The magic of achievement

[wushi]

When I was a kid I used to study Tae Kwon Do, and was always amazed at how strong, capable, and poised our head instructor, Anthony, was. He was a third degree black belt, though I don't recall the federation, ITF I think, and I had this notion in my head that being a black belt (as I was impressed with all of them at that school) was some kind of

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[zhenzhi]

when i attained the lue sash, denoting me as a (junior) senior in my masters school, i felt so embarrassed, like i was a fraud. i spoke to my master about it, and he said to me that his standard was high, and if i had not met it i would not have the sash. he went on to thank me for being a diligent and loyal student and that i should take more pride in my achievement rather than focussing on my self criticism. he said that for him to see a student progress so well through his system of teaching wing chun gives him a lot of satisfaction... etc. i started to see it in a different way, so that by the time i received my official senior's blue uniform a couple of years after the sash, i felt so proud of myself. not in an unhealthy way, but more of a gratefulness to myself for putting in the hard work to get there and a knowing that this uniform was my sifu's way of rewarding my efforts. i have seen many others fail along the way, it is not an easy school to progress in. it is a frequently heard complaint at the school that it takes "too long" to rise through the grading levels.
of course i have plenty of room for improvement... always! but i find that is one of the beauties of learning wing chun... there is always something new to learn, and so i stay interested and always have new goals.
congratulations on your sash! how recently did you achieve it?

[wushi]

I completed my sash test a couple of weeks ago, but have not received my sash yet.

It's strange. I had gotten very used to being a purple or brown sash, and having quite a bit of responsibility teaching classes and the like. I had a certain reluctance to test and go higher, even though my sifu was prodding me to test soon.

Hopefully I will grow into my rank and ultimately beyond it. At the moment I still feel like a kid trying on his parents' clothing.