EPISODE IN REVIEW: ALONE
I AIN'T DED YET! I swearz.
Okay, so life has been crazy all summer. I sub-let an apartment in a new city, got two jobs, and now I'm going to school on top of that. Things have been psycho. I've neglected you all in favor of the annoyance that is real life, but do not fear. I have not forgotten you, or the EIRs.
Hopefully, someday I will be able to go back and get to Seasons 1-2, but right now things are kind of busy. And I'm getting a dog this weekend, so they will be even MORE busy. Not that you need to know that or particularly care. But I will try to keep up with the bare minimum in posting EIRs every week.
Oh, and I have to announce the winner of that contest that was months ago, don't I? Hmmm... well, I'll announce that next week, and their reward shall be a cameo in next week's EIR. Keep your eyes peeled, kids.
AND NOW: *drumroll*
Office Buildin': *sigh* I iz so sad. Day aftah day I just sits here and listen to teh dumb pplz type-y type on their compyooturs. I dunno why I do eet. I think I endz it all. *ZOMGCOLLAPSESInABOomYTERRIFYIn'MANNER*
Pplz: Owwiez.
Cuddy: House, I gotsa case fer yoo.
House: Yah? Wutz wrong wiff her?
Cuddy: A depressed buildin' fell on her hed.
House: Sweet. :D
Cuddy: Ohz, and you needs to hire some new pplz.
House: Eewz.
House: *readin'* Getz teh new pplz or yoo never see yer geetar again!!! Wtf. WILSON!
Wilson: Yah?
House: Where teh fakk iz mah geetar??!?
Wilson: It wuz kidnapped? *gasperz* That iz so, so sad! *tear*
House: You suck at actin', you knowz. I know you took eet. Why'd you have to go and steal mah geetar soz I getz teh new pplz?
Wilson: Yah, well, it was either take the geetar or withhold sex, and I saw no point in punishing us both.
House: ..... Good point.
House: Soz. This chick, she had a buildin' fall on her hed, and now she iz awl messed up. Any thoughts?
Janitor: I'm a janitor.
House: Yes you iz. Anywayz, she's got this problem with the banged up hed, but I also think that it's somethin' tah do wiff her lungs or maybe her heart...
Janitor: I cleanz up poopie fer a livin'.
House: Yes you do. So whatdaya think about it bein' something that she's allergic to?
Janitor: I didn't get to go to college. We wuz poor.
House: Uh-huh. How do you feel about playin' dress up? I gotz a purty outfit for you! *throwz lab coat* Now go tell teh pplz what's wrong with her.
Janitor: ...Kayz.
Cuddy: You gotz a team yet?
House: No. Don't need one.
Cuddy: But you need to bounce ideas out of people and bludgeon them into submission!
House: That was gettin' kinda old.
Cuddy: I tellz people not to help you!
House: Kay. So what do you think about it being teh anti-depressants?
Cuddy: ....Well, obviously if it was she'd have to be awl sad...
House: Where teh fakk iz mah geetar?
Wilson: I heard it in teh couch.
House: O__O *lookz in couch*
Wilson: PSYCH! Now, really, you think it would be thar? This kidnapper, he must be purty clever... not to mention handsome and debonair with adorable puppy dog eyebrows...
House: I hait you.
Wilson: *yawn* They sayed someone was dyin'.
Slightly Gay Receptionist: Aww, yer cute when yer all tired and rumpled in a hoodie! :D And no one called you.
Wilson: Wtf. Yes they did.
Slightly Gay Receptionist: No, they didn't.
Wilson: .... I keel heem.
Wilson: HOUSE. Get outta mah room!
House: Why are you still living in a hotel, anyway? That's slightly pathetic.
Wilson: How did you get IN?
House: You gavez me that extra key soz that I could drop by with butt-secks after work, 'member?
Wilson: Oh... yeah.
House: What is, "Pablo y Paco: Le Matador de la Noche" anyway?
Wilson: .... It's.... a....a.... I'm....I'm learning Spanish, okayz?!!
