Why Can't I?
I am in such a horrible mood lately. Not that, that is anything really new. I feel like i'm always in a freaking horrible mood lately. I guess you would be too if you had a spinning headache that has lasted for three almost four weeks and wont go away.
Last night some guy imed me from my space. He didn't have the most attractive face and he wasn't fat but he definitly wasn't skinny. He told me I had a pretty face but he wanted a body picture. So I showed him one. He didn't say anything for awhile. I told him that I wasn't afraid of rejection if he didn't like me now because he saw my body to just tell me. He asked me if I had any nudes. I was like fuck no. And he didn't say anything else to me. I JUST DON'T GET IT. Why do I have a beautiful face? Why do guys always say you're beautiful, you're hot, I'd date you if only you'd lose weight. Why can't I be beautiful the way I am ? Why do I have to lose weight for someone to find me attractive? I'm not fat because I sit around and eat boxes of oreos and bags of chips. I'm a big person naturally, it's in my genes, and between medicines and my depression and lack of energy, It just happened. I don't find overweight guys unattractive. I don't find skinny guys unattractive. I know everyone has thier certain preferences, but how can someone say to me you're beautiful....if only!!!? there should be no if only. I'm either beautiful or i'm not.
It hurts so bad, i'm crying as I type this.
I feel like I don't have a best friend anymore. She's always to busy for me. And my god does it hurt. I just want like a half an hour a week of her just to myself. Is that to much to ask for??????
I just feel like i'm pushing everyone away anymore. I'm just in this constant bad mood. I have been this horrible mean bitch to my mother lately. I can't control it, it's like another person comes out of me. Like someone takes over my body and makes me say such mean horrible things.
This medicine leaves the most disgusting taste in my mouth and even that is making me cry.
My mom just heard me crying and ignored it. She walked right on past me...............I think my heart just broke.......like really truley broke....
Last night some guy imed me from my space. He didn't have the most attractive face and he wasn't fat but he definitly wasn't skinny. He told me I had a pretty face but he wanted a body picture. So I showed him one. He didn't say anything for awhile. I told him that I wasn't afraid of rejection if he didn't like me now because he saw my body to just tell me. He asked me if I had any nudes. I was like fuck no. And he didn't say anything else to me. I JUST DON'T GET IT. Why do I have a beautiful face? Why do guys always say you're beautiful, you're hot, I'd date you if only you'd lose weight. Why can't I be beautiful the way I am ? Why do I have to lose weight for someone to find me attractive? I'm not fat because I sit around and eat boxes of oreos and bags of chips. I'm a big person naturally, it's in my genes, and between medicines and my depression and lack of energy, It just happened. I don't find overweight guys unattractive. I don't find skinny guys unattractive. I know everyone has thier certain preferences, but how can someone say to me you're beautiful....if only!!!? there should be no if only. I'm either beautiful or i'm not.
It hurts so bad, i'm crying as I type this.
I feel like I don't have a best friend anymore. She's always to busy for me. And my god does it hurt. I just want like a half an hour a week of her just to myself. Is that to much to ask for??????
I just feel like i'm pushing everyone away anymore. I'm just in this constant bad mood. I have been this horrible mean bitch to my mother lately. I can't control it, it's like another person comes out of me. Like someone takes over my body and makes me say such mean horrible things.
This medicine leaves the most disgusting taste in my mouth and even that is making me cry.
My mom just heard me crying and ignored it. She walked right on past me...............I think my heart just broke.......like really truley broke....