku's bed--They were shirtless too. Sora had to admit that he liked the way Riku's chest felt pressed against his was just a bit too much. They were still very damp from the rain, and that only added to the sensation. Sora's heart pounded a mile a minute as he kissed Riku and Riku kissed him back. Things were moving much too fast, but Sora wasn't sure how to say 'slow down' without offending Riku.
He wasn't exactly sure how he got there, either. Everything had gone by like a blurr the moment they entered the castle. Sora didn't think he had time to even speak before he found himself with Riku on his bed. One moment they were talking the next they were kissing and pretty soon their shirts were off and frankly Sora didn't even know he even took his shirt off and--
He needed to relax. Just relax. There was no reason to get so worked up about this. He loved Riku and Riku loved him back. That was all that mattered...Right?
This was almost like a race against time.
Soon enough, Riku knew they were going to take him away and lock him up. They would take everything from him and hold him against his will. It was sick, far from a fantasy, and not quite a fear.
He didn't even realize how fast he was moving. He didn't realize that his heart was beating out of his chest and his breath was quick and choppy. He didn't realize that he was slightly shivering, not from the drips of water running down his back, but because he was growing more and more desperate by the second.
One hand on the side of Sora's neck, Riku attacked the other side with his mouth, nibbling on and kissing the skin. His other hand caressed Sora's side. He was getting lost... lost... lost---
He couldn't think straight.
Sora could hear himself gasp shrilly and then start to pant. The feelings Riku's kisses were stirring up made breathing even difficult. How was is possible to be afraid of something he was enjoying so much? Sora felt as if he had just hopped into the seat of one of the fastest roller coasters in the world, and it was just starting to take off. He was already strapped in and moving, so there was no way he could off the ride. The roller coaster was a machine. Programmed. If he screamed for it to slow down it wouldn't.
But Riku was no machine. He was human.
Sora stole a few kisses from the boy before he placed his hands on Riku's.
"Not so fast." He mustered as playfully as he could.
Riku looked up at Sora's comment, his eyes filled with all of the hopes and desires, all of the needs and insecurities he felt at that moment. Too fast, he was going to fast, he had to slow down or he could ruin this, had to because he couldn't upset Sora...
Taking a moment to try to calm himself down, Riku leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Sora's lips. He worked his lips slowly over Sora's, his eyes closing in attempt to keep control over himself.
Dr. Gould told him to let Sora know exactly how he felt. That it would be the first step in recovery.
He kissed Sora deeply, wishing desperately that Sora would somehow knew exactly why his heart was aching.
This... was the only way he knew of doing it.
Sora was no mind reader, yet he had a nack of feeling other people's emotions somehow. Sora felt as though a wave of sorrow had hit him and just about knocked him over. It wasn't like a wave from the ocean either, it was like a radiation wave. It sort of burned, and he immideatly parted from the kiss.
"What's wrong?" He asked softly. He hoped he hadn't offended his lover by asking him to slow down. Sora frowned and nuzzled their noses.
"Did I offend you?" He asked as he lifted one hand and caressed Riku's cheek. He began tracing it with his fingers as soothingly as he could. Lord, he hoped he hadn't offended Riku. The last thing he needed was for Riku to think he didn't want to be with him or anything. That was far from what Sora wanted, Sora wanted to be as close to Riku as he could. Just...Not so fast...And...At the right moment. Sora wanted to give himself to Riku, but at the right moment and...This moment didn't quite feel right anymore. He didn't exactly want to vocalize that to Riku just yet though.
Riku shook his head. No, not offend. This was rejection, wasn't it? Sora was obviously uncomfortable -- he could see that even though the haze in his mind. Riku was drowing in desperation and being pathetic and it was clear for the entire fucking world to see. If he were Sora, he wouldn't want to sleep with a sad excuse for a human being, either.
"Nothing, no," he answered quietly. When Sora touched his cheek, he winced. "You... don't want to do this, do you?"
And it wasn't like he didn't know the answer already. It was written all over Sora's skin, and he could taste it in his mouth.
Disappointment? Possibly. But he didn't blame Sora. He couldn't blame Sora for this. For---
"...I'm sorry," he said softly, resting his head on Sora's chest.
Sora removed his hand as he watched Riku winced. He winced hismelf when Riku asked him the question he dreaded hearing. No, it wasn't that he didn't want to --it was just that it didn't feel right...Damn those morals of his.
"Don't be." Sora muttered, wrapping his arms around him. He squeezed Riku gently and then kissed the top of his head.
"It's my fault I...Let it go too far..." He said with a sigh. Sora began to fiddle with Riku's hair absentmindedly.
"It's not that I don't want to...I just..." Sora trailed off and planted another kiss on top of Riku's head.
"It's just not the right moment." Sora said. Lord, that sounded lame. "I...We'll...Know when the right moment is..."
"Yeah," Riku said to Sora's chest. "Yeah."
He didn't know what else to say. What was the right thing to say in a situation like this? In his opinion there was nothing to say, let alone anything 'right.' He could feel his heart sinking toward the floor, and he hated it. At that moment, he wanted to hate everything. He wanted to hate how he hurt, wanted to hate how good Sora caressing his hair felt.
Silently, Riku moved away from Sora and sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He ran a hand through his still damp hair, his fingers getting caught in tiny knots that made the simple gesture so much more complicated than it should have been. He stared down at the flood.
"... I need some time alone. Maybe... you should go." Riku remembered Dr. Gould saying that he should spend some time away from Sora to stop obsessing over him. Maybe she was right. Maybe she was really fucking right.
He didn't know how to take this right now.
"Oh." Was all Sora managed to Say. Lord, he had really skrewed up this time hand't he? His face heated up and flushed, and the rst of his body burned. Sora looked away with his eyes before he slowly hopped to his feet. Reaching down Sora picked up his shirt and yanked it back on. It was still damp and cold, and suddenly Sora didn't like that feeling on his skin. He lifted his hand and brushed his bangs out of his eyes, before he realized he'd rather they were there. Were his eyes really watering? Damn it, he was pathetic. What did he expect Riku to say after he down right rejected him, after he said he'd spend the night with him.
Sora made his way to the door and then glanced back at Riku.
"I'm..Sorry." He muttered before he exited.
The guilt he felt compared nothing to what the crusiatus cruse felt like.
Riku swallowed hard when he heard his door close. God, he was such a fucking idiot. He was being immature, childish, and just plain stupid. The situation could have been a million times worse. Sora could have left him for moving too fast. Sora could have been harsh. And he wasn't.
It was too late for him to take it back now, though. Even if Riku wanted to, he found that he couldn't move from the spot he was in. His body was stiff, more than every before. For once, his head wasn't pounding. His heart was. His heart felt like it weighed a ton, and his chest was excruciatingly tight. He leaned over when he felt like he was going to pass out from the sudden pain that came over him, his eyes closed tightly and his breath hitched in the back of his throat, he tried desperately to get a grip on himelf, he knew he had to and had to quickly, or---
...