House: You could probably learn Spanish a lot better from something that wasn't gay pr0n. Say bye bye to eet! *DELETED*
Wilson: zomg. You fakked with mah Tivo. Tivo is sacred. This means war.
House: Bring it oooooooooon. *double hand thump to chest* Ow.
House: So... yer g/f is teh alkeehawlic and she's awl depressed.
B/F: WTF! No she wasn't! I lovez her!
Mama: Yeah! Why can't yoo find out what's WRONG wiff her! I hait you!
House: Jeezus. Families are bitches.
House: *opens ominous box* .... >:-O ..... *walks to Wilson's office*
Wilson: Hey, House. Wussup?
House: *drops box on desk* >:-O *points in an accusatory manner*
Wilson: o_O? Ohhh... well... it looks like the mangled piece of a geetar bridge.
House: >:-O
Wilson: Yoo know, iz funny. When you tightens a geetar string slowly, just continuing to tighten and tighten and TIGHTEN eet... It starts to make an odd sound... almost like a scream. *diabolical stare of SEXINESS*
House: .....If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... BULLS-EYE! *sobs*
Wilson: You knowz, this was supposed to be fun. I would mess with you, you would mess with me, and EVENTUALLY, you'd give in, cuz we all know yer whipped anyway. But you know what teh problem is?
House: I am looking at this MRI and not paying attention to you.
Wilson: You don't wants a team cuz you got hurt by teh Ducklings. Cuz they left you... all alone... in your depressed world where no one will ever love you. Because you know that, secretly, you'll end up as an old man in a house with cats and geetars and no one will come to your funeral when you finally die.
House: *tear*
Wilson: Well, get over eet ya big baby! 'Sides, I'll always be here, and I'm all you rly need. :D
House: zOMG! ASS-BLOOD ALERT! *runs*
House: So, if you waz bleedin' out yer ass, what would you do?
Doctors: *Ignorez*
House: HEY! I asked you all a rhetorical question!
Doctor-who-iz-Cameron-but-better-looking: Cuddy sayed not to help you.
House: Yoo can help me anywayz. I gotz a job opening.
Doctor-who-iz-Cameron-but-better-looking: Kayz. I think it's from teh Crash trauma or teh allergy.
House: Why not both?
Doctor-who-iz-Cameron-but-better-looking: Cuz then there's nuffin we could do, and that would be too, too sad. *tear*
House: You remind me of someone.... 'cept you're better looking.... Oh, no. I've grown accustomed to her face. She almost makes the day begin. I've grown accustomed to the tune she whistles night and noon...
Wilson: *BITCH-SLAP*
House: Whoaz. Thanks. I needed that.... By teh way, yer boobz 'er lopsided. :D
Doctor-who-iz-Cameron-but-better-looking: *sobs*
House: Hey old man. Come wiff me. I gots sexy women who will rub you down.
Old Cancer man: Yayz.
House: Damn. I am so ebul. :D
Cuddy: YOU GOTz a Team yet??
House: Noz, stop asking.
Cuddy: Well, no one will help you...
House: *pointed stare*
Cuddy: Okay, so if it was the alkeehawl then it wouldn'ta done this so you gots to look at-- Jeezus, I hate me.
House: LOOK! Her baby maker's a funny size! *Flounces off*
Wilson: Mr. Old Cancer Man! How yooz doin'? *pulls down blankie* Wtf.
Slightly Gay Receptionist: I wuz takin' a nap. Care to join me?
Wilson: I'll have you know I'm in a commited-codependant-fucked-up relationship, thank you. But I'm about to kill him, so here's my number.
House: We gotz teh wrong biz-natch! Yer g/f iz ded from teh buildin' fallin' on her hed. Sry.
B/F: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Mama: WHHHYYY?
House: I figured eet out. I iz so happy. :)
House: I did eet all by meself, mommy!
Janitor: I haz man-boobz, but I ain't no mommy.
House: Whoops. Go 'way.
House: I will ask you questions, give you challenges, and run you through paces that you may find unusual, diabolical, and even illegal. In many cases they will be. Twenty eight of you will begin, and each week one of you will be eliminated. Do you think you haz what it takes to be House's Next Top Model? *dramatic music*
Pplz: Wtf.
