in "memoir from antproof case" the protaganist blamed all the evils of the world on coffee, btw...
you know, when i was an intern in a high-profile company in the field i wanted to work in, i didn't sit around twiddling my thumbs. sure, i've done that in places i couldn't give a shit about, but never, ever, in an internship for something Very Important.
what is wrong with kids today?
look, it's an inconvenient truth that you will sometimes have to get lunch, you will sometimes have to do "a starbucks run" - guess what? most of us once did. (of course when i was young way way back, there was no starbucks, but you get the picture. once i had to "go to coney island" because some fool v.i.p. insisted he would not have a hot dog from anywhere else...and it was the middle of winter: fuck that shit - i went to grey's papaya and put it in a nathan's bag - b/c really the nthan's chain store hot dogs suck. then i bought myself a hot dog, went to the park and read the post to run out the clock for the length of a "coney island run." and naturally this idiot said, toldya - coney island hot dogs are the best! so really it's very simple - just do it and then everybody's happy...you get the hot dog now so that later you can order the hot dog...) if you want to be an artist, go be an artist, stop wasting our time. if daddy pays your bills so you think it doesn't matter what your work ethic is, then go, be a princess and stop wasting our time. if you have issues so you sulk, check them at the door and stop wasting our time. if you really want to learn something and move up and on or past us, then go, get the coffee quickly and come back as fast as you can so you don't miss antyhing and be done with it. eyes open, ears open, rarely is something handed to you on a silver platter. you think your internship sucks, fine, go back to school when it's over and never come back but do your fucking job while you're here. and hey kids, guess what? if you're not the one sitting on your ass and twiddling your thumbs then you're not the one who's going to have to get the coffee - why haven't you figured that out yet?!
so i gave a lecture about responsibility, opportunity and initiative today. i felt so old. but no one ever had to give me that lecture! i never sat around with my finger up my ass because "d'oh, no one told me what to do..." man, kids today.
later my boss had me look something up because she didn't have a contract with her. i told her the rules of this particular contract, and she kept insisting i was wrong. we all know that i don't take very well to "you're wrong." i kept insisting she was wrong. so on this conference call in a room full of playahs, she told me i didn't know what i was looking for, i don't know how to read the contract. at this point i'm fuming, but i try as best as i can to tell her still, that she is wrong. later, after the humiliation of being reprimanded such in front of all them playahs, it was discovered that hey ho - i was right. "but i was saying it wrong, that's why she didn't understand me." true, i often fumble for language, but dudes, i was reading line by line from the particular guidleines. then i gave the "plain english" version. i then read the guidelines again. then the plain english again. then a case in point. then the word-for-word contract language again. but it doesn't matter that i was right and she was wrong; that rarely matters in a world where titles and hierarchy and appearance mean everything and substance virtually nothing.
so what is my point, mon amis? we are all constantly fetching lattes or hot dogs or [fill in the blank with a seemingly ridiculous and mundane request] in one form or another. there is no god, there is only starbucks. and in this particular creepy universe, that's what matters.
what is wrong with kids today?
look, it's an inconvenient truth that you will sometimes have to get lunch, you will sometimes have to do "a starbucks run" - guess what? most of us once did. (of course when i was young way way back, there was no starbucks, but you get the picture. once i had to "go to coney island" because some fool v.i.p. insisted he would not have a hot dog from anywhere else...and it was the middle of winter: fuck that shit - i went to grey's papaya and put it in a nathan's bag - b/c really the nthan's chain store hot dogs suck. then i bought myself a hot dog, went to the park and read the post to run out the clock for the length of a "coney island run." and naturally this idiot said, toldya - coney island hot dogs are the best! so really it's very simple - just do it and then everybody's happy...you get the hot dog now so that later you can order the hot dog...) if you want to be an artist, go be an artist, stop wasting our time. if daddy pays your bills so you think it doesn't matter what your work ethic is, then go, be a princess and stop wasting our time. if you have issues so you sulk, check them at the door and stop wasting our time. if you really want to learn something and move up and on or past us, then go, get the coffee quickly and come back as fast as you can so you don't miss antyhing and be done with it. eyes open, ears open, rarely is something handed to you on a silver platter. you think your internship sucks, fine, go back to school when it's over and never come back but do your fucking job while you're here. and hey kids, guess what? if you're not the one sitting on your ass and twiddling your thumbs then you're not the one who's going to have to get the coffee - why haven't you figured that out yet?!
so i gave a lecture about responsibility, opportunity and initiative today. i felt so old. but no one ever had to give me that lecture! i never sat around with my finger up my ass because "d'oh, no one told me what to do..." man, kids today.
later my boss had me look something up because she didn't have a contract with her. i told her the rules of this particular contract, and she kept insisting i was wrong. we all know that i don't take very well to "you're wrong." i kept insisting she was wrong. so on this conference call in a room full of playahs, she told me i didn't know what i was looking for, i don't know how to read the contract. at this point i'm fuming, but i try as best as i can to tell her still, that she is wrong. later, after the humiliation of being reprimanded such in front of all them playahs, it was discovered that hey ho - i was right. "but i was saying it wrong, that's why she didn't understand me." true, i often fumble for language, but dudes, i was reading line by line from the particular guidleines. then i gave the "plain english" version. i then read the guidelines again. then the plain english again. then a case in point. then the word-for-word contract language again. but it doesn't matter that i was right and she was wrong; that rarely matters in a world where titles and hierarchy and appearance mean everything and substance virtually nothing.
so what is my point, mon amis? we are all constantly fetching lattes or hot dogs or [fill in the blank with a seemingly ridiculous and mundane request] in one form or another. there is no god, there is only starbucks. and in this particular creepy universe, that's what matters.