Okay, so life has been crazy all summer. I sub-let an apartment in a new city, got two jobs, and now I'm going to school on top of that. Things have been psycho. I've neglected you all in favor of the annoyance that is real life, but do not fear. I have not forgotten you, or the EIRs.
Hopefully, someday I will be able to go back and get to Seasons 1-2, but right now things are kind of busy. And I'm getting a dog this weekend, so they will be even MORE busy. Not that you need to know that or particularly care. But I will try to keep up with the bare minimum in posting EIRs every week.
Oh, and I have to announce the winner of that contest that was months ago, don't I? Hmmm... well, I'll announce that next week, and their reward shall be a cameo in next week's EIR. Keep your eyes peeled, kids.
AND NOW: *drumroll*
Office Buildin': *sigh* I iz so sad. Day aftah day I just sits here and listen to teh dumb pplz type-y type on their compyooturs. I dunno why I do eet. I think I endz it all. *ZOMGCOLLAPSESInABOomYTERRIFYIn'MANNER*
Pplz: Owwiez.
Cuddy: House, I gotsa case fer yoo.
House: Yah? Wutz wrong wiff her?
Cuddy: A depressed buildin' fell on her hed.
House: Sweet. :D
Cuddy: Ohz, and you needs to hire some new pplz.
House: Eewz.
House: *readin'* Getz teh new pplz or yoo never see yer geetar again!!! Wtf. WILSON!
Wilson: Yah?
House: Where teh fakk iz mah geetar??!?
Wilson: It wuz kidnapped? *gasperz* That iz so, so sad! *tear*
House: You suck at actin', you knowz. I know you took eet. Why'd you have to go and steal mah geetar soz I getz teh new pplz?
Wilson: Yah, well, it was either take the geetar or withhold sex, and I saw no point in punishing us both.
House: ..... Good point.
House: Soz. This chick, she had a buildin' fall on her hed, and now she iz awl messed up. Any thoughts?
Janitor: I'm a janitor.
House: Yes you iz. Anywayz, she's got this problem with the banged up hed, but I also think that it's somethin' tah do wiff her lungs or maybe her heart...
Janitor: I cleanz up poopie fer a livin'.
House: Yes you do. So whatdaya think about it bein' something that she's allergic to?
Janitor: I didn't get to go to college. We wuz poor.
House: Uh-huh. How do you feel about playin' dress up? I gotz a purty outfit for you! *throwz lab coat* Now go tell teh pplz what's wrong with her.
Janitor: ...Kayz.
Cuddy: You gotz a team yet?
House: No. Don't need one.
Cuddy: But you need to bounce ideas out of people and bludgeon them into submission!
House: That was gettin' kinda old.
Cuddy: I tellz people not to help you!
House: Kay. So what do you think about it being teh anti-depressants?
Cuddy: ....Well, obviously if it was she'd have to be awl sad...
House: Where teh fakk iz mah geetar?
Wilson: I heard it in teh couch.
House: O__O *lookz in couch*
Wilson: PSYCH! Now, really, you think it would be thar? This kidnapper, he must be purty clever... not to mention handsome and debonair with adorable puppy dog eyebrows...
House: I hait you.
Wilson: *yawn* They sayed someone was dyin'.
Slightly Gay Receptionist: Aww, yer cute when yer all tired and rumpled in a hoodie! :D And no one called you.
Wilson: Wtf. Yes they did.
Slightly Gay Receptionist: No, they didn't.
Wilson: .... I keel heem.
Wilson: HOUSE. Get outta mah room!
House: Why are you still living in a hotel, anyway? That's slightly pathetic.
Wilson: How did you get IN?
House: You gavez me that extra key soz that I could drop by with butt-secks after work, 'member?
Wilson: Oh... yeah.
House: What is, "Pablo y Paco: Le Matador de la Noche" anyway?
Wilson: .... It's.... a....a.... I'm....I'm learning Spanish, okayz?!!
House: You could probably learn Spanish a lot better from something that wasn't gay pr0n. Say bye bye to eet! *DELETED*
Wilson: zomg. You fakked with mah Tivo. Tivo is sacred. This means war.
House: Bring it oooooooooon. *double hand thump to chest* Ow.
House: So... yer g/f is teh alkeehawlic and she's awl depressed.
B/F: WTF! No she wasn't! I lovez her!
Mama: Yeah! Why can't yoo find out what's WRONG wiff her! I hait you!
House: Jeezus. Families are bitches.
House: *opens ominous box* .... >:-O ..... *walks to Wilson's office*
Wilson: Hey, House. Wussup?
House: *drops box on desk* >:-O *points in an accusatory manner*
Wilson: o_O? Ohhh... well... it looks like the mangled piece of a geetar bridge.
House: >:-O
Wilson: Yoo know, iz funny. When you tightens a geetar string slowly, just continuing to tighten and tighten and TIGHTEN eet... It starts to make an odd sound... almost like a scream. *diabolical stare of SEXINESS*
House: .....If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... BULLS-EYE! *sobs*
Wilson: You knowz, this was supposed to be fun. I would mess with you, you would mess with me, and EVENTUALLY, you'd give in, cuz we all know yer whipped anyway. But you know what teh problem is?
House: I am looking at this MRI and not paying attention to you.
Wilson: You don't wants a team cuz you got hurt by teh Ducklings. Cuz they left you... all alone... in your depressed world where no one will ever love you. Because you know that, secretly, you'll end up as an old man in a house with cats and geetars and no one will come to your funeral when you finally die.
House: *tear*
Wilson: Well, get over eet ya big baby! 'Sides, I'll always be here, and I'm all you rly need. :D
House: zOMG! ASS-BLOOD ALERT! *runs*
House: So, if you waz bleedin' out yer ass, what would you do?
Doctors: *Ignorez*
House: HEY! I asked you all a rhetorical question!
Doctor-who-iz-Cameron-but-better-looking: Cuddy sayed not to help you.
House: Yoo can help me anywayz. I gotz a job opening.
Doctor-who-iz-Cameron-but-better-looking: Kayz. I think it's from teh Crash trauma or teh allergy.
House: Why not both?
Doctor-who-iz-Cameron-but-better-looking: Cuz then there's nuffin we could do, and that would be too, too sad. *tear*
House: You remind me of someone.... 'cept you're better looking.... Oh, no. I've grown accustomed to her face. She almost makes the day begin. I've grown accustomed to the tune she whistles night and noon...
Wilson: *BITCH-SLAP*
House: Whoaz. Thanks. I needed that.... By teh way, yer boobz 'er lopsided. :D
Doctor-who-iz-Cameron-but-better-looking: *sobs*
House: Hey old man. Come wiff me. I gots sexy women who will rub you down.
Old Cancer man: Yayz.
House: Damn. I am so ebul. :D
Cuddy: YOU GOTz a Team yet??
House: Noz, stop asking.
Cuddy: Well, no one will help you...
House: *pointed stare*
Cuddy: Okay, so if it was the alkeehawl then it wouldn'ta done this so you gots to look at-- Jeezus, I hate me.
House: LOOK! Her baby maker's a funny size! *Flounces off*
Wilson: Mr. Old Cancer Man! How yooz doin'? *pulls down blankie* Wtf.
Slightly Gay Receptionist: I wuz takin' a nap. Care to join me?
Wilson: I'll have you know I'm in a commited-codependant-fucked-up relationship, thank you. But I'm about to kill him, so here's my number.
House: We gotz teh wrong biz-natch! Yer g/f iz ded from teh buildin' fallin' on her hed. Sry.
B/F: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Mama: WHHHYYY?
House: I figured eet out. I iz so happy. :)
House: I did eet all by meself, mommy!
Janitor: I haz man-boobz, but I ain't no mommy.
House: Whoops. Go 'way.
House: I will ask you questions, give you challenges, and run you through paces that you may find unusual, diabolical, and even illegal. In many cases they will be. Twenty eight of you will begin, and each week one of you will be eliminated. Do you think you haz what it takes to be House's Next Top Model? *dramatic music*
Pplz: Wtf.